


Its Completely Changed, Charlie Brown

by Stujet9rainshine



Category: Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead - Royal, Peanuts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Baseball, Bullying, Crossroads, F/F, F/M, Flowers, Friendship, Hockey, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Music, Past Sexual Abuse, Peppermint Patty is the only reasonable one, Romance, Rumors, Self-Harm, Sorry Not Sorry, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Verbal Fights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 56,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5786491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stujet9rainshine/pseuds/Stujet9rainshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Peanuts Gang is all in high school and life has caught up to them. Charlie Brown fights suffocating depression. Schroeder reaches a crossroads, wears a purple beanie, and plays other instruments. Lucy detaches herself in persuit of her own goals and is an "it girl". Linus has grown into quite athlete, no more blanket either and Sally has enough happiness for all of them. Please read past the first chapter to get an actual taste of the story. The first chapter is just setting the story up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thank you clicking on my story! Enjoy the read! 
> 
> EDITED VERSION!

High school is a pretty crappy place to be, especially if you're from a tiny feeder middle school and an even smaller elementary school. The Peanuts Gang discovered this the hard way.

They were all of different interests and intellectual levels, so always being in the same classes and on the same co-ed sports teams wasn't going to happen anymore. Every kid started to go a different direction. The most noticeable changes started in their respective first year in middle school.

Schroeder joined the school band with intentions to perfect his piano skills, but his new band director said his talents were transferable and that he should learn more instruments. Schroeder found out that he had perfect pitch, which is a rare musical ability where his ears are programmed to detect the pitch and tuning of musical sounds. Surprised, he reluctantly agreed to learn more instruments. He picked the trombone first, the wind instrument most similar to the piano. Now, a couple years later he was up to eight instruments. It still surprises his friends when music that isn't the piano is pouring out of his house. As Schroeder became a teenager, he dove into the world of the alternative music. He also fell in love with a dark purple beanie. He rarely was seen without it or some sort of instrument case with him.

Lucy, as she started to mature, look a real interest in psychology and the world of the human mind. It was no longer a hobby, but a career goal. She unlocked her intellectual side, much to Linus' surprise. Grades and school became a necessary for her, and her five cent phycology stand became a thing of her past. Though people still came to her with their problems. She still had her signature attitude, and that led to her joining the "it girl" cliques. Plus she was great at solving relationship problems, which was really a wonder. Even though he attitude never got any worse.

Charlie Brown probably had the most drastic changes, both good and downright terrible. Though most people would never notice most of them. He was invited to be on all boy middle school baseball team, and with a real coach he became quite skilled at pitching. By the time high school came around he even has several strikeouts whenever he's on the mound. His fast ball can even trip up Peppermint Patty. Sadly, his self-esteem was still pretty devastated, and he no longer cared about himself. Charlie Brown, unfortunately, turned to rather dark habits to deal with his constant battle with self-loathing. He still cares dearly for his friends and would still do anything for them. You never see him without his black hoodie with his signature yellow zig zag. When ever he can he has pair of headphones playing punk and rock music.

Linus being a year younger than everyone else felt his life changes earlier. He decided, when he got into middle school because he was in a new environment, with more crappy people, to ditch the blanket. It took a while, but he did it. Even though he still has his blanket in a box in his closet, for truly awful days. He still adores school and loves learning. As a result, he got into advanced and honors classes. He also developed a love for coffee and has a glass almost every morning. Another significant event happened when Charlie Brown stopped managing the baseball team. Linus didn't make the real middle school team. He still doesn't understand why, but as a result, he turned to what he always liked best about baseball, running. When he finally entered 6th grade, he joined the cross country and track teams and rose to stardom. He always had a change of athletic clothes in his locker. One great thing came out of his blanket obsession; He was consistently prepared, it was a great was to keep his mind and hands busy.

Sally, who is also a year younger than everyone else, was significantly affected by being alone all of the sudden. Her sweet baboo became less of a gentle and soft guy she had come to adore and when he became a lean, strong, and independent boy; She gave up on tailing him and became a little flirt, much to the already stressed out Charlie Brown's dismay. Upon entrance to middle school, she became a cheerleader and enjoyed the dance team. She and her brother got a lot closer, but she never noticed what Charlie Brown was hiding and was always a little ray of sunshine to him even though she didn't realize it.

Our specific observations of our beloved characters begin when Charlie Brown, Schroeder, and Lucy are Sophomores and when Linus and Sally are Freshman.


	2. The Bus Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

"Ya know, that hat is stupid. Right, Schroeder?" Mocked Lucy, smiling up at the much taller blonde. Lucy had developed a lot since they were in elementary school. She filled out well and gained all the curves in all the right places. Which only made her all the more vain. That didn't help in the slightest, Schroeder still, couldn't stand her.

"So you've told me," Schroeder bit out his reply, and she pouted. Schroeder liked his hat and didn't give a damn what Lucy thought, he never had. He knew she was attempting to flirt, but his empathy towards her had died somewhere in middle school.

"Oh, Schroeder!" Lucy purred, Schroeder twitched and aimed a glare in her direction. She shifted uncomfortably and pointed at his instrument case. Obviously just trying to change the subject, "What instrument is that? It looks too small to be a brass instrument."

"That's because it isn't. It's a woodwind, an Alto Saxophone to be specific," he mumbled as he seen the bus turn around the corner. He sighed in relief as he walked up to the curb and jumped and practically ran onto the bus. In his race to get away from Lucy, he decided to sit next to Linus. He was annoyed at Lucy, who had purposefully walked to Schroeder's bus stop, a block down the road, to bother him. He always had hated first days of school.

"Hey, Linus!" Schroeder greeted as he squeezed into the seat next to him. He stuffed his Sax under the seat along with his satchel.

"Heylo, Schroeder," Linus smiled, then yawned, "How are you faring this morning?" Schroeder rolled eyes as he felt Lucy's glare burn into him.

"It hasn't been entirely peaceful, thanks to the oldest Van Pelt," he ground out, making sure Lucy could hear him. He looked back at Linus, who nodded and yawned again. "No coffee this morning?"

"Nope. The youngest Van Pelt was at fault for that one," Linus beamed as he looked up at Rerun, who was in the front of the bus busily talking to the child next to him. Today was going to Reruns' first day of Middle school.

"Poor thing, middle school, bleh, No wonder he was dragging this morning," Schroeder smiled, and it quickly fell off when he noticed the pained look on Linus' face. "What?"

"High school, bleh!" Linus emphasized the statement by sticking his tongue out. Schroeder laughed, he had forgotten today was Linus' first day of high school. How? Schroeder honestly didn't keep up with that kind of stuff. "Is it terrible, Schroeder?" Schroeder's face twisted up in thought.

"Not really, the high school is huge compared to our middle school. Maybe five hundred more students? That's the worse part, really." Linus sighed in relief and began to go through his planner that he religiously carried as he had once carried his blanket. Schroeder took that as the signal for a break in the conversation and looked around for Charlie Brown. He spotted him a couple of rows back on the opposite side, by himself. Schroeder excused himself and ran over to sit next to Charlie Brown. Schroeder plopped down in the seat next to him, and Charlie started and pulled his ever-present headphones out of his ears.

"Hi, Schroeder," Charlie Brown said flatly. Schroeder felt terrible for Charlie Brown. His undying optimism had faded by seventh grade, and he is a shell of the determined kite flier he once was.

"Hey, Charlie Brown. Ready for school?" Schroeder tried to be optimistic. Charlie Brown just sighed and shrugged.

"As I'll ever be. But it will be just another wasted day with me failing and people laughing at me," Charlie Brown smiled, with what was left of his tattered optimism. Schroeder paused, just long enough for Charlie Brown to pick up a headphone and offer it to him. Schroeder accepted even though he knew it was going to be something heavy and loud enough to damage his musical ears. Nothing was playing when he first put the headphone in his ear. Schroeder looked at Charlie Brown in question. "I found some new music over the summer. It's not as heavy as what I typically listen to; it's more to the alternative side. The kind I think you would like," Charlie Brown muttered as he searched through his iPhone. Schroeder could enjoy some alternative. The music was pretty great. Schroeder was going to have learn the second one. After the third song, Schoeder excused himself and returned to his original seat with Linus. They gathered up their stuff because the high school was only a couple of minutes away. Upon arrival, the high schools kids poured out of the bus. Linus hung back to wish Rerun good luck with his first day of middle school. Schroeder headed straight the band room. Linus followed him, basically on his heels


	3. Linus' First Day of High School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

"Wow, this place is impressive!" Linus marveled at all instruments and percussion equipment that filled the modern and glossy room.

"I know right," Schroeder smiled. Linus had never been in the high school band room, given he'd never been anywhere in the high school yet, it was still just as impressive.

"Morning Schroeder! Oh, and hello to your friend, too," a small, wiry young teacher greeted them, Linus assumed it was the band director. Schroeder was beaming.

"Hello! Mr. Haylen," Schroeder gestured to Linus, "this is my friend Linus." Mr. Haylen returned the greeting and shock Linus' hand, and the band director's hand was strong and rough from years of playing instruments. He seemed neat. After introductions, Mr. Haylen and Schroeder dove into a conversation about Schroeder's Alto Saxophone he had gotten over the summer. Linus tuned out the conversation which he wasn't a part of, as he looked around the room. He couldn't stay in here much longer he needed to find where his classes were at, and the band room just wasn't one of them. He cleared his throat. Schroeder glanced over, and Linus waved goodbye and headed out into the hallway outside the band room. He was surprised how empty this hallway was. There were music notes painted on the wall and several paintings from art classes. It's just that there were no lockers and only three doors. The one he came out of, and after Linus read signs above the other two doors, the art room, and the vocal music room.

Linus went with his gut and headed straight down the hallway away from the art section. He ended up in a large meeting area where four hallways converged. Linus sighed and then noted a cleverly placed street sign in a flower pot. Linus followed the one that said "Office and Cafeteria." He liked what he'd seen of the school so far. It felt mature. All the murals were well done and usually over abstract art or nature. He was observing a beautifully painted fountain when he heard his name. He looked over his shoulder towards the sound. He smiled as he seen Charlie Brown walking towards him.

"Hey, Charlie Brown," Linus met Charlie Brown in the middle and gave his best friend a hug. Charlie Brown had thinned out over the summer, Linus noted.

"Sup, Linus?" Charlie Brown asked while stuffing his hands into his hoodie pocket. Linus hated that goddamned hoodie it was so dull compared to the happy yellow he used always wear. Well, this Charlie Brown was bleak compared to the Charlie Brown, who used to wear yellow. That still didn't change the way he thought about him. Best friends forever and all that.

"I'm pretty good. Kinda lost right now, though," Linus shrugged. Maybe Charlie Brown could help him.

"Where are you looking for?" Linus dug out his schedule and handed it off to Charlie Brown. He examined the paper for a moment before he answered, "I can show you were all of these places are." He smiled and led Linus down the hallway.

The rest of the day was wonderful, well after Charlie Brown and Linus found all of his classrooms that is. The number of new people was daunting, even though he seemed to make a good impression. Several girls ended up hitting on him and several guys asked about his career as a runner. He was known in the world of track since he had placed 3rd in the state in the 800-meter dash and the top 50 in the national championship. He enjoyed talking about running, and the guys enjoyed listening. One guy joked about his goal for track this year was to beat him. Linus wished him luck on that. He seemed cool, though.

He liked all of his teachers so far and was ready for his first AP class, AP Psychology. He knew he could ask Lucy for help if he ever needed it, she had taken the test the year before and scored a 4. She was going to an excellent psychologist if she stopped being such a bitch to everyone, other than that she was great.

The worst part of the day was the bus ride home. Schroeder didn't sit with him like this morning. Not even sitting with Charlie Brown. Schroeder was sitting with a stranger, a guy built like a football player. It was hard to dwarf Schroeder, who was 5 foot 11 at his 15 years of age, Linus was closest to him in height at 5 foot 9. The football guy had to be all of 6 foot 1, maybe taller. What bothered Linus was the way Schroeder seemed to have a slight flush on his face. Why on earth would that be? It annoyed Linus, and he decided he didn't want to look at them. He pointedly chose to sit next to Charlie Brown, who had his headphones in and just waved as Linus sat down. He didn't even take the headphones out. What the hell was with everybody? Did he have a sticker on his forehead that read 'ignore me, please!'

Something was up with Charlie Brown, and everyone else for that matter. The only conversation Linus could get out of Charlie Brown was nonverbal responses. Linus noticed that Charlie Brown was rubbing on his wrists. When Charlie Brown noticed what he was doing, he quickly stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket. Then he wouldn't even give nonverbal conversation. Linus was beyond pissed by this point. He was pissed at everyone. His anger smoldered the rest of the bus ride home.  
After he finally got off the bus, he retreated into his room, put on an Under Armor tank top and a pair of athletic shorts and went for a run around the neighborhood.


	4. Charlie Brown's Crappy Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Charlie Brown was dead on the inside. No one seemed to notice, but he was okay with that. He believed ignorance was bliss and the less his friends and family knew, the happier they could be.

Charlie Brown was getting ready for his first day of sophomore year was the same as it had been for the last three school years. He looked in his bedside mirror and seen failure written all over his face. He had dull brown eyes, ashen blonde hair, and pale skin. He was hit by a sudden wave of pain in his chest, and he never wanted to leave his bedroom again. He continued to look into the mirror, and he tried to smile away the failure. He smiled, but it looked so broken and tattered. He let his smile drop as he remembered how many people he fooled all the time with that very same smile. That thought didn't comfort him any. It actually made his feel that much worse. He sighed and, hoping to ease the terrible ache in his heart, Charlie Brown went to his nightstand, opened the drawer, lifted up a couple of books, and pulled out a little small, polished piece of wood that contained a razor blade. He smiled at his heart ache reliever as he twirled it between his fingers. He paused in his spinning and pulled up his right sleeve.

  
A few moments later, Charlie pulled at the other sleeve. He then had one new cut on each wrist. The pain was sharp, and heavenly it took the place of the emotional pain digging into his chest. He watched the blood bead up to the surface and then pool and spill into his hands like he did every time. After a minute or so he grabbed a red towel from his open nightstand drawer and cleaned up his hands and wrists. He cleaned his wrists up with a little alcohol and grabbed two small pieces of gauze and loosely wrapped medical tape over the gauze. He was better now, the pain from his wrists would make the cruel words seem minuscule. He continued to get ready and headed to check on Sally. She had just finished her morning makeup routine and was pacing in the living room.

"Morning Sally. Ready for your first day of high school?" Charlie asked in a voice that would never, in a million years, give away what he had just done.

" **No!** _I'm going to die!_ What if all the kids from the different middle schools don't like _me_?" Sally fussed. Charlie Brown sighed and felt his mouth pull into a smile. They were going to love her, everyone always had.

"You'll be _fine_. Everyone will lo love you and maybe you might even find another cute boy to be your sweet baboo," Charlie mused as he headed for the door with Sally at his heels. She broke into a smile.

" **I like that idea**! Big brother, you're the _greatest_ ," she hummed as she ran on ahead to the bus stop. Charlie Brown followed suit but in a much slower fashion. He noted the oldest Van Pelt was missing as he greeted Linus and Rerun.

"Morning guys." He paused and smiled at the Youngest Van Pelt, "Ready for your first day of Middle school, Rerun"?" Rerun nodded eagerly in reply, "What about you, Linus, ready for high school?"

"Yeah, I guess so, I'm looking forward to the AP and honors classes," Linus said as the bus pulled up to the curb and Charlie Brown brought up the rear getting on the bus. He chose his regular seat and pulled out his headphones and turned on his favorite kind of music, heavy metal.

Charlie Brown stayed that way until perhaps four songs later when he was startled by the sudden appearance of Schroeder. After a short chat, Charlie Brown remembered the new type of music he found that he hadn't shown to Schroeder yet and offered him a headphone. Schroeder didn't seem too pleased, but after the first song, he was silently conducting to the second. It was pleasant just being around his close friends.

When they arrived at school Charlie Brown's heart dropped a little, he hated it here or more specifically hated the people here. Classes and learning weren't that inconvenient.

"Big brother," Sally interrupted his depressive stumble, "Could you help me find my classes?" Charlie Brown smiled at his sister as he readily agreed. It took a total of 15 minutes to locate all seven of Sally's classes, plus the lunch room.

" _Thanks_ , big brother!" She emphasized her thanks with a big hug, "I'm going to breakfast now, **bye**!' She skipped in the direction of the cafeteria and left Charlie Brown alone. He sat on a window seat near the fountain mural. When Charlie Brown looked at the painting, he saw the tall, lean figure of his best friend, Linus Van Pelt.

"Linus," Charlie Brown called out while walking towards him. Linus turned around and immediately a smile broke out on his face, as he ran up and gave him a hug. Charlie Brown felt guilty about himself, how could people like him so much? He's a perpetual failure.

"Sup? Linus," Charlie Brown said, stuffing his hands into his hoodie pocket as if the extra layer of clothing would make the scars disappear.

"I'm pretty good. Kinda lost right now, though," Linus shrugged. Charlie Brown knew where all of the freshman classes were at; he could make himself semi-useful and help out his best friend.

"Where are you looking for?" Linus dug out his schedule and Charlie Brown accepted it. Advanced classes, even though he'd never taken them himself, he knew where they were at. "I can show you were all of these places are," Charlie Brown decided as he led Linus down to the cafeteria first.

After his adventure with Linus, Charlie Brown decided he'd better find his classes. He was purposely early to his first period to get a better seat, the more open seats there were the less likely a bully was willingly going to sit by him. He was wrong, as always, a stupid upper classmate, named Joe, decided to sit in front of Charlie Brown. Joe had failed this class last year, and you could tell he was pissed about it.

"Hey, dumb blonde," Joe pestered. Charlie Brown looked at the clock 10 minutes before class starts, a new record. "How was your summer, dweeb?"

"Dweebish," Charlie Brown sighed. Joe shut up after that. He was a feeble minded person, and he was one of the people who wasn't terrible to him.

Class started quickly and ended quickly after all they did was introduce themselves and caught up on summer events. The teacher seemed kind of cool.

The only really major things that weren't bullying related, all had to do with Schroeder, oddly enough. First, Schroeder was embarrassingly late to fourth period and claimed to have been lost. Secondly, and most shocking, was that the Quarterback of the football team, Alex Montgomery, sat with him during lunch. Charlie Brown was dumbfounded, Alex wasn't mean to anyone at the table, he just kept making Schroeder red faced. It was funny enough, so Charlie didn't think twice about it.

Charlie Brown road the bus home after a run in with a bitch named Abby. She came from different feeder school and decided Charlie Brown's failure face was her favorite target. Nasty words make nasty sticky pain seep into Charlie Brown's heart. When he was alone on the bus, he secretly took his gauze wrap off of his right wrist and picked at, inducing a small amount of welcomed pain. Until Linus plopped down next to him, apparently upset. Guilt at almost being caught flooded into Charlie Brown and he wasn't up for conversation. When they got off the bus, Linus stormed into his house. He sighed, as he walked into his house. As soon as him and Sally were both inside She blurted out the story of her first day, she always made Charlie Brown hate himself a little less.


	5. Schroeder's Hit the Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

After Linus had left, Schroeder got out his Alto Saxophone and showed Mr. Haylen how much he had learned over the last two months. He may have shown off just a little. Mr. Haylen was impressed but ushered him to go hang out with his friends before school started. He reluctantly agreed and put up his Saxophone. The Alto Saxophone was officially the ninth instrument Schroeder could play with proficiency. He stilled loved the piano the most. He could never betray a first and only love. On his way out he played a couple of chords on the classroom baby grand. Then he finally left the band room.

After leaving the art hallway, Schroeder headed straight for the cafeteria to grab breakfast. When he got there, he noticed everyone seemed to have the same idea. The Cafeteria was packed. Schroeder just happened to see an open seat next to Linus. Linus looked like a nervous wreck, Schroeder guessed by the end of the day he was going to be having blanket withdraws.

"Hey, Linus," Linus looked up and smiled, "How are you?" Schroeder had asked before he stuffed a bite of chicken biscuit into his mouth. Linus replied with a so/so hand motion, probably because his mouth was full. Schroeder nodded, that pretty much sums up high school.

First and second period were boring, everyone was just introducing themselves and going over the class syllabus. Bored, Schroeder couldn't wait for third period, band, and his fingers were itching to play a melody that he had rattling around in his head. When the bell finally rang to signal the end of class. Schroeder essentially _skipped_ to the band room.

Schroeder, when he got into the band room, ran to the baby grand and sat down on the piano bench and played. His anxiety melted away as the soft, muted tones echoed beneath the closed lid. Music was the undoubtedly the greatest thing ever. After the bell rung, he jumped and then walked up to Mr. Haylen to ask what instrument he wanted Schroeder to get out. Trombone, the classic. Schroeder walked away realizing that was a dumb question, it was marching band season, _he marched the trombone_. It was times like these that he knew he deserved blonde hair.

After class ended and Schroeder had finished putting up his trombone, Mr. Haylen caught him and handed him some Alto Sax solos. He explained that they were some exercises and etudes that would certainly help develop the lip strength that came with playing a reed instrument. Schroeder thanked him and went off to go to his fourth period.

Schroeder was leisurely looking at the music and humming the tune to one of the musical sections. He wasn't looking where he was going and consequently walked into a wall. He squeaked as the impact caused him to lose his balance and tumble backward. While he was fumbling to regain his balance a person caught him by his hand. The person pulled Schroeder back onto his feet. That was the moment when Schroeder realized that this person was the "wall" he had walked into, _oh god_.

Schroeder stood there shell shocked. The guy was built like an _ox_ , no wonder Schroeder thought he was a wall! Schroeder felt relieved that he had walked into someone and not an actual wall, the later being more embarrassing than the first option. All at once, Schroeder was hit a weird sensation in his heart and stomach as he noticed the guy appeared to be peering into Schroeder's soul. Was he going to _say_ something or just _stare_ at him?

" _You okay_?" The wall asked, sounding concerned. Schroeder didn't know what to do. His hand was still within the giant's grasp. He pulled it away and felt his cheeks turn bright red. The guy had still refused to stop staring. What the hell is this? He felt small compared to the giant, wall like teenager. Schroeder felt like a mouse being cornered by a cat.

It took a lot to be noticeably larger than Schroeder and here was this guy, who did it _easily_. He was two Schroeder's wide but it wasn't fat, it was solid muscle, but what truly got to Schroeder was the fact that the wall was at _least three inches taller_. He was frozen to the spot and his mouth had stopped working and hung open uselessly. The giant snapped his fingers. Schroeder jumped and turned an even darker shade of red. Now he was the one caught staring.

"Uh, um," he swallowed, "I-I'm fine, t-thanks." The giant chuckled and reached his hand out. Schroeder just looked at it. He had just escaped the man's grasp.

"I'm Alex, nice to meet you..." Alex, the giant, raised an eyebrow, then Schroeder finally returned the handshake, understanding what this Alex wanted.

"I-I'm S-Schroeder, nice to-o meet you, too," Schroeder basically whispered then dropped the larger man's hand. His heart was pounding, and now even his ears were red. Schroeder swallowed, nervousness creeping up his spine.

" _Schroeder_ ," Alex said his name like he was tasting a fine wine, it made Schroeder shiver and his stomach drop. **What the hell is going on?!** "I like that name, _Schroeder_. It has a nice ring to it," Alex smiled. Schroeder's face was so red it hurt, and if Alex had noticed how red his face was, he didn't say anything, for that he was thankful. Schroeder felt like Alex looked familiar then a sudden realization hit Schroder. This was Alex Montgomery, the senior starting quarterback.

"You're the football player, Alex!" Schroeder exclaimed, causing Alex to burst out laughing. It was a pleasant sound, almost like music. A song he could definitely listen to over and over again.

"Yup, that's me," he chuckled, and the bell rang. Schroeder's eyes shot wide open. Oh, crap!

" _Oh, no_! I-I have to go," Schroeder gulped, late on the first day of school. He quickly turned and started towards his next class. He waved to Alex and then tripped and went face first into the floor. Alex ran up and picked him up. Schroeder couldn't believe his luck. Was the world out to get him? Alex was strong Schroeder noted to himself as Alex pulled all of Schroeder's weight in one yank.

"You and gravity must have it out a lot," He chuckled again, "You need to be careful, please," Alex smiled an awesome smile, "Plus, it's the first day of school just say you got lost, it's a believable story." Schroeder thanked him and ran off towards the math hallway with his heart still pounding and his face still flushed.

When he opened the door, the entire class paused and stared at him, now at least he had a legitimate reason for his red face, because whatever _**that**_ was with Alex wasn't a legitimate reason.

"Why are you late...?" The teacher clipped out. Schroeder smiled and explained that he had gotten lost and that he was terribly sorry. She forgave him and told him his seat was to the left of Charlie Brown's, and he quickly retreated and sat down. The teacher announced that they were going to do introductions by playing a game called "Two truths and one lie." The game was simple enough you write down three things, two are true, one is false, and people try to guess which is the lie. Schroeder just scribbled down the first things he thought of.

\- 1: I can play nine different instruments

\- 2: My favorite color is Purple

\- 3: I have two pianos in my house

The last one was the lie Schroeder has three pianos, two in his room and one in the living room. He was going to be one of the last people to read his card. He wasn't interested in the guessing part of the game, so his mind began to wonder. His mind went to a large, nice, muscled guy he'd ran into, a _very handsome_ , _muscled_ guy. Wait, _**what?**_ Schroeder gulped as he felt his stomach tighten, _good grief_. Alex seemed like such a friendly gentle person, wait... Did he _like_ Alex?! Schroeder was crushing, _**Good fucking grief!**_

Schroeder pulled at his face as he felt his stomach roil. Staring at the desk in front of him, he knew his face was twisted into a grimace. He'd _never_ felt this way about someone before. He understood what he was feeling. He had read some of his mother's cheesy romance novels, that he stole. The stupid butterflies and uncontrollable heat coursing throughout his body. He was _at least_ attracted to Alex, and Schroeder wanted to get to know the gentle giant. That idea didn't bother him as much as he felt like it should have and _it really should have bothered him_. Actually, he liked the idea, _a lot_. To have a crush on another boy that would mean he was _gay_ or maybe bi? Gay, the word echoed in his head, it made sense really. It shouldn't have, but it did. Thinking back he'd realized it made _a lot of sense_. Too bad he didn't have any more time to think about it, the kid in front of him was reading his card off. Then it was Schroeder's turn, Charlie Brown guessed which one even it was and gave the exact reason, Schroeder stuck his tongue out at him, the cheater. Then classed ended a couple of minutes later.

Charlie Brown caught up to him in the hallway. "Schroeder, are you okay? The faces you were making at your note card were... _interesting_ ," Charlie Brown asked.

"I'm fine, pretty good actually," Schroeder smiled. He continued to consider if he was actually _gay_ , he never had a crush on a girl before or ever even been attracted to one before. He was attracted to Alex, and there was no doubt on that. Girls who showed interest in him, like Lucy and Frieda, just pissed him off. Therefore he never wanted anything to do with them romantically.

"That's good, because for a minute there it looked like you were thinking about something not appropriate for school or that you were going to vomit," Charlie Brown rattled off, Schroeder faulted in his steps. His thoughts were not school appropriate. His face turned red.

"Well, I um," Schroeder mumbled, "I have a headache." Lame excuse first place winner, right here! Charlie Brown didn't press, he never would unless it was serious.

At lunch, Charlie Brown decided to sit next Lucy, who blew an annoying kiss to Schroeder. Schroeder purposely sat on the other side of Charlie. He happily shoved an entire peanut butter cookie into his mouth.

"Hey, _Schroeder_ ," Schroeder started to choke on his cookie, and Alex gave him a whack on the back as he sat down next to him. Schroeder knew he had the deer in the headlights look and felt his cheeks start to turn red. Not to mention the occasional hack as he was still recovering from almost choking to death. "You okay? I didn't mean to scare you," Alex muttered as he took a bite of an apple. Schroeder was speechless again. Alex was willingly sitting next to him, _**holy shit**_. Well, back to the sexuality crisis.

"You're Alex Montgomery, _the football star_ , why are you sitting here?" Lucy hissed. Alex looked confused and maybe a little hurt.

"Do you not want me to sit here?" Lucy said nothing, so Alex continued, "I'm sitting here 'cause me and Schroeder are friends." Schroeder choked once again, and Alex whacked his back, "Plus, I'm in advanced classes, and none of my football friends have lunch the same time as me." His finished by taking another bite out of his apple. Schroeder was still having an identity crisis about his sexual orientation, because of the **blockhead** next to him. No one else seemed to notice, but Schroeder was screaming on the inside.

"So, how are you, _Schroeder_?" Schroeder wanted Alex to stop saying his name like that,  or at all, it was giving him goosebumps. Not to mention the fact that his face was even redder now.

"I'm pretty good except for the fact that I have lost the ability to swallow correctly," Alex gave Schroeder a crooked grin. _Oh_.

"I noticed." The conversation went on easily between them and Charlie Brown. Lucy couldn't seem to stop glaring. Alex said, he thought they rode the same bus and was wondering if Schroeder would like to sit with him later. Schroeder agreed. The rest of the day seemed to drag on as he heard the same introductions from people he met classes ago. When the final dismissal bell rang, he ran to his locker and gathered up his things and got his Alto Sax from the band room. Alex was waiting for him, and they got on the bus together. Then Schroeder asked himself for the first time, _was Alex interested in him_? It _did_ seem that way. Schroeder decided to take a risk and see where this whole thing was going.

"Ya know, I _really_ like that beanie," Alex said, smiling. Schroeder blushed, again. Damn, if Alex hasn't figured out the fact that Schroeder has a crush on him, he would have to be completely dense. The bus ride home was great. Alex asked if Schroeder would like watch football practice tomorrow, of course, Schroeder agreed. He liked where this was going.

When Schroeder got off the bus, he was in the clouds and went inside and played his piano, happily thinking about what it would be like to have Alex sit on his piano.


	6. Heart to Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Lucy was livid. Today she had witnessed Schroeder accepting someone else's affections, and it was _a guy_! A known _gay guy_ at that. Maybe she was overreacting, maybe they were good friends, maybe Schroeder was getting sick. That did seem the most logical, to her anyway, but her psychology knowledge told her otherwise. Schroeder definitely reacted to Alex in an _inappropriate_ manner, but whether the reaction was welcome or not was the question. When she watched them at lunch, it made her blood boil. She couldn't believe it, she'd never seen Schroeder so flustered in her entire life. The more she thought about, the more she wanted answers, then she decided she was going over to Schroeder's house.

Then she noticed that she couldn't leave right that second. Linus had disappeared, and now she had to wait for him to get back. She didn't get it, Linus had cross country practice tomorrow. Why couldn't he just wait? She was festering for about an hour before Linus finally came through the door. _Jeesh_.

"Linus, _oh my god_! You took _forever_ ," she droned, "and you have practice tomorrow, and you're going to be _exhausted_!" Linus was taking his 150 dollar running shoes off, the pair he won at nationals last year, and rolled his eyes.

"It's the first practice of the year, and _I'm a freshman_ ," Linus said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He sighed, "it's going to be easy, and I actually need the extra run time too!" Then he stormed off to his room, and a minute later into the bathroom. She briefly wondered what had him so upset, she shrugged it off. She had her own problems to worry about. She went to check on Rerun. He was sitting in his room reading a book.

"Hey Rerun, I'm going over to Schroeder's. Linus' is in the shower," Lucy cooed. She had the biggest soft spot for Rerun, God help anyone who ever tries to hurt him, and she knew about it.

"Okay. Lucy, don't kill anyone," Rerun could tell she was furious, and he gained a sense of bluntness with Lucy, that even she could appreciate.

"Okay, I won't, bye bye," Lucy put her shoes on and was out the door. She might actually kill someone today, but severely mane always sounded better. It came with less jail time. She festered even more as she walked down this sidewalk. When she saw Schroeder's blue roofed house, she heard pleasant piano music coming from his room. She knocked on the door knowing his mother would answer, she did.

"Hello, Lucy nice to see you, come on in, Schroeder's in his room," Schroeder's mom had always liked Lucy because whenever she needed help Lucy would jump at the opportunity. Even if it was for reasons like having a free all-access pass to Schroeder. It had only failed her a couple times. Lucy smiled and thanked her and headed straight up the stairs to Schroeder's room. The music pouring out of his closed door was soft, and almost romantic in quality it confused the hell out of Lucy. She opened the door to see one of her favorite sights, Schroeder leaning over the piano, blue eyes half closed, and focus written on his face. What she would do to have that look focused on her.

"Hey, Schroeder," Lucy said, the music had calmed her nerves. She wasn't so downright anger, but she was a girl on a mission. Schroeder stopped playing and looked up and sighed.

"Hey, Lucy. _What are you doing here_?" Schroeder said shutting the key cover on his petite grand piano.

"I came to ask you a couple questions," Lucy said going to sit next to him on the piano bench. Schroeder scooted over willingly because he had learned by now resistance was futile. Lucy's mother always said all men could be trained.

" _What questions_?" He paused, "Never mind, fire away." He just leaned his arm onto the piano and rested his face on his fist, waiting. Lucy felt surprised, he normally argued a least a little. Today he seemed almost docile. She just gave a mental shrug and went with it.

"What would you do if one day we should get married?" Lucy chimed off the old phrase. Schroeder brought his hand that he wasn't resting on, to his face. He scrunched up his eyebrows and thought about it and then blushed! Lucy's jaw dropped open. Then she watched him shake his head as if to swipe an image away from his mind, but only to blush more. What? That was a sudden change of heart.

"Um, what would I do we were to get married," Schroeder sighed contently lost in his own world, "I wonder if it's even legal in this state? ... I think so, Didn't it pass nationally a while ago?" Schroeder muttered seeming to have forgotten Lucy was even there. He had a smile as if he was deep in thought and he was still blushing. Marriage isn't illegal, what was he talking about?

"Schroeder, marriage isn't _illegal_. _**What are you talking about?...**_ " Lucy inquired. Schroeder's face turned an even darker shade of red as he jumped out of his mental... whatever it was. He looked guilty. Then it hit her the only marriage that was ever not legal was _gay marriage_. Schroeder **could not** be gay. She came her to confirm the opposite. She stood up quickly, knocking the piano bench back causing Schroeder to stumble. He had wanted to react to Alex today at lunch, he wanted it! She refused to believe it and her anger boiled over, " _ **You're playing one sick joke,**_ **Schroeder!** _ **Faking to be gay! That's a new low even for you**_!" Lucy screamed. Schroeder looked legitimately hurt, really hurt. Tears even started to well up in his eyes. Holy crap, she sat back down as his tears began to flow steadily. He usually got extremely angrily instead of getting sad. She must have really hurt him. _What the hell_? She reached towards him, only to have him swat her hand away. He wiped at his face, angrily. There was the rage. He laid his head down on his piano and hid his face in his arms. It looked extremely childish, and it was evident that he was hiding from her. When he finally talked, Lucy barely heard him.

"So you'd hate me if I was gay?" Schroeder whispered. Holy shit. Lucy's mouth hung open. When she didn't say anything, he sighed and continued, "Well, I guess I couldn't blame you, could I?" He lifted his head up and looked right into Lucy's soul. The tears in his eyes made her heart hurt. He reached out and grabbed Lucy's hands. They were wet from wiping at his tears. This conversation was not going how she planned. "Lucy. Today I realized something about myself that I feel like I've always known somewhere inside of me, but I never noticed, or acknowledged it, because I avoided any kind of romance with anyone," he paused and took a deep, broken breath. This cannot be happening! Schroeder went on, "Lucy I think I really am gay," and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he actually flinched like she was going to hit him. That made her feel even worse.

Schroeder said he was gay, he actually said it! The look in his eyes told Lucy he wasn't kidding. She felt a sharp, burning pain stab into her chest. Rejection, full out rejection, her heart was breaking. She really thought he'd always been playing hard to get or maybe he didn't want to admit defeat. With those ideas, she never felt entirely rejected by Schroeder constantly saying no, but being told the guy you've been after for ten years is gay has a finality to it. She felt her eyes burn as the tears started to fall. Schroeder pulled his hands away and wrapped her in a hug. Lucy felt herself being pulled closer to him as he squeezed her tightly. " _I'm sorry_ ," he muttered into her hair, " I never had the intentions of truly hurting you, you're a very good friend of mine. I just can't let you continue to waste your time on me. My interests lie elsewhere. Go out and find a boyfriend who actually wants to date you." He had put his hand on her chin and was making her look at, even though she really didn't want to. He smiled and then continued "I bet the first time a boy says yes to you, you won't know what to do!" He chucked. He said things like this before, many times, but here it was the last time.

"Schroeder," Lucy paused to take a breath, "I-I don't know what to say, but I hope you find happiness. Happiness is most important." She paused and decided to ask the question she came over to ask, even though she felt like she already knew the answer. "Do you have a crush on Alex?" Schroeder turned red and smiled sheepishly.

"I think so, running into him, literally, in the hallway opened my eyes up a little, or more like _a lot_. He seems so sweet," he paused at looked up at her again, "are you sure you want to hear this?" She smiled, even though her heart just got broken, she could never hate him. She had too much time invested in him to give up a friendship.

"Yeah, but I can't give you advice on dating guys I don't know anything myself," She replied cheekily. _Oh, her chest hurt_. Schroeder then proceeded to tell her all about his day and even played the piano just for her. Maybe friendship with Schroeder was better than unrequited love.


	7. Steps Towards Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Linus felt better as he seen his house approaching as he was finishing his run. He slowed and walked about a block to complete his cool down. He felt a lot better. He had run all his frustrations out. He loved running. He opened the front door with a contented sigh, only to have it scared straight back into his lungs.

"Linus, _oh my god! You took forever_ ," Lucy droned, "and you have practice tomorrow, and you're going to _exhausted_!" He let the air once again leave his lungs as the stress and frustration started to return. Running was the only time he _**EVER**_ got any peace! He squatted down to taking his prized shoes off. Practice tomorrow was going to reconditioning for all the blockheads who didn't run over the summer and the newbs.

"It's the first practice of the year, and _I'm a freshman_ ," Linus ground out, his jaw was locking up, he sighed, then said, in an overly loud voice, "it's going to be easy, and I actually need the extra run time too!" _God,_ Lucy needs to deal with her problems better, everyone else's problems she can solve, but hers she never could. He retreated into his room gathered up some super soft pajamas and then went to take a shower. He angrily took his clothes off and splashed some water his face and looked in the mirror, you could see his jaw locking and unlocking, it looked like it was twitching. He sighed, why was he _so angry_ in the _first place_? Today at school was fine, then he remembered. _He was being ignored_! People talked to him, sure, _new people_ , but no one he claimed as friends spoke to him after first period. Even _Sally_ ignored him! Sure he never liked her romantically, but he was still her friend. He slammed the shower curtain open and turned the water on, **screw it**. He needed to calm the fuck down.

After his shower, he had chilled out. He walked out to see Rerun sitting on the couch scrolling through Netflix on the Xbox.

"Hey, Rerun," he paused noticing the house was quiet, " Where's Lucy?" Rerun sighed.

"She went to go see Schroeder about something that had upset her."

"Oh. Okay," Linus muttered. Lucy could have told him. Well, actually she couldn't of he had stormed off. Whatever. He plopped next to Rerun on the couch effectively bouncing him up about a foot. He chuckled. Linus was right about a foot taller than Rerun and around 50 pounds heavier. After Linus had outgrown his "embarrassing" habits, Rerun and he got along a lot better. It made Linus incredibly happy that Rerun no longer refused to socialize with him.

"What are you going to watch?" Linus said as he decided coffee sounded heavenly and started to head towards the kitchen.

"I don't really know probably some anime."

"Sounds great," Linus said as he finished with his Keurig. After he had returned to the living room, Rerun and him marathoned on random shows.

About two hours later, Lucy returned home. Her face was red as if she had been crying. "Hey, guys. How did you two fare without me?" She asked sounding about two inches tall. Linus stood up and started walking towards her, something was really wrong. She wasn't an emotional person. Anger was the exception if he was telling the truth.

" _Lucy, what's the matter_?" Linus asked, quietly.

"Can we talk in private, please?" Lucy whispered, glancing at Rerun, who was till focused on the TV. Linus nodded.

"Hey, Rerun, we'll be back in a minute, okay?" Linus said Rerun made a hand wave motion as a response. They retreated to Lucy's room. She sighed.

"Schroeder told me something today. Me and him will _never_ work out. It's official, I'm no longer going to pursue him," she just let the words and tears flow. Linus wrapped Lucy in a hug, he was a little over a year younger than her, but he already dwarfed her in size. He felt a wet spot forming in his T-shirt as she cried her little heart out. He comforted her the best he could, rubbing her back and telling her it was going to okay. He had no idea what Schroeder could have said or done to get Lucy to act like this. This better not be a repeat of past issues. She was known for undying dedication to him and her grit, he must have done something _terrible_.

"Lucy. _What did Schroeder do to you_?" Linus said as he grabbed Lucy's chin forcing her to look at him. Making sure to examined her closely. She smiled through her tears.

"He didn't _do_ anything," Lucy shook her head and sighed, " _He's_ _ **gay**_ Linus, he just came out of the closet to _me_!" Linus' jaw hit the floor, _**What**_? Information does not compute. _**Gay**_? Linus' stomach churned. Lucy just received the ultimate rejection, her pain must be indescribable. Linus then wrapped Lucy into another hug, this time, he held her even tighter. _That jackass_.

"It'll be okay. _I promise_ ," Linus paused as a flash of anger filled him, "and if not I can _kick his ass_." Lucy laughed, actually started laughing. Linus, at first, thought it was hysterics, but she had the most genuine smile on.

"No need Linus, _I'm free_. He and I talked about everything, and it all makes sense now, I'm going to move on," Lucy said and paused looking awkward for a second. It passed as she continued, "Ya know, it's _my fault_ he was so confused, Linus, he was scared of a romance of any sort. He sorta always knew he didn't like girls, but he just chalked it up to that it was just me or Frieda or every other girl in the universe, or that something was wrong with him. Until he ran into this guy and his heart reacted for the first. He even said he felt like he didn't have one for the longest time. It makes me so sad to realize what I had done to him." She said, all her wounds exposed. Linus opened his mouth, but Lucy raised a finger. "I think I will be happier with our friendship the way it Is now, compared to my one-sided romance." Linus was agitated, he honestly didn't know what to do. Lucy sounded so grown up, and she was taking this amazingly well. Schroeder's internal struggle must have sucked, to go through life like that, thinking the way that he felt made him a terrible person. Linus knew that Lucy has never been as happy as she is this moment. Linus still felt a trickle of anger in the back of his mind. It took him fifteen years to tell the girl who cared about him so much he was gay. It made Schroeder a little bit of a dick.

"I still want to beat him up, though," Linus said with a big grin on his face. Lucy playfully punched him in the arm. This was going to a great step forward for everyone's overall happiness. Hopefully.


	8. Bombshells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Charlie Brown walked to the bus the next morning feeling like something astronomical had happened, and no one had told him. His first clue that he was right was when Lucy ran up and gave him a big hug. Charlie Brown stiffened afraid she was going to slug him. _What on Earth_?

"Charlie Brown!" She exclaimed happily, "How are you this lovely morning?" He just stared at her for a second, then looked to Linus for some clarification. He just shrugged.

"I'm pretty good, actually," _and I didn't cut this morning._ Charlie Brown left the last part unsaid for obvious reasons. It felt good being hugged by someone who was usually so cruel to him. He then pulled away and smiled at her. "How are you feeling? _You're not sick are you_?" Lucy giggled a girly giggle. Yup, she was dying of some terminal disease.

"Nope, I'm just **SO** happy. I'm going to have the **_greatest_ ** day today!" Then she did the impossible, she squealed like a girl. Charlie Brown smiled at Lucy and then walked over to Linus before she exploded.

" _Is she okay?"_ Charlie Brown whispered.

"She's great. She and Schroeder came to an agreement, and she's pretty happy about it," Linus said smiling, but with his jaw tight. He was suppressing something, huh. Had the impossible finally happened?

" _ **Their dating?!"** _ Charlie Brown choked out, assuming that's what Linus was talking about. Linus shook his head in the no direction. _Oh?_

"You can't tell anyone this, but since you're, well, you, I'm going tell you," he paused and stepped closer to Charlie Brown. " _Schroeder's gay_ ," Linus whispered. Charlie Brown's jaw dropped. **Why on earth was Lucy happy then?!** None of this was making sense.

" _Huh?_ That doesn't make any sense," Charlie Brown emphasized with a dramatic hand gesture. Linus shrugged, he looked tense, he must agree.

"They talked a lot everything's going to be great. Everyone's going to be a lot happier this way," Linus paused as the bus approached, "just don't say anything to anyone, _especially Schroeder_. He needs to tell everyone on his own terms, okay?" Charlie Brown nodded as they walked onto the bus. Linus sat with him today, and they chilled with music. When Schroeder got on the bus, he seemed to be the best mood he'd ever been in. Which wasn't saying much, because Schroeder never seemed genuinely happy anymore. He sat in a different seat, by himself with a big grin on his face. Huh? A couple songs later, Alex got on the bus and promptly sat down next to Schroeder. Was Alex linked to Schroeder new found gayness? Charlie periodically glanced over in their direction, and they just seemed liked a couple. Schroeder's face was red, like a tomato. Alex's was tinged slightly pink, and he had a small smirk on his face. Yup, they were acting like a couple.

Upon arriving at school, Charlie Brown prepared for the day ahead. He turning off his iPod, and Linus and he walked to the cafeteria.

"Hey, Charlie Brown, want to come watch me at cross country practice today?" Linus asked out of the blue.

"Sounds like a lot of _watching_ ," Charlie Brown smiled, "I'm game, I can do my homework outside. I would be a great change of pace."

"Good, see you then. I'm going to run to check on Lucy, make sure she hasn't _molested_ anybody," he waved as he walked away. Charlie Brown wondered if he was kidding or not, with Lucy no longer occupied with Schroeder it could be dangerous for anyone she decided to give her affections to. Charlie Brown smiled, as much of a bombshell, this thing with Schroeder was, they were both radiating happiness. He did have the odd suspicion that Lucy was faking hers. He decided he wanted to go and talk to Schroeder, so he wondered in the direction of the band room.

What he found astounded him, Schroeder was playing the piano, and Alex Montgomery was sitting next to him. A spot that was usually occupied by Lucy, whether Schroeder wanted her there or not. Schroeder sincerely looked like he wanted Alex next to him. Charlie Brown felt awful about it, but he decided to spy on them for a minute. Alex commented on how lovely the music was, Schroeder blushed and smiled a small smile as he thanked the quarterback. What happened next surprised Charlie Brown even more, as Schroeder resumed playing, Alex put his arm around Schroeder's shoulders, and Schroeder actually missed a beat in his playing. **_Damn, Alex_**. Schroeder wasn't one to be charmed. Charlie Brown decided he didn't want to interrupt and went on his way. He walked away smiling, knowing this was going to fine in the end.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, except for the regular bullying and his constant, everyday battle with self-loathing. _Lunch_ , on the other hand, was incredibly fascinating. Alex sat with at the table again, next to Schroeder specifically. Charlie could definitely see through them. Even though there was no new Earth shattering news. So Schroeder was going to chill in the closet for a little longer. He was probably waiting for Alex to officially ask him out, or something like that. Lucy wasn't hostile at all and even had a new guy sitting with her, good for her. His name was, Charlie Brown couldn't remember, something with a "J" like John or Jake. He was enjoying his peanut butter sandwich, content with the aura of happiness that surrounded his friends.

" **Hiya, Chuck!"** Charlie Brown almost jumped out of his skin, as he inhaled part of his sandwich and started to choke. Peppermint Patty hit him on the back and saved him. Schroeder was laughing from across the table at the spectacle they put on. _Oh, it's hilarious isn't it Schroeder? Did he forget about yesterday?_ "Chuck, you _okay_? I didn't mean to try to kill you," Peppermint Patty snickered as she sat next him.

"How are you, Peppermint Patty?" He asked when he could breathe again.

"I'm good! I miss Marcie. That stupid charter school, her parents, made her go to," She basically growled. Charlie Brown sighed, Marcie parents drove her to the brink of exhaustion, and finally sent her off to a school that she now lives at. He felt sorry for Marcie, but hopefully, she gets more sleep now.

"I miss her too, but she's probably better off away from her parents," he said taking another bite out of his sandwich. Peppermint Patty agreed but then groaned. " _Eat your lunch_ , Peppermint Patty," Charlie Brown said before she went on a rant.

After the rest of the school day went by, he met up with Linus out by the football field. Where he was told that Cross Country was going to be held. He walked up the stands and sat down. Then Linus showed up, now clad in athletic clothes. Charlie Brown noted that Linus actually had shaped up. Charlie already knew this, but it stilled surprised him.

"Charlie Brown _come here!"_ Linus shouted. Charlie Brown got up, shoved his hands in his pockets and went to Linus. He smiled weakly, a little while ago he had another nasty run in with Amy, _and she was with Violet,_ it was awful. He felt worthless, and just wanted to go home, but he promised Linus that he would be here. So he was.

"Hey, Linus," Charlie Brown looked up and noticed that Schroeder had tailed Linus and was right behind him. _**How does one miss Schroeder?**_ "Hi, Schroeder. Whatcha doing here?" Schroeder blushed.

"I'm here to watch football practice," Schroeder said looking towards the locker rooms. Huh, I didn't know he liked football. Oh, wait he likes _football players._

"Hey, guys, I need to head over to the team, on the other side of the track you guys can hang out here. Schroeder, the football team, will be out in about five minutes," Linus explained, a crooked smirk on his face.

"I need to go to the band room for a minute, I forgot my trombone, so I'll be right, Kay?" Schroeder said as he waved and turned around, heading for the school. Linus shrugged, that wasn't like Schroeder to forget his instrument.

"So, Charlie Brown, how are feeling?" Linus asked. _Shitty_ , but Charlie Brown wasn't going to say that.

"Pretty good, actually," he rattled off the generic response. Linus started to say something but Charlie Brown tripped. He fell straight forward and scraped the palms of his hands. **Ouch!** The pain really didn't bother him, he actually felt better as the burning set in. Linus helped him up, by picking him up by the collar of his hoodie.

"You okay, Charlie? That looked like it hurt like a _bitch_ ," Linus started to reach towards Charlie Brown's hands, Charlie Brown panicked and pulled them away promptly. He was going to shove his hands into his hoodie pocket, but he didn't want to get blood on it. Oh, no. This could be bad.

"I'm fine really, it doesn't hurt that much," Charlie Brown said as he looked at his hands, blood pooling in the palms, just below the scrap. It looked bad, but it was true, it didn't hurt. It was more like the pain was welcome and the sight familiar.

"You're bleeding badly, Charlie Brown," Linus reached for his hands again, and he pulled his hand away splattering a little blood onto his hoodie. Well, _fuck_. " **Let me see, Charlie Brown!** " Linus got forceful, and Charlie Brown had hesitated long enough for Linus to grab his right hand. His hoodie sleeve fell back revealing Charlie Brown's darkest and most well-kept secret, his _scars_. Charlie Brown was panic stricken and tried to jerk his hand away again, but Linus held on. Linus looked up into his eyes, and straight into his soul.

" _You cut yourself?_ " Linus asked in a voice that seemed to come from someone else.


	9. Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Charlie Brown just looked down. This wasn't happening. He could feel Linus' stare burning into him, and he felt his eyes start prick with tears. He felt so _terrible_. He didn't deserve to cry. When he worked the nerve to look up at Linus and what he saw surprised him. Linus was looking at Charlie Brown's wrist, and tears were streaming down his face. Charlie couldn't hold his tears in anymore.

"I'm sorry, I never meant for anyone to find out," Charlie Brown whispered embarrassed. A flash of anger appeared in Linus' eyes. Charlie flinched, and Linus just shook his head. Linus' eyes were wide, and Charlie couldn't exactly tell what he as feeling.

" _How long?"_ That was all Linus said. Charlie Brown felt incredibly inadequate with those wide, tear filled eyes staring into his soul. Charli felt like he owed it to Linus to answer, but he had always hoped that he'd never be having this conversation.

"Seventh grade." Linus' eyes shot open even wider, and he let go of Charlie's wrist, shook his head in disbelief, turned around, and _ran_. Linus left him standing there and sprinted to practice. He looked angry as he was forced to wipe away tears the whole way. Charlie was devastated, he might have just lost his best friend, one of the few people he actually trusted. He wiped at his tears only to realize he had smeared blood on his face, and the tears made his scrapes burn. He sighed in frustration. It's moments like these that made him feel worthless. These moments were the reasons he cut in the first place.

"Charlie Brown, _are you okay?_ " Schroeder dropped all his stuff and ran to Charlie's side, " _Oh my Beethoven!_ What happened you have _blood_ everywhere! Let's get you cleaned up," Schroeder wiped at the blood on Charlie Brown's face and started to guide him towards a water faucet. "Where exactly is your injury?" Charlie Brown showed Schroder the palm's of his hands and his sleeves fell back. His scars were on display once again to another one of friends. Charlie gasped his face turned beet red. Schroeder's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything about them. "Nasty fall?"

"Yeah, I was walking with Linus, and I tripped and scraped my hands on the track," Charlie Brown muttered. Schroeder looked around as if trying to find something, only to knit his eyebrows together. He shook his head and went back to the task at hand. Then they arrived at the water faucet, and Schroeder turned it on low.

"Put your hands under the spray," Schroeder said as he squatted down, Charlie mimicked the motion. In a few minutes, his hands were cleaned up. Charlie Brown always kept a first aid kit with him. Schroeder had delicately tended to his wounds, including his newest cuts on each wrist, but still said nothing. "Good as new," looking him up and down, he frowned, "except for your hoodie I can't get that blood out of that." Charlie Brown laughed, a broken sound, Schroeder had taken the entire situation in stride. Unlike Linus, who simply ran off. _Ow_ , Charlie's stomach hurt, he wasn't good enough to be his friend anyway.

"Let's go sit down practice has started," Schroeder smiled. Then he walked away to go retrieve his abandoned possessions. Charlie Brown returned to his original seat and got out his homework again. He sighed, did Linus despise him? He should. Charlie wasn't worth much anyway. Why didn't Schroeder anything? How did this happen? _Why did this happen?_

" _ **Aaugh**_!" Charlie exclaimed as he pulled at his hair.

"You're thinking too hard, the answer is 42," Schroeder said as he sat down next to him. _What_? Oh, the math homework on his lap. Schroeder smiled and then looked out to the field. Charlie Brown couldn't resist asking anymore.

"Schroeder?"

"Hmm?" Schroeder turned his head to look at him.

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Huh?" Schroeder looked genuinely confused, then realization hit him, " _No..._ Why would I be?"

"Linus was," it was barely a whisper. He probably hates me, too.

"Oh, so that's why you were alone. No, I can't be mad at you. You've never found a constructive stress outlet. Honestly, it was more of a confirmation of something I felt like I already knew," Schroeder shrugged, "Sure, it's worse than I thought it was. But, I can't say I blame you. If I didn't have music I might be a lot worse off," Schroeder smiled, but it did seemed forced, "I just hope one day you no longer feel the need to cut anymore." Charlie Brown had started to cry somewhere in the middle of that speech. They weren't sad tears, they were tears of joy. Schroeder understands, and he didn't even press his own opinion on the subject. He didn't deserve a friend like Schroeder.

"Thank you, Schroeder," was all Charlie Brown could think to say. Schroeder smiled.

"You're welcome," Schroeder then looked back out to the football field and continued to observe the practice scrimmage. Charlie Brown resumed work on his homework, strangely content with life. The answer to the first question was 42, huh.

A few minutes later Schroeder spoke up, "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure." _Oh, no._

"Well, recently I have discovered that I'm, _ya know_ , gay." It was out of the blue and Charlie Brown hadn't anticipated that. He was expecting some sort of lecture.

"Well then... that's great," Charlie Brown said, and decided he needed act as if he hadn't already heard this from Linus. "How did Lucy take _that_?"

"Better than was expected. We talked it out yesterday. She's hurt, of course, but she understands and feels better about herself because of it. I'm happy we're still friends. She's just not _'my type'_ ," he said, and he even finger quoted "my type." Charlie Brown chuckled.

"Wow, so that's why she had the new arm candy at lunch today." Charlie Brown said, and Schroeder looked surprised for a second.

"She moved fast, but I guess I did too," he paused and started to mess with his beanie, looking incredibly shy, "I-I have a boyfriend now," Schroeder blushed and pointed out the number 24, the quarterback, Alex Montgomery. Well, Charlie should get points for calling that. Charlie Brown stared open mouthed at him, unsure how Schroeder could have become attached so quickly. "He asked me out this morning. I've never been in a relationship before, and I like the feeling." Schroeder had a brilliant smile, he was glowing.

"Your dating a _football player_?" Charlie Brown chuckled and then Schroeder laughed too. Charlie already knew this from his observations that morning, but it was still surprising how quickly the relationship had progressed.

"Yup, and I really like him. He's nice to me and not _insane_ , which is a _biggy_ ," Schroeder said with a sparkle in his eyes. Charlie Brown laughed again, a week ago this would have been utterly inconceivable.

"I'm happy for you," Charlie Brown felt centered and pretty good about life, even though everything familiar was no longer the truth. Schroeder is a great friend and made him feel better than he had in a long time. Had Schroeder always been this accepting? Yeah, he'd always been a great guy.

Charlie Brown finished his math homework and looked up to see what was going on. He happened to see Linus in a dead sprint around the track, he was upset, and Charlie could tell. The negative energy just radiated off of him. Charlie sighed, and his stomach tightened. He was going to have to talk to Linus about what he discovered today, and it wasn't going to be as easy as it had been with Schroeder. Later, he could worry about that later, now it was time for his language homework.


	10. Damn Beanie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Schroeder had a great start to the day. He got ready in record time and played the piano with a little extra finesse before he headed out. He was over the moon, he was free of his bindings to Lucy, and he could go on without her holding him down. Freedom had a wonderful ring to it, the freedom to be with the perfect guy.

Schroeder got the bus and seen that Linus had picked the right day to sit with Charlie Brown. So he happily plopped into the seat he had shared with Alex yesterday. Humming happy ditties while waiting just made his fingers impatient to find keys of ivory. Grabbing his satchel strap he tapped impatiently, he hated waiting. He was never good at it not to mention it made him nervous.

Schroeder was deep in thought when he was abruptly jostled and looked over to see his brown haired cutie. "Hey, _Schroeder_. How are you this morning? Glad to see you here," Schroeder just loved the sound of Alex's voice, it was like Beethoven's best composition.

" _I'm great_ ," Schroeder sighed. Had anyone ever been happier? Suddenly a funny thought ran through his head. Lucy once argued the fact that Beethoven 'had liked girls' as one of her many attempts to gain his affections. _Sorry Beethoven, I like boys_. A laugh escaped his throat. Schroder blushed and covered his mouth out of embarrassment.

"That good, _huh_? I'm glad, I'm ecstatic too. I nearly always sit by myself, but walking up and finding you waiting was a _very pleasant_ surprise," Alex said in a soft voice. Schroeder shifted in his seat, he knew his face was beet red. Alex's mild flirting was just so sweet.

"I'm glad you enjoy my company, I was hoping you would," Schroeder murmured. He was still incredibly shy, but at least he could talk today. That in itself is an improvement on yesterday. Not to mention this was his first time he had really _ever_ flirted.

"Why wouldn't I?" Alex chuckled, "I _really_ enjoy your company." Alex scooted closer to Schroeder making it where their bodies were pressed together. Schroeder had nowhere to go. He _should have_ been freaking out, he _should have_ Alex to give him space, but he was comfortable. This was a _good thing_. His face was burning, his stomach was tight, and his body was reacting to being touched. This was all so new. Schroeder had lost the ability to speak and just swallowed around the lump in his throat. "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine, _g-great_ actually," he managed to choke out. Alex smirked and leaned in close. There goes the ability to speak again. Alex's smiled widened, and he leaned in about an inch. Schroeder's eye's widened, but he didn't move.

"Do you like me, _Schroeder_?" Alex inquired out of the blue. His grin had softened making his features appear angelic. Schroeder definitely liked this guy. He readjusted his satchel to sit directly on his lap and started to tap nervously on it. Schroeder's chest had tightened from nervousness.

"L-like you _how_ , exactly?" Schroeder stuttered.

"Ya know, **_like_** me?" Alex emphasized his statement by tracing a heart on Schroeder's nervously tapping hand. Schroeder felt his heart, brain, and body simultaneously short circuit. He had lost the ability to speak _altogether_ , and his hand was frozen underneath Alex's finger. "Can I take your constant, _adorable_ blush as a yes?" Alex poked Schroeder's nose, causing him to blink. Schroeder simply nodded, not trusting his words. Oh, sweet Beethoven. "Well, if you **_like_** me," Alex leaned in close, " _Will you be my boyfriend_?" _**What?**_ Schroeder's mind reset again. _This couldn't be happening!_ Forget not being able to function, he couldn't _breathe_. " **So?"** Alex raised an eyebrow. Schroeder forced himself to swallow and then was finally able to breathe again. He swallowed again hoping to calm his racing heart, but it didn't work

"Y-yes. Tha-at would be awe-awesome," Schroeder stuttered like the dork he is. _**Smooth**_. Alex was going to think he had a speech impediment. Alex let out a sigh of relief.

"For a second there I thought you were going to say no," Alex chuckled nervously. He cleared his throat and continued, "Glad you didn't." He then wrapped his arm around Schroeder, _his boyfriend._ Schroeder feared his heart was going to explode at this rate, too much stimulation. If his heart did explode, he would die happy, it seemed He let out a sigh and leaned into Alex's embrace. Alex smiled, and Schroeder smiled back, and they stayed like that until they arrived at school.

"That was nice, I'm glad you liked me enough to be my boyfriend," Alex smiled and ruffled the blonde's hair, and Schroeder blushed, but this time from embarrassment. Even though Alex was almost three years older than him did not give him that right. Schroeder fumed as he realized he was going to have to fix his beanie.

 **"Hey!"** Schroeder waved his hands, shooing Alex's away, " **I'm not five!"** Alex let out a laugh and tried to ruffle his hair again. Schroeder once again shooed his hands away and frowned. " **Great** , now I have to fix my beanie!" Schroeder tried to keep his face straight as he started to remove the bobby pins and took his beanie off. He put _too much effort_ into maintaining his crazy, curly hair for it to be messed up before school _even_ started.

"So that's what you look like without that _damn beanie_ ," Alex smiled and roared into laughter after Schroeder shot him a death glare. "I still like it, though. I've just never seen you without it," Alex shrugged. Schroeder put the pins in his mouth as he put his beanie on and started to replace the bobby pins. He was also hoping the gel was messed up.

After Schroeder was finished, he said, "Wanna head to the band room?"

"Never been, show me the way," Alex smiled while he shrugged.

"Come on then! I wanna play you the piano!" Schroeder gathered up all his nerves and grabbed Alex's hand and led him towards the band room. Schroeder couldn't wait to share his truest passion with Alex. Ales had invited him to football practice. Schroeder felt like he could take Alex to the band room.

They arrived, and Schroeder sat down at the piano and opened the lid and, not even waiting for Alex and started playing. It felt _so good_ as his fingers danced across the keys. Alex had, at some point, sat down next to him. Having his boyfriend sitting next to him at his favorite place in the world was marvelous.

" **Wow** , _this is amazing!_ " Alex said dazed, "it's _lovely_." Schroeder couldn't help but smile and blush, he felt his chest swell with pride.

" _Thank you_ ," Schroeder muttered shyly. Then Alex's arm was wrapped around his shoulders, and he pulled Schroeder closer to him. Schroeder's hands stopped working for a moment, and he dropped a beat or three. _Wow_ , Schroeder _loved_ the warmth of being held, but quickly shrugged out of Alex grasp for the fear of Mr. Haylen walking in. Schroeder had to force his heart to slow down from a strange wave of anxiety that had washed over him.

The boys stayed in the band room until they had to leave for first period. They didn't need to be late, it wasn't the first day of school anymore. Before they could leave Mr. Haylen had shown up and was astonished to see the two boys at the piano. It wasn't a bad surprise it was more of him not understanding why. Schroeder was all right with leaving his favorite teacher confused, he could figure it out on his own.

The rest of the school day was average, Schroeder seemed to like all of his teachers so far. His opinions hadn't changed since yesterday. Schroeder only got to see Alex during lunch because Alex was a senior and he was a sophomore. Lunch, for that reason, was becoming Schroeder's favorite part of the day, next to band that is.

Today at lunch a long time friend of the gang's showed up unexpectedly, Peppermint Patty. She was a loose cannon and a half when she loudly approached the table and scared Charlie Brown into choking. Schroeder couldn't help but laugh, it was almost the _exact same_ incident that had happened to him yesterday. Schroeder didn't listen to their conversation. He still couldn't believe Peppermint Patty, the rough and tumble, tomboy had grown into looking like a supermodel who wore sandals. Charlie had made the mistake the mistake of mentioning that to her. _He got a black eye from it._ She always complained about them getting in the way.

After lunch nothing else eventful happened, until after school that is. Schroeder was eager to get out on the football field. He gathered up his things quickly and headed towards the band room. It was on the way to the football field. He didn't make it there, though. He saw Linus all ready for Cross Country practice and decided he wanted to talk. It almost looked like Linus was waiting for him.

"Hey, Linus!" The death glare he received surprised him, a lot. Huh? "What?"

" ** _Having a nice time chasing jocks?"_** Linus spat. Schroeder stopped in his tracks, a feeling of dread settling in his chest. **Lucy,** ** _fuck!_**

"What?" Schroeder said feigning innocence.

"Oh, ya know, with you being **_gay_** and all. _God,_ you're such a clique," Linus rolled his eyes. Schroeder was dumbfounded and overwhelmed with anger.

" **Linus!** _What the fuck?"_ Schroeder growled. Linus stared at him hard and then a smiled broke out on his face and burst out laughing. Schroeder wanted to punch him, " **Again,** _what the fuck?!"_

"God, your face was priceless!" Linus paused to breath, "You looked at me like I grew a second head. Do you think I'd really care?" Schroeder frowned, Linus was actually the only one of his friends he was worried about telling, besides Lucy. He let out a breath, he hadn't known he was holding. _That was cruel!_

"Actually. I thought you were serious. You know I don't cuss often," Schroeder hissed in exasperation. Linus started to laugh again. Schroeder punched his arm, probably a little harder than required. " **Asshole!"** Linus sobered up and then looked straight into Schroeder's soul. Schroeder paused, that was Linus' lecture face.

"It was surprising to have my _stone hearted sister_ come _crying_ to me," Schroeder cringed, "But honestly it makes a lot of sense now that I've really thought about it. I'm glad you can start to find romance," Linus grabbed on to Schroeder's shoulders, "but, _seriously_! **The quarterback!** He's like _three years_ older than you!" Schroeder felt small being scrutinized, but he really liked Alex. Schroeder knew this argument wasn't over, but he was going to drop that.

"Yeah, so? I really like him," Schroeder crossed his arms.

"I hope he doesn't take advantage of that, but hey only time will tell, right?" Linus shrugged, Schroeder felt odd hearing that Linus believed Alex might try to take advantage of him. It also _**terrified**_ him. He didn't need that fear, so he needed to stay away from that idea.

"Have you even been in a relationship?" Schroeder said his tone dripping in sarcasm.

"Yeah, I dated Emmie from the track team for a while, you should know that."

"Yeah, now that you mention it," Schroeder paused, "wasn't that like, in _seventh grade_?"

"She was nuts, I really just want to wait for the right girl."

"I don't blame you," Schroeder said pushing Linus. They arrived at the track and Linus ran a little bit ahead.

"Charlie Brown! _Come here_!" Linus shouted to their friend in the bleachers. Charlie Brown got up and quickly met up with them.

"Hey Linus," Charlie Brown said and then looked surprised, "Hey Schroeder. Whatcha doing here?" Charlie Brown asked, and Schroeder blushed. Damn, he really didn't need this right now. Why couldn't he think of Alex and not blush?

"I'm here to watch football practice," Schroeder said avoiding eye contact, football was not something he would normally spend any time with, except for in pep band. Charlie would catch that little detail.

"Hey, guys, I need to head over to the team, on the other side of the track y'all can hang out here. Schroeder the football team will be out in about five minutes," Linus explained giving Schroeder a devilish smirk. He glared back and suddenly remembered he never made it to the band room because of his 'spat' with Linus.

"I need to go to the band room for a minute, I forgot my trombone, so I'll be right, Kay?" Schroeder said as he waved. He turned around and headed back to the band room. When he got there and noticed Mr. Haylen at the whiteboard drawing out a drill chart. Huh, must be setting drill at marching band practice tomorrow.

"Hey, Mr. Haylen. Drill looks nice," Schroeder said as he was heading towards the brass room.

"Hey Schroeder," Mr. Haylen said and jumped and turned around, ** _"Oh!"_** He ran up to Schroeder, who was currently a deer in the headlights. "Why was Alex in here this morning? He wasn't bothering you or anything, right?" Schroeder laughed, Mr. Haylen and Schroeder were pretty close, his worry was expected.

"No, absolutely not. He's actually a pretty good friend of mine. He just wanted to hear if I was good as people say I am," Schroeder said only half lying.

"That's good I was surprised, to say the least, when I saw him sitting with you. But it's whatever. I'm glad I don't have to worry," Mr. Haylen smiled as he returned to the board. Schroeder quickly gathered up his trombone and music and headed back out to the track. Nothing could have prepared him for what was waiting for him.


	11. I'll Take Care of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

As Schroeder approached the track, he noticed something was _terribly_ off. Linus was nowhere to be seen, and Charlie Brown was standing in the middle of the track staring at his hands. As Schroeder got closer, he noticed that Charlie Brown was _crying_ and had blood everywhere. Schroeder panicked his anxiety spiking. _What the **hell** happened while he was in the band room?_

"Charlie Brown, _are you okay_?" Schroeder basically threw everything he was holding onto the ground as he ran to Charlie Brown. " _Oh, my Beethoven!_ What happened you have blood everywhere! Let's get you cleaned up," Schroeder started to guide Charlie Brown towards the water faucet as he wiped at the blood on Charlie Brown's face. Schroeder noted there were no cuts beneath the blood. Confused he asked, "Where exactly is your injury?" Charlie Brown lifted his hands up revealing scrapes on his palms and several white scars up and down his wrists. Schroeder was shocked to see _so many_ self-inflicted injuries. Was _this_ why he had always worn that hoodie, no matter how hot it was? Was _that_ why he always wore those _stupid wrist braces_ when he pitched a game of baseball? _Was this how he dealt with his problems?_ Charlie Brown's face turned red it what looked like guilt. "Nasty fall?" Was all Schroeder could think to say, he would **never** shame Charlie for such an act.

"Yeah, I was walking with Linus, and I tripped and scraped my hands on the track," Charlie Brown replied quietly. Schroeder looked around for any trace of Linus, but he was nowhere to be seen. Why would Linus just leave Charlie Brown _bleeding_ and _crying_? _**What the hell was wrong with him?**_ Schroeder felt his brows knit in confusion. He still couldn't find Linus. Around that time they had arrived at the water faucet and Schroeder shook his head and turned it on. He squatted down and encouraged Charlie Brown to do the same. He obeyed.

"Put your hands under the spray," Schroeder took Charlie Brown's hands and gently cleaned off the blood and pulled out a _rock_. After Schroeder had turned the faucet off, Charlie Brown told him he had a first aid kit. Schroeder took it and gently cleaned and treated the wounds and got the bleeding to stop. When he was done with his scrapes, he decided to clean up the newest cuts on Charlie Brown's wrists. They were starting to look inflamed. "Good as new," Schroeder smiled then gave Charlie Brown a once over, then noticed the _blood splatter on his hoodie_ and frowned, "except for your hoodie I can't get that blood out of that." Schroeder had always had a wicked sense of humor. Charlie Brown let out a broken laugh that made Schroeder feel terrible. He needed to find a way to distract Charlie. Looking out towards the football field and seen the team was stretching and decided football would work, plus he needed to keep his promise to Alex.

"Let's go sit down practice has started," Charlie nodded and headed towards the bleachers. Schroeder began to follow him but remembered that he had forgotten his stuff. Walking the other direction he went to gather his abandoned belongings. First, he checked to see if he had broken anything namely his trombone. Everything was intact, and he started to make his way towards the bleachers. Charlie Brown was staring intently at his math homework. Schroeder chuckled to himself if Charlie stared any harder he was going to light his paper on fire. Then Charlie let out a frustrated noise and pulled at his hair.

"You're thinking too hard, the answer is 42," Schroeder said as he sat down. Charlie Brown looked up confused, and Schroeder could actually see the gears turning in his head until the realization hit him. Schroeder shook his head to himself and turned his head towards the scrimmage going on on the field. Alex has just hiked the ball and threw it to another player. The play made _no sense_ to Schroeder, who decided he needed to do a little research on football.

"Schroeder?" Charlie Brown said, and Schroeder tore his eyes off of Alex and looked over to his friend.

"Hmm?" Schroeder said urging Charlie Brown to speak. Schroeder wasn't the pushy kind, but maybe Charlie was going to give some sort of explanation.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" Okay, that wasn't was Schroeder was expecting, and it made no sense.

"Huh?" Schroeder was confused and then after a few moments of thinking, he was hit with realization, Charlie was talking about his self-harming, " _No..._ Why would I be?" Charlie Brown looked down. Schroeder was waiting, he hoped Charlie knew he could talk to him about _anything_.

"Linus was." It was barely a whisper, but it spoke volumes to Schroeder. Linus had seen the scars and ran off, probably saying something negative in the process.

"Oh, so that's why you were alone. No, I can't be mad at you," Schroeder said with sincerity, "You've never found a constructive stress outlet. Honestly, it was more of a confirmation of something I felt like I already knew. Sure, it's worse than I thought it was. But, I can't say I blame you," Schroeder shrugged, "If I didn't have music I might be a lot worse off," Schroeder's mind fogged up with painful memories and him bashing his emotions out on his piano. He quickly shoved those memories away and went back to Charlie, who had tears flowing down his cheeks,"I just hope one day you no longer feel the need to cut anymore."

"Thank you, Schroeder," Charlie Brown whispered. Schroeder smiled, he was glad Charlie Brown could start to sort out his problems now that they were in the open. Schroeder knew from personal experience, that once people knew things got better.

"You're welcome," Schroeder replied and went back to watching football practice.

Alex was sweaty as he walked to the spot behind the guy holding the football and another play took place, that also went over Schroeder's head. After the play, Alex looked out towards the stands and Schroeder gave him a small wave. Alex returned it enthusiastically, _almost_ to the extent of making a scene. Then Alex pointed Schroeder out to another football player, who also waved to Schroeder. Returning the wave, Schroeder noted that he must be one of Alex's friends. Schroeder was hit by a sudden wave of guilt, the only people who knew he was gay were Lucy and Linus, and neither of them knew he was _dating_ the quarterback. He felt he should tell Charlie, who had just revealed his own deepest secret to him. He turned to look at boy working on his math homework.

"Can I tell you something?" Schroeder finally said, jarring Charlie from his concentration. His eyes were wide and he looked scared of what Schroeder was going to say.

"Sure." Charlie Brown said while he looked extremely pale. Schroeder took a big breath and let it out. He could do this, _he told Lucy_ , for Pete's sake. In all honesty, he'd always had trouble telling people his secrets.

"Well, recently I have discovered that I'm, _ya know_ , gay." There it was out in the open, but oddly Schroeder felt a weight lift from his shoulders. Though his stomach rolled in protest.

"Well then... that's great," Charlie Brown looked stunned and rightly so, "How did Lucy take _that_?" Schroeder sighed, of course _that_ was his first question.

"Better than was expected. We talked it out yesterday. She's hurt, obviously, but she understands and feels better about herself because of it. I'm happy we're still friends. She's just not _'my type'_ ," Schroeder added what he hoped was the right amount of humor.

"Wow, so that's why she had the new arm candy at lunch today." Schroeder had noticed the new guy she had with at lunch today. How couldn't he? She was _very obnoxious_ about it.

"She moves fast, but I guess I did too," Schroeder felt a blush darkening on his face and started to fidget with his beanie before he continued, "I-I have a boyfriend now," Schroeder looked out to the field and found Alex and pointed him out to Charlie Brown. "He asked me out this morning. I've never been in a relationship before, and I like the feeling." A smile had overtaken Schroeder's face. Honesty was the best policy. Nope, Schroeder didn't believe that phrase at all.

"Your dating a _football player?"_ Charlie Brown chuckled. Well, duh and with that, Schroeder laughed wholeheartedly. _Why was that always the first thing everyone said? **Schroeder played sports too!** _ In all honesty, he could be considered a jock, but the nerd canceled that effect.

"Yup, and I really like him. He's nice to me and not _insane_ , which is a _biggy_ ," A devilish grin crept on his face, and Charlie laughed at him.

"I'm happy for you." Nothing Charlie Brown could have said could have been better, Schroeder felt great about everything as he watched the remainder of football practice. He finally saw Linus running around the track in a dead sprint towards the end of practice. He was upset and was running it off, he'd seen him do the same thing quite often on their street. Charlie said goodbye probably fifteen minutes before practice would end. Schroeder left him with a hug and a _feel better_.

When practiced ended, and Alex was in the locker room, Schroeder went to wait by Alex's car as he had been instructed to do. The car was a beautiful, brand new, charcoal black Ford Focus. It was still hilarious to think that Alex drove a _midsize sedan,_ even though it was a _bad ass sedan_.

"Hey," said an unfamiliar voice. Schroeder turned around to see the guy that Alex had pointed him out to. The number on his shirt was 57.

"Hello," Schroeder replied and waved for effect, unsure of the situation.

"You must be Schroeder, _right?"_ Number 57 said as he leaned against Alex's car. He must know about him and Alex. Schroeder made a mental note to have the _**'I'm totally still in the closet and need to stay there'** _ conversation with Alex.

"Yeah, that's me," Schroeder was unsure of the situation but decided just to go with it.

"How's Alex been treating you?" With that question, Schroeder felt his feathers ruffle a little. They had been dating not even **twelve hours.** _What kind of the question was that?_

_"Umm,_ not to be rude or anything, but _**who are you?"** _ Schroeder snipped out, not okay with being asked personal questions by a complete stranger.

" _Oh_ , excuse me," 57 said politely, "I'm Blake Belle, _Alex's best friend,"_ he revealed. His tone sounded like he was bragging.

"Okay, I didn't know. Alex's been treating me fine. _Great_ _actually_ ," Schroeder declared, but then Blake's smile turned sad. _**What was this guy's problem?**_

"I adore Alex as a friend, but you look like a great kid, I've even seen you play in pep band. So I'm going to tell you straight," Blake looked dead serious, and it unsettled Schroeder. Blake continued after he took a breath, "You need to get the heck outta dodge. Alex is a great person but he's majorly bipolar or something, and he's going to end up hurting you bad physically and mentally."


	12. How a Broken Heart Feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Lucy didn't know quite how to feel about life. Getting ready that morning seemed _different_ , she wasn't dressing to impress Schroeder and she felt like crap. _So how was she going to dress?_ Deciding that she didn't need to dress to impress anyone _anymore_ , she settled. For the first time in a long time, Lucy put on a pair of faded blue jeans and a long-sleeved blue shirt. **God** , she didn't even know she owned that kind of clothing anymore. She liked the comfortable clothing, and it was a nice change of pace. When she looked in the mirror, though, she decided that she couldn't bring herself to leave the house without any makeup. When she finished, she headed downstairs and into the kitchen, where Linus was making his morning cup of coffee.

"Morning Lucy," Linus muttered as he continued to fiddle with his Keurig coffee maker. Lucy _couldn't stand_ Linus' compulsive habits. Whenever he decided liked something, it became his new "security blanket." As of right now that was his coffee, his planner, and his running ability, but they were all better than that _ **stupid blanket.**_ She walked into the kitchen and headed toward the fridge. When Linus turned around his eyes widened, " **Woah.** You look... _different_." Lucy rolled her eyes as she pulled out the milk and slammed the door behind her.

"Bad or good different?" She asked as she reached into the cabinet that contained her favorite cereal. She continued to prep it as Linus kept looking her, his eyes wide.

"Neither, just _different_ ," Linus finally said and gave a halfhearted shrug. Lucy wasn't satisfied with that answer, but whatever. She walked past him to the table and sat down. She then shoved a spoonful of Snicker Snacks into her mouth. " _Hey, Lucy?"_ Linus murmured from within the kitchen.

"What Linus?" Lucy muttered. Her mouth was full, but she didn't care. It was too early for manners.

"Are you going to be okay at school today? If not, I'll help you fabricate a story about you being sick," Linus said with a lopsided grin. Lucy swallowed and blinked her eyes slowly, considering her options. She could stay home without the lie anyway. Not like her parents cared. She shook her head in the negative. There was no need for _weakness_.

"I'll be **fine,"** Lucy gave Linus a small smile, " _Goodness_ , I can't go around acting like my heart just got _broken_ can I?" Lucy knew better. The worst thing to do with emotions was not to deal with them. Even though she believed dealing with them and keeping them hidden were different categories altogether.

"Always the tough one," Linus sighed, "if you're hurting, it's okay to take some time to heal." He was rubbing at his left temple. Lucy wasn't sure if was from another headache or from annoyance.

"Oh, Linus. _I'll be fine,"_ Lucy sighed, "I'll heal. I-I know that Schroeder is going to be happy and that he cares about me... _Do you think he cares about me?_ " Linus opened his mouth to answer, but Lucy raised her hand stopping him. She **knew** that look. He was going to open his mouth and say something that wasn't going to help at all. "Never mind. _Everything. Will. Be. Fine."_ She smiled and then shoved more cereal into her mouth to avoid talking anymore. Linus put down his mug and walked over and wrapped her in a hug. Lucy stiffened physical content was not common among the Van Pelts.

"You always say that you don't give a _rat's ass_ about anything, but you've always had a big heart," Linus let her go and playfully stole a bite of her cereal and chuckled. Lucy just stared at her little brother, he's grown so much over the last several years. He was going to be a wonderful man one day. Telling the truth it seemed that day was going to come _sooner_ rather than _later_. He didn't even look like her little brother anymore, he was easily four inches taller than her now. Often times, she'd feel that he was more mature than her, though she'd _never_ admit that out loud.

"Linus."

" _Yesh?"_ Linus asked with a pretend lisp.

"Drink your stupid coffee."

" _Yesh, Cap'n_ ," he gave a ridiculous salute and went on about his morning routine. Lucy sighed, she was glad they had grown closer over the years.

As Lucy finished her cereal, she thought back to the first time Linus had stood up to her. It was the beginning of her eighth-grade year. Linus had been running for a while, and already hit his first major growth spurt. After school one day, Lucy decided she wanted to use the computer and noticed that Linus was the current occupant. She remembered deciding that she was going to use the good ol' scare tactic. It had never failed her before.

_**"Linus Van Pelt get off that computer right now!"**_ She hollered and stomped her foot, Linus slowly looked up and swallowed.

"No," Linus said in a tiny voice. She couldn't believe her ears.

_"No?"_ She drew out in disbelief, and she balled her fists up at her side.

_**"No!"**_ Linus yelled. In anger, she remembered taking a step towards him. He couldn't defy her. It was impossible It took years for them to form their current _understanding_.

"If you don't let me have that computer **I'll slug you!"** Lucy threatened, then Linus stood up quickly, throwing the chair backward. There was a fire in his eyes that Lucy had never seen before.

**_"Jesus Christ Lucy!"_** Linus screamed, _**"Just let me use the computer!"**_ Lucy's jaw dropped, Linus wasn't confrontational, but he was _definitely_ standing his ground. This had never happened before, and Lucy _wouldn't_ allow it. She raised her fist up to teach him a lesson, but then the fire in Linus' eyes _exploded_.

" _ **Linus!**_ _Get off of..."_ Lucy's sentence was cut off by Linus **kicking** her right in her chest. She stumbled backward with the force, and a searing pain exploded at the point of contact. The intense pain caused her eyes to water. She placed her hand on her chest and rocked in pain.

" _Oh my god_ ," Linus muttered, Lucy looked up to see Linus in about as much shock as she was. The fire in his eyes completely extinguished. He then looked at the computer, back to her and then bolted in the opposite direction. Lucy was left alone clutching her chest and processing _what the hell_ had just happened.

"Lucy, it doesn't take ten minutes to eat one bite of cereal. Hurry up we need to catch the bus," Linus said jarring her out of memory lane. She blushed a little from embarrassment. She shoveled the last couple bites of cereal then stood up.

"Okay," Lucy answered. She went and got Rerun and the Van Pelt kids gathered their stuff and headed outside.

Waiting at the corner, Lucy was antsy. How was she going to react to Schroeder's new state of being in action? She had no idea. She would have to keep festering. Then in the middle of her mental tumble, Charlie and Sally Brown arrived at the bus stop. Lucy was overwhelmed with the urge to hug him. When she did, he _flinched_. _Jeesh_ did he hit him that much? Yes, the answer was yes.

"Charlie Brown!" She exclaimed happily, "how are you this lovely morning?" Charlie Brown seemed stunned for a moment. He even avoided eye contact with her to a moment.

"I'm pretty good, actually," Charlie replied quietly, after a couple of moments he removed himself from her arms. "How are you feeling? _You're not sick are you?"_ Lucy still overwhelmed by happiness released a giddy laugh. Charlie was hilarious.

"Nope, I'm just _SO_ happy. I'm going to have the **_greatest_** day today!" She announced, and Charlie Brown smiled and casually walked over to Linus. Well then. She felt a tug on her sleeve a few moments later. She turned around to see the littlest Van Pelt.

"Hey, Lucy. _I'm worried about you_ ," Rerun said. Huh? Why would he be worried?

"Why's that?" Lucy said affectionately, bending down to be closer to his eye level.

"You came home _crying_ yesterday, and now you're dressed weird this morning, it can be a little concerning to see such drastic changes in such a short amount of time," Rerun stated awkwardly. Intelligence definitely ran in the Van Pelt blood. Though she figured Rerun was the most observant of the three.

"You know what crossroads are? Like the poem about the yellow wood, right?" Rerun nodded, "I've reached a crossroads in my life, and it's sending me on quite the adventure right now. I'll be alright in a little bit, it'll just take some time. So don't worry, _okay?"_ Rerun looked like was going to say something, but then the bus arrived. Lucy was happy to avoid the rest of that.

The group of kids walked on to the bus, and Lucy chose to sit towards the back. She pulled out her phone and decided to go through her photos. There were tons of them, and she came across one of her favorites. It was taken at Schroeder's house about a year ago. Linus, Schroeder, and Charlie were all crammed onto the piano bench. Schroeder was in the middle being squished by Linus on the right and Charlie Brown on the left. They were all making hilarious faces, Linus and Charlie's were looks of triumph and Schroeder had a small smile that screamed: **_"Help me."_**

Lucy smiled to herself and looked up to see all three of her closest guy friends, all having their own lives. Linus and Charlie Brown were locked in conversation despite the earphones they were sharing. When she looked at Schroeder, she saw Alex get on the bus, and her heart started screaming at her. Alex happily plopped down jostling the slightly smaller blonde, who in turn blushed. Jealously burned in her soul.

Lucy had a feeling that Schroeder wasn't bisexual, but even if he **was** _no one_ could compete with _**Alex Montgomery.**_ He was the definition of _gorgeous._ He had light brown hair, amber eyes, and a dusting of freckles. He also had an athletic build at 6' 2" that included a six pack and defined arms and legs. She knew he was gay because her friends often complained about it. His love life was a popular gossip topic. **Boy** , were they going to have a _field day_ , Schroeder's adorableness was on par with Alex's gorgeousness. Not to mention Schroeder wasn't public yet. Schroeder was going to drug up into the gossip tree.

She watched them curiously until she witnessed Alex wrapping his arm around Schroeder and at that moment she couldn't watch anymore. She went back to her phone and seen then picture that she had left on the screen, and her eyes welled up with tears. _Why did things have to change so much?_


	13. Hectic Hallways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

When the bus arrived, Lucy quickly retreated into the school, only looking back once. She instantly regretted _that_ decision. Her eyes found Schroeder, who was clutching onto his satchel for dear life, blushing, and quietly talking to Alex. **_Oh_** , how had she ever deluded herself into thinking that she could just _get over him?_ Her poor heart, it was going to take her a long time to be able to see Schroeder's adoration focused on someone else without wanting to break into sobs. _Why had he done this to her?_ _ **He could have told her years ago!**_

During her quick retreat, Lucy was too busy looking down to notice anything going on around her. Point A to point B was her only concern. She wasn't watching out for people, and her negligence caused her to run into someone. She ran into said person with a considerable amount of force.

" _Oof!"_ Lucy almost reached out to help them, but she looked up to see Matthew. He was staring at his shirt in complete shock and some disgust. **_Oh, no_** **,** **of all the people to run into.**

"Oh, _I'm sorry_. I wasn't looking where I was going," Lucy felt terrible as she watched Matthew compulsively brushing the front of his shirt off. She scolding herself silently.

"It's okay Lucy," Matthew muttered. Once he felt like he had brushed his shirt off to his satisfaction, he pulled off both of his white gloves. He used the hand sanitizer he had hooked to his belt loop. Then he awkwardly dug through his book bag and pulled out a new pair of white gloves. He slipped them on and then he was comfortable enough to look at Lucy. Lucy felt awful for causing him to go through that routine. Matthew raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Hey, you look upset, more upset than you should be about touching me. What's up?"

"Oh, _um_. I just had a rough start to the day. I am _really_ sorry about running into you," Lucy smiled awkwardly at the boy who used to be known as Pig-Pen.

"Oh. Okay. That's still unusual for you, but whatever, I won't pry," Matthew smiled a brilliant, white smile.

"Thank you," Lucy said. She needed him to think she was okay. She had to fool everyone into believing that. So she just had to tease him, "Those gloves _really_ are a _fashion disaster_ , you know that, _right_?" Matthew rolled his eyes. He probably heard that line with some variation at least once every day. Lucy regretted it a little.

" _So you've told me_ , but I can't do anything without them. I can't bear to go around bare handed touching all the filth in the world. Wouldn't want to get _**dirty**_ ," Matthew sneered while he shrugged. Lucy muttered a noncommittal response and leaned up against the locker and watched him. Her mind wondered back to the day where this all started.

It was in seventh grade, Pig-Pen was still Pig-Pen, and everything was still pretty close to the way it used to be. When everything still made some sense.

One day in science class that all changed for Pig-Pen. They were presenting a family history project for the genetics unit. It was easy enough, find the full names, marriages, children, and how everything tied together until you were four generations back. Lucy remembered she had no trouble with it. She presented her information and poster. Everything went well for hers. Then Pig-Pen went next. His poster was so well done and decorated, it looked like he put his soul into this assignment. He lifted the poster up and smiled like he had just won an Olympic gold metal. Then he began his presentation.

"My name is **_Matthew_** ," Pig-Pen declared, and a couple people chuckled, but he ignored them, his smile never faltering, "and after a long time researching I found out that _I have an_ _ **actual**_ _ **name**_ _and so do my_ _ **brothers!**_ **"** He was glowing. No one could believe any of what he was saying as he finished the rest of his presentation. When he finished, he asked that everyone start to call him Matthew. Everyone was kind of shell-shocked by the whole thing.

Later that day Matthew/Pig-Pen went to talk to his friend Patty, who was unfortunately _with Violet_.

"Hey Patty, hey Violet," he smiled. Patty opened her mouth to speak, but of course Violet beat her to it.

"Hey Pig-Pen," Violet sneered.

"Please call me _Matthew_ ," Matthew corrected quickly.

" _ **Oh, please!**_ _I_ _won't call you Matthew until you're no longer a_ _ **walking sandbox**_ _,"_ Both Patty and Matthew seemed shocked. Matthew was more than just mortified. He looked like he wanted to cry.

_**"I can't help it**_!" He cried out looking unsure.

"Sure, _whatever_. Showers help you know," and with that Violet left and Patty shamefully followed her, leaving Matthew alone. He down looked at himself and ran out of the room.

The next day Pig-Pen came to school squeaky clean. He marched right up to Violet at breakfast and confronted her.

"Call me _Matthew_ ," Matthew declared. She looked him up and down and then " _tripped_ " and threw her biscuits and gravy all over him.

_"I'm sorry_ _ **Pig-Pen!**_ _I lost my balance!"_ Violet sneered. Matthew gasped, and his face turned red from both anger and embarrassment. That was the start of something terrible. He looked at himself in terror and ran from the cafeteria. He had tears running down his face when he ran past Lucy. He angrily wiped at them as he turned out of view.

The next time Lucy saw him, he had on new, clean clothes. In science, he got dirt on himself and flipped out. He ran over and washed his hands until they were clean and with his dirt magnet ability that took a couple minutes. He did it again a little while later and. Then again and _again_ and **_again_**.

Over the next year, he turned into a Mysophobic, a person with an extreme fear of dirt, contamination, and filth in general. To counteract the anxiety he developed for public spaces, he changed his dress and behavior. He started with long sleeved shirts that weren't white, to wearing long pants, to wearing gloves all the time. His bottles of hand sanitizer became like Linus' old security blanket. Not to mention his reclusive behavior.

Lucy looked at the 15-year-old Matthew, to anyone who just met him, they would _never_ guess in a million years that this guy used to constantly filthy. He looked so prim and almost snotty in his appearance. He basically wore a suit without the tie or jacket. Lucy smiled Matthew still had one messy habit. He never seemed to brush his unruly, medium, brown hair. Another thing that made him seem messy was the sheer amount of freckles he had all over his face and his chin beard. He looked good except for the white gloves, they were just _so_ out of place.

"Lucy, you do know staring is rude _right_?" Matthew said as he shut his locker. Lucy blushed as she averted her eyes. She was really scatter brained.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about when we were kids. Back when everything made sense," Lucy muttered. Matthew raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" He asked in a tone that clearly said he was offended. Lucy sighed. Foot meet mouth.

"It has nothing to do with you, Matt. I think the world is going crazy. I mean look at everyone. No one's even close to who they used to be," Lucy explained waving her arms around. The tight feeling of pain entered her chest again, "It's _disturbing_."

"That's part of growing up, and it's not _disturbing_ ," Matthew droned annoyed as he started toward class and beckoned Lucy to follow him, she did. "But you can't be too hard on everyone, you've changed a lot too." Lucy faltered in her steps. She didn't know what to say, which was something that would never have happened when she was younger. When she was steadfast and unbreakable. She was changing and didn't want to admit it. Was it maybe for the better? Maybe it was for the worse?

"Lucy?" Matthew said to the blank look on her face. He snapped his fingers.

"Oh. Umm, I don't want to grow up," Lucy replied stupidity.

"No one really does," said an unfamiliar voice. Startled, Lucy quickly turned around to see a black haired boy. Lucy just stared at him for a couple moments. Who was this stranger? _He was gorgeous._

"Hey, Jackson," Matthew said to break the silence. Well, that answered that question.

"Hey, Matt. Who's this troubled young lady," Jackson said aiming a wink in Lucy's direction. She blushed out of embarrassment and shock.

"That's...," Matthew started to say, but Lucy seen and opportunity and jumped on it. She quickly stepped in front of Matthew.

"I'm Lucy. Lucy Van Pelt," she stuck her hand out in front of her and smiled widely, "Nice to meet you." Jackson smiled back and took her hand lightly and then gave her a firm handshake. Not to mention the subtle once-over he gave her.

"I'm Jackson Anderson," he winked again as he released her hand, " _Nice to meet you_ too." Lucy was entranced briefly by his dark blue eyes, **_wow_** , Jackson was super handsome. Matthew cleared his throat, effectively pulling her out of her trance.

"Well guys, I'm going to head off to class. Have a _nice_ chat," Matthew said picking up his bag and quickly walked off, hands in his pockets. He looked embarrassed. Lucy wasn't too worried about Matthew though, she just found the perfect blue-eyed distraction.

"Hey Lucy, want to eat breakfast with me?"

"Most defiantly, Wanna head that way?" Lucy cheekily replied. Jackson smiled back and gestured her to follow him. She did, of course.

Lucy wished she could say that their walk to the cafeteria was uneventful, but that would be lying. Half way there she saw Schroeder, who was walking so close to Alex they were almost touching. She felt the searing pain return to her chest. She looked away defiantly and took a step closer to Jackson. **_Two could play at this game._**


	14. Confessions of a Teen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Linus started blankly at the medical journals on his computer screen. He couldn't bring himself to focus on the task at hand. It had been a week since the incident with Charlie Brown, and it was high time Linus figured out what he was going to do to rekindle their friendship. He needed to help Charlie start to heal. Annoyingly, the words on the screen kept running together as an annoying headache began to form beneath his temples. He couldn't focus, and vision was starting to blur. Linus let out a frustrated sigh and got up and stormed to the kitchen.

He rubbed on his right temple as he opened a top cabinet to grab a French Roast K-cup. He stared at the stupid package in disdain, acknowledging that he was addicted to coffee. He also knew that it didn't matter, coffee is definitely better than his stupid blanket or harder things. Annoyed, he walked over his red Keurig machine and shoved the K-cup into its designated location. Linus pressed start, and the hissing made him grind his teeth. He sighed unlocking his jaw and rubbed his temples again. When had he become so _bitter_? The nagging unease was going to _kill_ him. He needed some serious chill in his life.

Linus leaned against the kitchen counter and closed his eyes and began to wait impatiently for his coffee.

"Hey, Linus. It smells _great_ in here." Linus forced his eyes open and glared in the direction of Jackson, who had dared to speak to him.

"It's _my_ coffee," Linus replied curtly as closed his eyes again. Hoping Jackson would take the hint and leave him alone.

"Well, it still smells good," Jackson backtracked. Jackson had been dating Lucy for a week, _literally the day after Schroeder_ came out. He was dense, to say the least, everyone knows about Lucy's undying love for Schroeder. Why would Jackson not even question her sudden change of heart? Then again over the last week, _no one_ had figured out that Schroeder was dating Alex or _homo_ for that matter. Linus, on the other hand, noticed the way Lucy would cling to Jackson whenever she would see Schroeder. Everyone was just mixed up in their own form of oblivious. "So, Linus was is the dirty look for?" Linus knew Jackson was trying to be his friend, but Linus just wasn't feeling it. The guy seemed fake, like those annoying guys off of Disney original movies.

"I have a _**migraine**_ ," Linus replied curtly. Jackson shrugged and opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.

"I hope you feel better. Excedrin really helps with migraines, if you have any," Jackson continued to make conversation, but when Linus didn't reply Jackson just kept blabbing. "I'm going to take Lucy to the movies tonight, which one do you think she'd like?" Linus sighed he had to reply to the question. He wanted to say a great way to get rid of his headache was for Jackson to shut up.

"She likes sappy things even though she will _never_ admit it, but an action movie would be your best bet," Linus drew out, trying not to sound annoyed.

"Thanks, that will make my life easier," Jackson said and finally went to leave the kitchen. He paused and briefly said, "Really, Linus feel better, _okay?"_ Then he was gone. Linus stood quietly for a moment until his coffee maker signaled its completion. He stood up and rolled his eyes in the direction Jackson just left. Linus was waiting for Lucy to start fucking his mind up. It wasn't going to take long, Linus thought as he added the fixings to his coffee which included two ice cubes. Linus squinted at the melting liquid, and his head pounded. Maybe he would take an Excedrin.

On Linus' way to the kid's bathroom, he was annoyed to find the door shut. He decided to wait patiently because loud thumps were not what his head needed. That's what he got, unfortunately, as Lucy slammed the door open and emerged all dolled up. His brain thumped against his skull, and he quickly slipped past her. Lucy started to say something, but Linus promptly shut the door in her face. He sighed in relief as he looked in the medicine cabinet and found the bottle of Excedrin Migraine. He grabbed the recommended dosage and headed to the kitchen where he left his coffee. Lucy was nowhere to be seen. He grabbed his mug and chugged the whole thing along with his medicine. He instantly started to feel better as the caffeine entered his system. Maybe after his headache went away, he could finally go over to Charlie Brown's.

" **Hey, Linus**! _I'm leaving with Jackson be back later tonight!_ **Bye!"** Lucy hollered, then he heard her giggle and the door open and shut. The house instantly became eerily quiet. Linus decided better now than later since he was home alone and he didn't like being alone. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, no more brooding. His head wasn't hurting _that bad_ anymore.

Putting on his shoes, he headed out the door and started towards Charlie's house. He jogged there, not even breaking a sweat, but he instantly regretted the increased speed as he turned into the Brown's residency. Walking up the sidewalk, _he had walked up to for so many years,_ suddenly felt different, a **_bad_** different. He dreaded knocking on the door knowing that Charlie Brown would most likely be the one to answer. Well, he didn't have to knock. The door opened with Charlie just inside the threshold

" ** _Linus?"_** Charlie Brown's eyes widened, looking so hopeful and so scared. Linus inwardly cringed, but nonetheless, he seemed happy to see his oldest and best friend.

"Hey, Charlie Brown," Linus took a deep breath, "How are you?"

" **I'm okay** ," Charlie Brown motioned for Linus to come in, which Linus did. " _You?"_

"Glad to be out of the house. I've been in there for _too_ long," Linus sighed, _**God**_ , he sounded like the embodiment of teenage angst. Charlie Brown shut the door and smiled weakly.

"I'd prefer to stay inside all the time if I could, but you already know that," The conversation was strained, but Linus expected nothing less. He was about to break into the conversation that he came over here for, but Charlie Brown beat it to him to it.

_"Why did you leave me all alone?"_ Linus sucked in a breath shocked by the bluntness of what his friend had just uttered. He didn't know what to say he just stood there with his mouth open. The simple _**'I'm sorry'**_ he had originally planned on wasn't going to suffice anymore. Not with _that bombshell_ of a conversation starter. When he didn't respond, Charlie Brown looked pissed. " _ **Linus**_ ," Charlie Brown roughly grabbed onto Linus' shoulders, "That hurt me _so much_ , I already have enough trouble with the motivation to stay alive and then you ran away." Charlie Brown swallowed, holding back tears and the continued, " _I felt so worthless and_ … and… **Oh** , _I don't_ **_KNOW_**!" Linus cringed as Charlie shook him, hard. " _ **A WEEK! A**_ _ **MOTHER FUCKING WEEK**_ _ **LINUS! I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF!"**_ Charlie Brown screamed and started to cry, and the terrible look on his face made Linus tear up too. He pulled him into a hug and they sunk to the floor. Linus refused to run this time.

" _I'm sorry_ ," Shit, that was all Linus could think to say, this isn't going to cover his douche bag bill. Then it hit him, "Charlie Brown. _I am a douche bag_." Charlie Brown was stunned, he even stopped crying except for a hiccup. He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, _you are_." Charlie wiped his nose onto his hoodie and lightly punched Linus with the same arm.

"Eww."

"You deserve it."

"Yeah I do," Linus smiled and there was a silence as the two just sat on the floor together, until Charlie Brown spoke again.

" _Wanna know why I did it the first time?"_ Linus swallowed thickly and just nodded as they pulled out of the now awkward semi-hug. "it was the night of the day that Snoopy died." Charlie Brown paused as he seemed to relive the memory, he shuddered then continued, "Not to mention that was the day I _finally_ told Heather that I had a crush on her, but she told me she was moving away and that she couldn't return my feelings. Then on my way home from school I watched Snoopy **get hit by that car**." The tears returned as they slowly trickled down Charlie's face. " _It was the worse thing I'd ever seen_. He was running to see me and… and… then _he was h-hit by-y a CAR_. A _mother f-fucking_ car, Linus. It wasn't even an... an instant death." He was whispering and trying to get the words out between the hiccups and sobs.

"Hey… _Hey now_. It's okay," Linus tried to calm him down, but he had to do that with his own thick throat. God, this had to be the worst way this story could have played out. Linus had a feeling that Snoopy's death was the catalyst, but he had no idea about Heather. On the same day, _damn_. Running away was even more of a _dick_ move now. Charlie Brown took a couple deep calming breaths and then continued.

"I remember going to my room after I finished burying him, I had mud on my hands, and they were blistered from using the shovel. The pain was dull, and my heart was barely beating, and I couldn't breathe. That was the moment I remembered the razor blade my dad gave me." Charlie Brown laughed bitterly, "My father has always bragged about how his razors were _the best in the business_. He was so happy to give it to me, _**'One day you'll grow a nice beard, and I'll teach you how to shave it properly!'**_ How proud he would be if he ever found out _I use it shave my skin in half_. That's _definitely_ not proper use." The bitterness in Charlie Brown's voice was surprising.

"Have you ever tried to stop?" Linus whispered, knowing this was the last subject that he should give advice on, he was always addicted to something.

"Every time I pick up the blade, I always try to put it back down. It hasn't happened yet, unfortunately." Linus could see Charlie Brown locking and unlocking his jaw in frustration.

"Do you want to continue the story?" Linus murmured.

"Yeah. I went to the drawer I that I kept the knife in and pulled it out. It glimmered in the darkness of my room. I pondered for a while if I was just going to cut or join Snoopy in the afterlife. I decided on just cutting. I couldn't do that to my family, they'll _never_ find the cuts, _but they would have found my body_." He sighed, "You and Schroeder are the **only** people who know and hopefully the only ones who **_ever will_**." The look that Charlie Brown gave Linus was both pointed and desperate.

"It will be I promise," Linus reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Charlie Brown's shoulder, "I'm sorry I ran away when I found out. I didn't know what to do, and I just panicked. Running has always been the easier chose. I really appreciate you telling me the whole story even though I didn't deserve it. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Linus."


	15. Friends and Baseball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Charlie Brown didn't believe his eyes when he had seen Linus approaching his house, but when he opened the door, Charlie was overwhelmed with a sense of relief. He had figured that Linus was never going to talk to him again. Over the last week in school every time he had seen him, Linus would avoid eye contact or quickly remove himself from the situation. It was incredibly depressing and quickly became annoying.

Charlie Brown also never expected to be _overwhelmed_ with so many emotions as the conversation hit a complete halt when he finally asked the question he had wanted to ask _the entire week_. He tried so hard to be civil, but _fury_ clouded his judgment. _Fury_ at Linus for failing him, _fury_ at the situation that he's in and _fury_ at this terrible misunderstanding.

Charlie Brown grabbed Linus' shoulders and tried to express his pain. The blank, wide-eyed look on Linus' face combined with Charlie's poor communication skills made his rage rise to the surface. He started to shake Linus like a rag doll and Charlie let out all of that pent-up rage though screams that quickly dissolved into angry tears. The admission, the screaming, and the shaking must have gotten to Linus because his eyes were shiny with unshed tears. Linus stared blankly for a moment, trying to blink away the tears then he pulled Charlie Brown into a hug and they silently sunk to the floor. They sat like that until finally, Linus spoke.

" _I'm sorry_." Then there was a pause, Charlie, who didn't want to outright forgive him, waited. Linus looked genuinely torn up and then looked up with determination, then he bluntly stated, "Charlie Brown, _I am a douche bag."_ Charlie was shocked. Then a smile broke out on his face, if only a small one. That was an apology Charlie Brown could accept.

"Yeah, _you are_." Charlie Brown wiped his nose onto his hoodie and punched Linus with the same arm, a little harder than necessary. Linus looked at his arm in contempt and disgust.

"Eww." Linus made his famous 'yuck' face. Charlie Brown chuckled.

"You deserve it."

"Yeah I do," Linus smiled, and there was a comfortable silence as the two just sat on the floor together. Charlie Brown was overwhelmed suddenly by emotions he needed to get out. He needed to tell Linus the truth.

" _Wanna know why I did it the first time?"_ Charlie Brown whispered while looking straight into Linus' soul. Charlie Brown pulled out of the side hug.

"It was the night of the day that Snoopy died," He put his heart and soul into finally telling someone the truth. During his story, Charlie Brown felt everything from depressing sadness, to incredible anger, to searing frustration, and to genuine happiness. He talked about his dad to how he contemplated suicide. The whole story without anything missing. After he had finished, Charlie felt a weight being lifted from his shoulders.

When Linus finally put out a worthy apology, the conversation felt complete when Charlie Brown said, "You're welcome, Linus."

Then the boys just sat on the floor for another couple minutes until Charlie Brown's iPhone started ringing. Charlie Brown jumped up. Shit! He quickly stood up and clumsily pulled his phone out of his pants pocket. Linus' face flashed with something that resembled fear. Charlie Brown looked at his phone, and the picture of Schroeder smiling ear to ear in his marching band uniform was on the screen. Charlie Brown grinned and then answered the call. He silently let Linus know he'd been a minute with a hand gesture as he walked into a different room.

"Hey, Schroeder. _What's up_?" Charlie Brown smiled into the phone.

" ** _Hey!_** **Charlie Brown!** You still coming over today to watch the Cubs game?" Schroeder asked excitedly. **Oh,** in all the excitement Charlie had forgotten about his plans with Schroeder. Guilt and a mild panic set in as he glanced over to Linus, who _loathed_ watching baseball. He couldn't just ditch Linus, not after finally rebuilding burnt bridges. Plus, Schroeder was probably still pissed at Linus. He sighed thought back to the times when things were far less complicated.

"Charlie Brown? _You there?"_ Schroeder asked into the silence. Charlie Brown jumped and felt instantly guilty.

"Yeah, I was just thinking."

"'Bout what? Was it about how today's game is going to be _awesome_? Jake Arrieta's pitching!" Schroeder beamed, Jake Arrieta could pitch. Missing a broadcasted Cubs game was a hard thing to do, but Charlie has a much better idea. Though he was totally going to watch the highlights later.

"No, that wasn't it, but you know who else can pitch?" Charlie Brown pried.

"Well, Jon Lester can pitch really well, and so can Kyle Hendricks. But it's hard to be better than Arrieta. Who ya talking about?"

" **Me**. Let's go play some baseball, a game is well overdue." And it was. _When was the last time the old team played together?_ Around five years ago. **_Where did the time go?_**

"That sounds like a good idea actually. Hmm, head over to my house bring a bat and a couple balls I think I have the rest in my closet," Schroeder rambled happily, "You don't have to bring your school gear, okay?"

"Okay. See you in around twenty minutes. Bye Schroed."

"Bye, CB." Charlie Brown hung up the phone and headed back to the living room. Linus had migrated to the couch and was watching TV. Charlie Brown smiled to himself and snuck up behind his oblivious friend.

" _ **Hey, Linus guess what?"**_ Charlie Brown said and grabbed Linus' shoulders. Linus jumped straight up.

" _ **Damn it!**_ _Charlie!_ **You scared the hell outta me!"** Linus scolded, hand clutching his chest. Charlie gave him a devilish grin. "You're a _shit head_. You know that right?"

"Yup," Charlie Brown's smile softened, "I've missed you." Linus looked down quickly, his face red with shame.

"Missed you too," Linus smiled and looked up, "Now what did you want?"

"Let's go play baseball, for old times sake."

" _Baseball_?" Linus questioned, "You know how I feel about _baseball_." Linus started fidgeting.

"Hey you owe me, so we're going to go play a game. Come on," Charlie Brown beckoned Linus, and they headed toward his bedroom to get the baseball supplies.

Linus awkwardly waited at the door as Charlie Brown started to dig though his closet. He pulled out a worn, white baseball cap, that shown how well loved it was. He threw it on the bed and found a black long sleeved dry fit shirt, that was also thrown onto the bed.

"Linus, Come here." Linus complied, "hold these." Charlie Brown then handed Linus a couple baseball bats and a container of baseballs. Linus still seemed annoyed at the prospect of playing baseball, which was giving away by the look of disdain he gave the gear he was holding. "Okay. Now shoo I've got to change," Charlie Brown chuckled quietly, "I'm not like you I don't keep my athletic clothes on all the time." Honestly, he only wore them when _absolutely_ required.

"Sure thing. Don't take forever," Linus readjusted the gear and then headed out the door. Shutting the door took a minute of juggling the gear again. Charlie laughed at the spectacle, Linus was a hoot.

Charlie Brown took off his hoodie, and then his yellow shirt. He grabbed an ace bandage and wrapped his wrists. His baseball coach didn't know about the cuts, he was just as convinced as the rest of the team that he had wrist problems. Strange as it was for a pitcher, he was good so no one cared. Then after putting on his long sleeved athletic shirt, the ruse was complete. Well except for his baseball cap and a pair of shorts, which he put on. Then he headed out to the living room. Linus stood up and again readjusted the gear he had been entrusted with.

"Let me help you with that," Charlie Brown said as he grabbed the bats.

"Thanks."

"Welcome, Now let's go." Charlie Brown opened the door and headed down the street.

"Where ya going the baseball field is this way," Linus paused and pointed the opposite direction.

"Well, were go there in a minute we're going to get Schroeder." Linus frowned, and the shrugged and started to follow Charlie down the sidewalk.


	16. Not What You Expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would be the edited version IF I HAD POSTED IT! I mean come on! I missed posting an entire chapter and didn't catch it for almost a month and a half?! None of you said anything either! I was beside myself when I noticed that I had missed it. I couldn't believe it. I almost felt like I was delusional and never wrote it, but I found it and here it is! I hope some weird plot holes are fixed now.

Schroeder was excited. The last time any of the gang had played baseball together was in _fifth grade_ , but that was before Charlie had joined the middle school baseball team. Then the jerk stopped managing his own team. It seemed kind of weird only going to be playing with Charlie. It was going to be a glorified game of catch, but CB was a _damn_ _good_ pitcher. It would be a painful and entertaining game of catch if anything. Schroeder realized how weird that still sounded, even though Schroeder had seen Charlie Brown pitch a no-hitter in eighth-grade. Not mention _five more_ since then.

Schroeder, digging through his closet, had managed to find his old catchers suit. He looked at it as he held it in his hands and laughed loudly. _The gear used to be massive!_ It used to _drag_ on the ground when he wore it. Now, it looked like it was going to be a rather _snug_ fit. The helmet was _so little_ he just decided to put that back where he found it. He smiled as he considered how much he had grown over the years. He had hit his first growth spurt when he was twelve and hadn't stopped growing since.

Schroeder refocused his attention on finding the rest of his baseball gear. He silently cursed himself when he found his catching glove. _Why didn't he ask Charlie to bring gloves?_ He couldn't even _attempt_ to fit his hand into the old thing. Schroeder stood up quickly, having decided to call CB to ask him to bring one for him. The quick motion was an idiotic idea in the small, overpacked closet. He caused the closet to collapse into itself. The contents raining onto him and onto the floor.

" _ **Shit!"** _ Schroeder scrambled around trying to escape and shove everything back into his closet. Then the doorbell rang signaling that Charlie had arrived. " _Perfect timing!"_ Schroeder groaned from underneath all his junk. He huffed as he finally pulled himself out of the closet's vomit, only after failing three times. He couldn't wait to see CB. Schroeder rushed down the stairs, through the living room, and to the door. He grabbed the handle and opened the door quickly.

" _Hey, CB!"_ Schroeder exclaimed happily before the door was open all then way. Then he felt his smile falter, and it was quickly replaced by an angry scowl focused on Linus Van Pelt. _**Why was he here?**_

" _Hey, Schroeder!_ **_Ready to play some baseball?"_** CB was practically vibrating with excitement. Schroeder smiled, but it probably looked like a grimace. Then he silently invited the two inside. His glare still focused on Linus. When they were all inside the threshold, Schroeder _slammed_ the door. The other two boys flinched. Schroeder was _livid_. **_Linus had abandoned Charlie when he needed him most and had the nerve to invade his and CB's plans?_**

 _ **"What the fuck are you doing here?"**_ Schroeder hissed his greeting, pointing an accusing finger at Linus. Linus' eyes widened in shock, Charlie's face twisted up in confusion.

"Umm? _Standing?"_ Linus said flatly. His shock seemed to melt into irritation. Schroeder felt his famous temper flare. ** _The little bitch!_** He then did something that _no one_ would have expected. He took one step towards Linus. Linus' eyes widened giving away his fear, but he stood his ground. Schroeder noted that it just made him even more pissed off. Then Schroeder did it. He _punched_ Linus directly in the stomach. **Hard**.

" _SCHROEDER!"_ Charlie Brown screamed. Schroeder ignored him as he watched Linus double over in pain. Schroeder just stood there, his fist still in his follow-through, shaking.

" _ **SCHROEDER!"**_ Charlie Brown screamed again. This time, it brought Schroeder back to reality. He slowly lowered his fist, as what he had done started to sink in, his anger cooling slightly.

"Why did... _ugh_... why'd you do _that_?" Linus choked out around his coughing and gasping. This caused Schroeder's temper to flare again. Schroeder reached out and grabbed Linus' shirt pulling him towards him. Linus was lifted above the ground. He was dangling and his feet were kicking trying to regain purchase. Schroeder couldn't believe his ears. _Didn't he realize all the grief he had caused Charlie Brown? **The complete dick he had been to everyone over the last week?**_

Schroeder could see the sheer terror pouring from Linus. His wide eyes kept darting around looking everywhere but at Schroeder. CB was saying something in the background that Schroeder couldn't hear around the rushing in his ears.

" _Why did I do it?_ Simple, _you deserved it_. ** _You fucking prick!"_ ** Schroeder said while his face was only inches away from Linus'. Linus flinched and closed his eyes. _That_ was snapped Schroeder out of his blinding rage. Schroeder knew that kind of fear _all too well_. Linus' olive green eyes opened and sparkled with fear and maybe some unshed tears. Schroeder quickly dropped Linus just as the tears pricked his own eyes. _**Shit! W**_ _ **hat** **the fuck** **was wrong with him?** **He swore he'd never do something like this again!**_

" **SCHROEDER? _What the hell?"_** Charlie yelled as he grabbed Schroeder turned him around, " _Oh my god?_ _What...?"_ Charlie Brown muttered. Schroeder had tears rolling down his cheeks, **God.** He didn't know what to do with himself. He was _angry, furious, consumed with rage,_ but now he was pissed at _himself_ , not at Linus. He had just _punched_ someone! Charlie Brown's best friend no less! **Oh, no!** _How could he?_ He rubbed at his face smearing the tears, trying to make them go away.

" _Uh?_ " Schroeder had to swallow around the lump in his throat, "Linus, you, um, did deserve that, ya know, for what you did last week. To Charlie." That as all Schroeder managed to get out of his tight throat. Realization flashed across Linus' face. His face twisted up as if he was unsure of what to say next. He chewed at his bottom lip as he rubbed at his abdomen. He finally stood up straight, but he cringed as he did so.

"Schroeder, I'm a douche bag," Linus looked like he was going to say more, but a startled laugh escaped from CB, then he brushed off his interruption with a long whistle. Then Linus continued, " **And so are you! _Goddamn!_ You pack a fucking punch, Jesus Christ. _Why the fuck?_** _"_ Schroeder opened his mouth, but Linus raised a hand cutting him off. Schroeder made like a fish and shut his mouth. "Plus, it's probably too late to mention, but me and Charlie Brown already sorted everything out." _Of course, they did._ It was only a matter of time before the two were _joined at the hip_ again. Schroeder let out an audible sigh. He knew the real reason he punched Linus was a selfish one. It was jealousy. That, and the protective instinct he had when it came to Charlie.

Charlie had always been Schroeder's best friend, but Linus had always been Charlie's. Schroeder had always been his second choice, but this last week everything had changed. Linus jumped back to second place, a position he rarely ever landed in. Schroeder had become Charlie Brown's number one once again. Now, once again, here was Linus invading on the first plans he and Charlie Brown had made together in a long time. Not to mention that only yesterday Linus had been avoiding CB. He did deserve that punch for leaving Charlie bleeding and crying last week, but the unnecessary force behind the blow was the jealousy. Schroeder wiped at his eyes, thinking about how his terrible emotional control was. That was nothing new, though.

"Yeah you are, but _I am sorry_ Linus," Schroeder smiled falsely, as his tears dried, "Did you expect me not too? I play sports too, ya know. _Rougher, tougher_ sports than _you're_ in," Linus and Schroeder were actually glaring at each other, no this was not over. This was going yo last a while.

" _ **Speaking of sports!"**_ Charlie Brown said as he clapped hands, it spooked Schroeder and Linus out of their glaring contest, **"Let's play some baseball!"**

 ** _"Totally!_** _That's why we're all here right?!"_ Schroeder squealed with pseudo-excitement, as he started towards his bedroom beckoning his guest, and guest's douche bag friend, to follow him.

"What happened here?" Linus drew out, as they entered Schroeder's room. Which still hadn't recovered from his closet throwing up. CB laughed, and Schroeder knew why his room was always spotless. It barely ever looked like anyone even lived here.

"My closet tried to kill me," Schroeder said as he picked up his catchers suit. "Look what I found in this mess, though."

"That is not going to fit you," Charlie Brown said, laughing obnoxiously, "and to think that used to be **HUGE** on you!" Charlie couldn't stop giggling as he took the suit. "This would barely fit me! **_Oh my god!"_ ** Schroeder playfully rolled his eyes.

"You guys ready to go play?" Linus interjected. Schroeder shot a glare in his direction. Charlie was still smiling stupidly still waving the catcher's suit around.

"Yup," Schroeder and Charlie said in unison.

That's what they did, played at the old sandlot, throwing the ball around. Linus and Schroeder trying and failing to hit Charlie's arsenal of fastballs, curveballs, breaker balls, and sinkers. Schroeder did manage to hit one of the sinkers. It was hilarious because of all the jokes Charlie made as Schroeder went around the plates.

The rivalry between Linus and Schroeder got to a bitter point when Linus kept throwing pitches that would end up hitting Schroeder. Schroeder did the mature thing and made sure that one pitch he threw to Linus would leave a bruise. Other than that one incident everything was fantastic. It was a wonderful day, and Schroeder was going to hold this memory close to his heart for a long time.


	17. Always Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Sally Brown couldn't believe what she had heard. **_No,_** _I couldn't be true,_ it was _merely impossible_. Her big brother was **_a cutter?_** _What?_ _When did it all start? How had she never noticed? Why had he kept it from her?_ ** _Why didn't he ever ask for help?_**

Questions, so many questions rambled through her head, as she dug through her older brother's room. She knew he was _depressed_ , but she never realized it could have possibly been _that bad_. She always thought he was _so strong_ , _too strong_ for something so _**sinister**_. Thinking about all her constant tormenting made her stomach roll in protest. **_What if part of this was her fault?_** She was dizzy as she reached out to open Charlie's bedside dresser. The place that teenage boys hid everything personal, because there was an unspoken rule about not digging through them. She disregarded it, and all other cares about Charlie's personal boundaries.

" _Oh, God,"_ Sally gasped as she covered her mouth. In that stupid drawer were a red towel, a razor, and a first aid kit. She reached out timidly and picked up the towel. She gagged as dried blood cracked. _**"Oh, God,"**_ she repeated as the reality of the situation really sunk in. She wanted to hold on the believe that everything she had heard wasn't real. The towel in her hands told her otherwise. He really was a cutter. She took there, rag in hand, for a long time thinking about everything. She really loved Charlie, and she really thought things were getting better. She couldn't bring herself to look for any more evidence. She'd already violated Charlie's privacy enough. Plus, she might throw up. She stood there thinking until she heard the door open.

" _ **Shoot!"**_ Sally panicked, as she threw the towel back in the drawer and scrambled out of her brother's room. She then saw it was just her mother, back from... _Where ever the hell she was today_. Sally never knew when she'd see her parents. They usually got back to cook or eat dinner, but that was as regular as their schedule got.

"Hey, Mom!" Sally said faking her normal giddiness. God, she felt terrible. She was anxious about Charlie.

"Hey, Sally girl," her mom said inviting Sally for a hug, which she took. "How was your day? And where's Charlie?" Sally felt herself bristle at the mention of her brother.

"Today was great. Charlie's out playing baseball with Linus and, I think, Schroeder," Sally rattled off the less terrible part of the conversation she had overheard. Her mom smiled warmly.

"That's good." Was what she said as she started prepping to cook dinner. Sally joined in. "Charlie's been neglecting his friends recently, it good that he's out playing with them again." Sally listened as her mom mused aloud while cutting the onion she was handed.

"I worry about Charlie, Mom. He's been _weird_ recently," Sally couldn't believe she let that slip out. She tried to recover, "well, I mean he's always _weird_ but _more weird_ than usual. Like _slug weird_ , slugs are the _weirdest_ bug things, at least snails make _some_ sense." Sally rambled like she always did and her mom chuckled.

"Well, he's just dealing with puberty, it's _normal_." Sally had to suppress rolling her eyes, of course, everything was normal. **_Everything was always so perfect._**


	18. Not Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

****

Schroeder was on the edge of his seat, he couldn't wait for school to let out. Today was Tuesday, and Tuesdays meant two things: Marching Band and getting to ride home with Alex. He was beginning to get impatient, and started tapping his fingers wantonly on his desk. His other hand was his head rest as he stared at the clock. He began to hum quietly to himself.

"Hey, _Schroed_. Whatcha thinking about?" Charlie Brown asked startling Schroeder causing him to jump and to choke on his voice. CB and a couple other kids laughed, and Schroeder felt his ears turn red. _Thank goodness_ only seconds later the bell rang. Schroeder quickly gathered his things up and headed out the door with the throng.

"Schroeder!" Charlie Brown called after him. Schroeder slowed and stepped off to the side waiting for him to catch up.

"Hey, CB. Do you need anything? I have rehearsal so I need to hurry," Schroeder gestured towards the band room over his shoulder, but he was happy to talk. He still had ten minutes until he would be late.

"Not anything in particular just wanted to say hi. And see if your feeling okay, you seem distracted." Schroeder's stomach dropped in what felt like panic, for some reason.

"I'm fine, _great_ actually," Schroeder messed with his beanie, a nervous habit, "I suppose I'm still upset about Linus, but that's _whatever_."

"Yeah, I guess so. Try to forgive him, _okay_?" Charlie looked up at a clock, "I need to go catch the bus, see you later!" Schroeder watched him leave, an odd sense of dread crawling up his spine. _Why did Charlie Brown have to pick Linus over him?_ _After everything that has happened,_ _ **why?**_ He shook it off and headed for the band room, clutching his books to his chest.

He was humming to himself when he walked past the gym and noted a group of boys, that included Joe and his minions. Schroeder wasn't worried about the suspicious looking group, they never bothered him. They were bright enough not to, or so Schroeder had thought. Then he heard a low **woof whistle** and the hair on the back of his neck stood up.

" _Hey,_ _ **Pretty Boy,**_ _"_ One of the minion's cat called, stopping Schroeder in his tracks, both out of anxiety and morbid curiosity. _Why were they picking on him?_ He was easily a six inches taller than all of them, and he did play sports after all. Schroeder turned around, to humor them per say.

" _Hey, where's your_ _ **boyfriend**_ **?"** Another one of the boys sneered. Schroeder raised an eyebrow, and he felt his ears turn red despite himself. _No one_ but Lucy, Linus, Charlie Brown, and Blake knew about his and Alex's relationship. Well, as far as _he_ knew. Schroeder wasn't ready for his momma to find out yet so Alex agreed to keep it under wraps. _Had they been obvious?_ A cold sweat started to form on the back of his neck.

"Excuse me?" Schroeder said plainly, faking confusion. Joe began to laugh loudly and took a couple steps toward Schroeder, who had to _force_ himself not to take a step back. Joe looked Schroder up and down and then knocked the books out of his hands. Schroeder huffed in annoyance. _**Really?**_ That was extremely childish. Schroeder knew better than to try to retrieve them, so he crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

_**"Oh,**_ _don't play dumb,_ ** _Blondie._** _I've always knew you were a_ _**faggot**_ ," Joe spit the words out like grit, "A _pretty boy_ like you, always quite and always beating girls off with a stick? Doesn't make sense, I mean, _c'mon man_ , if I had hotties like Lucy and Frieda glued to my sides, I'd take full advantage of **_that_** ," Joe's made a vulgar gesture, Schroeder rolled his eyes. His ears were still burning, but he needed to hold his ground.

"Well, that's _you_ ," Schroeder had to swallow before he could continue, "I don't believe taking advantage of someone sexually is okay, especially if you have no romantic interest in them."

**"Oh,** ** _boo hoo!"_** Joe made the crying gesture and pushed Schroeder backward causing him to stumble. Schroeder's mild panic was starting to rise rapidly, this wasn't going to end well. "I'd think you'd take advantage of someone sexually, but only if they had a **_dick_**!" Schroeder was surprised as he was attacked by another rough push that caused him to hit the wall. He was cornered, and Schroeder _did not_ do well trapped.

"I, _uh_ , w-wouldn't do that," Schroeder said the fear finally creeping into his voice. It was true, he'd _never_ hurt anyone that way.

"Oh, look the _ **faggot's**_ scared!"

_"Queer!"_

" _How's_ _ **dick**_ _taste?"_ Three of the boys called out all at once, but Schroeder knew exactly who said what. He was scared, he was terrified. He hadn't been this scared since, since... Schroeder shook his head. That was also a question he wasn't willing to answer.

"Hey guys I've got to get to rehearsal, I'm going to be late," Schroeder said lamely.

"You're not going anywhere, **fag** ," Joe said, putting his arms up boxing Schroeder in. That was it. Schroeder felt bile rising in the back of his throat. _**Oh, no**_ , he was starting to have a panic attack. His eyes widened as he began to lose control of his breathing.

_"What the_ _ **fuck**_ _is wrong with you,_ _ **cocksucker**_ _?"_ A voice said, but Schroeder couldn't tell who it was. He was getting tunnel vision, and his heart was losing control, and his lungs were closing in on him. He knew had probably had tears rolling down his face, but he couldn't be sure. He couldn't focus, he heard people talking, but he could barely put any of it together.

" _Man?_ What's going on?"

_"What the_ _**fuck** _ _?"_

"Is he _okay_?"

"Is he trying to make us feel bad?" Schroeder felt himself being lifted off the floor. **OH NO!** ** _Not again._** **NOT AGAIN!** ** _Please_** **, NO!**

" **NO! STOP!** ** _Please_** **,"** Schroeder heard himself yelling, " _ **Not again!**_ _Please no!_ _ **I didn't!"**_ He was no longer in the hallway surrounded by bullies. He was younger, somewhere else, and terrified again.

"Joe?"

"Listen here," Schroeder was being shaken, but he barely registered the motion, " _You need to stop flipping the fuck out!_ " Schroeder was having none of it.

" _No, she's not gone, she's at work, please no,"_ Schroeder muttered incoherently.

"What?" Schroeder hit the floor. The voices faded out suddenly, and then some time later someone was shaking him, again. It seemed gentler this time.

_"Schroeder?_ _ **Schroeder?!"**_ He heard someone call out to him, but it sounded so very far away, "Schroeder, I need you to breathe. _In_ then _out_ , okay?" He subconsciously obeyed. His lungs started to loosen, and his heart slowed down. He was slowing being brought back to reality. "That's it. You're okay."

Then everything slammed back into motion. Schroeder was shaking violently, his face was soaked with tears, his chest hurt. His eyes were wide as looked up to see Mr. Hayden bent down in front of him, fear etched on his face. Then he looked beyond his band director and seen a small crowd. The bullies with Joe and some miscellaneous other students, all staring at him. Oh, God.

" _Oh_ ," Schroeder whispered, not sure what else to say.

"Schroeder, what happened? Joe told me you just started losing it," Mr. Haylen cooed, offering a hand to help him up. Schroeder took it and stood up on shaky legs. He wiped at his eyes, angrily.

"I think I had a panic attack. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a stir," Schroeder muttered nervously, while he picked at his beanie, hands still shaking violently.

" **Oh, no.** That's not your fault, come on let's get you some water," Schroeder followed his band director, "Oh! Thank you for going to get me, Thibault." **_Thibault?_** That didn't add up. He was one of his _attackers_.

Schroeder was terrified, he hadn't had a panic attack in a while. He was jittery about what he could have said. Not to mention all the eyes staring at him. _How did Charlie deal with that kind of shit every day?_ Well, he really didn't, not that well at least. Schroeder glanced around and then noticed his things were still in the floor, so he went over to retrieve them. Then he heard the whispers.

"I never realized Schroeder had _mental problems_."

"I heard him screaming _all the way from the other side of the gym."_

"I bet it was Joe's fault, he was trying to play the good guy by sending Thibault to get a teacher."

"He looked _so_ scared."

"He was screaming something about his mom." Schroeder faulted in his walking at the last comment. He didn't, _did he?_ This could possibly be the worst thing to ever happen to him. Well, not really, but it came close.

Once Schroeder reached to band room, he had calmed down quite a bit. He was cold, though, from the energy drainage and all the sweat. Mr. Haylen looked stricken.

"Mr. Haylen?" Schroeder said timidly. The teacher turned around quickly.

"Yes, Schroeder? _Are you okay?"_

"Can I call my mom?" Schroeder took a deep, shaky breath, "Not really, have a panic attack sucks."

"Yes, you can call your mother, and you have my full permission to skip rehearsal today, by the way," Mr. Haylen rubbed his temple, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you had panic attacks." Schroeder frowned. Mr. Haylen should have known. Schroeder's paperwork stated that he had PTSD. He ignored that, it wasn't important.

"Yeah, I've been having them since I was eight, nine-ish. They're not as frequent as they used to be, though," Schroeder picked at his beanie, "I'm going to go call now." He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Schroeder, if you ever need to talk my office is always open... _Oh_ , and tell Amelia I said hello."

"I will, thank you," Schroeder waved the teacher off as he headed into a practice room. He dialed his mother's work phone. She always said call if anything happens, even if she's at work. She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey, baby. _Are you okay_?" Schroeder could hear the concern in her voice.

"Kinda, ya know I only call you at work if something happened," Schroeder said, lightly, he hated making her worry. She did that enough already.

" _ **Oh, no!**_ _What happened!? You sound_ _ **exhausted**_ _!"_ He knew without looking at his mother that she was pacing.

"I, umm, kinda had a _panic attack_ ," Schroeder heard him mom gasp, "in the middle of the hallway, in front of a lot of people."

"You haven't had one in over six months... Baby, _what happened? Did someone try to_ _ **hurt**_ _you?"_ She sounded concerned as she rambled. Schroeder knew he had to tell her, but he was starting to regret it as always.

"Kinda. They were some of Charlie Brown's regular bullies, one of them pushed me, I hit a wall, and I lost it," Schroeder and his mother had an agreement about always telling the truth to each other, ever since she found out about... No, he wasn't going to think about that now.

" ** _That's awful!"_** She basically hissed, then as she continued her voice softened, "Scheety, I can't come get you right now. Go get some water and take it easy. Okay?"

"I will," Schroeder blushed despite himself, "I have a ride actually. I can make it home. Don't worry focus on work." He paused, "Oh! Mr. Haylen says hello."

"Okay, _okay_. Tell him I said hello back. You'll really be okay? _**Oh**_ , I know you will be safe. See you tonight. Love you, bye." Schroeder said his farewells and hung up. He hated making Momma worry, but he had to keep her in the know. Schroeder obeyed her request and got another drink of water and then he headed for the football field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I know most people try to put trigger warnings in fan works, but I have a weird philosophy on that. That's what tags are for. I look at my written works as more like novels and I feel as if I should treat them as such. Novels come with warnings and summaries at the beginning. If something like this is too much for please find some one to talk to. Working through things is a hard thing to do, but many times it is better than avoiding everything that freaks you out. Of course we all need time to heal and we all deserve that but time is not infinite for us and we must eventually move on. 
> 
> If you need help ask for it. Send me a message here, tumblr @ stujet9, hell if you want I'll even give you my discord.


	19. The More He Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Alex Montgomery was owning football practice today. There was just something in his blood giving him vigor. The other boys didn't seem to like his overly boisterous attitude because he was playing maybe a little too rough. Maybe his elevated energy had to do with his _little, blonde cutie_ who he was going to give a ride home to, _yup_ , that was definitively it.

" ** _Montgomery!_** _Get that stupid grin off your face and focus!"_ Coach J. screamed, and Alex did what he was told, but that didn't stop his mind from _occasionally_ drifting.

Alex was still in a great mood as they broke for a fifteen-minute water break. Well, he _was_ until he seen Schroeder sitting in the bleachers, with his head in his hand, leaning against the railing. He looked like he was asleep. Alex felt fear bolt through him. Schroeder was _supposed_ to be at marching band practice until five. It was barely four. Concerned, Alex climbed up the bleachers. As he got closer, he noted that Schroeder had bags under his eyes and that they were puffy. He looked _absolutely exhausted_ even though he was in fast asleep.

Alex felt terrible as he sat down next to Schroeder with the intent to wake him up. Alex actually thought twice about it. Upon realizing how awful and completely dog-tired Schroeder looked, but he needed to find out why he was here.

"Hey, _hey,_ **_he~y_** ," Alex said as he gently poked his boyfriend's cheek. Then Schroeder jumped up at least a foot and looked like a cat who had water dumped on it. He was clutching his chest and had to force himself to breathe. Alex definitely regretted waking him up. That face was pitiful.

 **" _Alex!_** _You scared the **death** out of me!" _ Schroeder scolded, voice sounding a little too strained. Something was clearly off.

" _I'm sorry_ , pup. Didn't mean to scare you. What are you doing _here_ for? _You okay?"_ Alex said as he reached over and ruffled Schroeder's hair. Schroeder blushed as he swatted his hand away. Alex knew he hated that, but his reaction was so cute he couldn't help himself. Schroeder fixed his hair to his satisfaction, then he shrugged.

"I'm fine- _ish_ ," Schroeder paused and then clicked his tongue, looking shy, "Well, I did, _uh_ , kinda have a panic attack," Alex sucked in a breath, no wonder Schroeder looked so dog-tired.

" _ **Really?!** That's horrible,"_ Alex gasped. Schroeder shrugged again, as of it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Plus, Mr. Haylen wouldn't let me rehearse, and Momma can't come get me. So I came _here_." When Alex keep gaping, Schroeder looked away, "I'm not going to cause _any problems_ am I?" Alex just stared, he couldn't believe he would think such a thing.

" **What? _No!"_** Alex said as he wrapped his arm around the smaller, blonde's shoulder. Schroeder's ears turned red, but Alex wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment, shame, or both. Schroeder sighed, and his shoulders slumped, and he leaned into Alex, eyes closing. "Hey, pup?"

 _"Hmm?"_ Schroeder mumbled, not even opening his eyes.

"What caused you to have a panic attack?" Alex asked. That caused his boyfriend to open his eyes and to shift uncomfortably. He even pulled away from Alex and looked at his feet.

"I had a run in with some kids, and one of them said some stuff and boxed me against a wall, and I lost it." Alex felt anger roll in his stomach, but he ignored it. That wasn't what Schroeder needed right now.

"Are they _normal_?" Alex inquired quietly.

" _Not really?_ But they _can_ be. I've been having them since I was eight, nine-ish," He was trying too hard to make everything look like it wasn't a big deal, it was a big deal. Alex opened his mouth to say something, but then Schroeder let out a self-deprecating laugh, " _Apparently, you could hear me screaming all the way on the other side of the gym."_ He kept that cracked smile as he picked at his beanie. Alex just looked at the boy clad in purple, who looked downright devastated. Alex knew he was going to kick someone's ass in the near future. When Alex calmed down enough to speak, Coach J's whistle blasted through the air signaling the end of the break.

"You need a ride home, right?" Alex asked. Schroeder didn't look up as he nodded in the positive. "Okay, I'll be right back, then I'll take you home." Alex then got up and headed back to the field. Coach J was looking at him with disdain. He didn't like the fact that his star player was waving the rainbow pride flag, but he didn't say anything. He couldn't legally, but people still do that shit. Alex made a mental note to keep Schroeder away from the _bigot_.

"Coach J. I'm heading home early today," Alex said bluntly, trying not to leave the conversation up for debate. Coach J's face twisted in confusion, along with several players around him. Blake rolled his eyes and sighed.

" _ **Why the hell are you going to do that?"** _ Coach J. crossed his arms angrily.

"It's an _emergency_. You can yell at me for it later," Alex shrugged, he never missed practice let alone leaves early. Throwing the word  emergency out would stop ay backlash, **probably**.

" _Fine_. But you are going to make up for it," Coach J said though gritted teeth. Alex nodded and then walked away. Coach J then started yelling that the rest of practice was going to be drilled. Tomorrow his teammates are going to be pissed at him, drills fucking suck.

Once he got back to the bleachers, he beckoned for Schroeder to come down the stairs to meet him. He obeyed and looked like he could barely walk, he was basically just dragging himself off of sheer will alone, not to mention all the stuff he was carrying. Alex's rage was resurfacing, he was _definitely_ going to rearrange someone's face. Alex took some of Schroeder's stuff when he got to him.

"Hey, _Alex_? You're not going to get in _trouble_ for leaving early, are you?" Schroeder asked awkwardly. Aww, his Schroeder was so damn sweet. Alex's anger was gone like someone had thrown water on a fire. Alex reached over and pulled Schroeder into a side hug, who released a startled giggle, " _Quit, **Alex!** I going to fall over!"_

" _What?_ Are you calling me **fat? _I'm wounded!"_ ** Alex put the back of his hand to his forehead and dramatically faked a swoon going slightly limp on Schroeder. He must not have seen it coming because they both ended up on the ground. Schroeder was a giggling mess with his bright red cheeks and ears as they had to untangle themselves from each other. "Wow. I _must_ be **fat**." Alex said between his own laughing fit. Then Schroeder completely lost it, he was laughing uncontrollably and was snorting, the whole nine yards. _Damn_ , he was _so_ cute.

"Darn it, Alex. Why do you do stuff like that?" Schroeder said between his subsiding giggles. Alex started to stand up.

"Because you're _so damn cute_ ," Alex said as he poked Schroeder on the nose. Then he reached out offering him a hand to help him up. Once they were both back on their feet and their scattered belongings gathered, Alex decided to answer Schroeder's question, " **Oh** , and I probably won't get in trouble, but it is a _possibility_." Alex beckoned his boyfriend to follow him to the car.

" _Oh_ ," Schroeder said, and he looked down at his feet as he started to walk. Was that shame? Why was he ashamed? A man has to have priorities. When they got to the car Alex typed in the unlock code and then turned the car on. Schroeder gracefully got into the passenger seat. After they had left Alex just had to know more.

"Who were they?" Alex asked quietly. Schroeder looked over with his big blue eyes. Then he looked down and started picking at his beanie again.

"They _usually_ never bother me, because, _ya know_ , I'm usually around Charlie Brown, who they normally pick on, so I've scared them off quite a few times." Schroeder yawned, "I usually have no trouble standing up to people, bu... but today was just different. I guess it was what they were saying..." Then Schroeder just stopped talking, looking lost for words.

"But _**who** _ were they?" Alex prompted.

"Oh, it was Joe and his minions." Alex made a mental note.

"What type of things did they say?" Alex said trying to not sound like the pissed off, over protective, football player he was. Schroeder let out a nervous chuckle that sounded like he was choking.

"Well, they, _umm,_ called me a faggot and, _uh_ , other things related to that." There it was, some homophobic assholes had messed with him. Alex felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten. "It was just annoying at first, Joe knocked my books out of my hands. Which is stupid and really childish. Then he pushed me... _twice_. My back made contact with a wall near the gym, and... Well, I had a panic attack. _I, uh, couldn't help it_." Schroeder's voice kept getting quieter and quieter, so Alex glanced over at him. Then he saw the tears. Oh! Thank god they were almost to Schroeder's house.

" _ **Oh, no**_. _Hey, don't cry_. Joe's an asshole, don't let _him_ get to you," Alex cooed as he tried to focus on driving and his teary-eyed boyfriend. Alex thanked his lucky stars as the blue roof of Schroeder's house came into view. Schroeder was angrily wiping at his eyes, then his phone rang. Schroeder jumped and fumbled to pull his phone out of his pocket. His tears were pretty much gone. Alex finally pulled into the driveway as Schroeder answered his phone.

"Hey, Momma... Yeah, Why?... **What?** _How'd you do that?..._ Uh, when are you going to be here?... In a couple minutes? Okay?... Okay... Yes... Bye Momma... Love you, too." Schroeder hung up the phone and just stared at it.

"Umm? _You okay?"_ Alex asked timidly.

" _My mom is going to be here in a couple minutes,_ " Schroeder said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, "I wish she wouldn't do stuff like that. She told her boss what happened, and he let her leave early. She's going to smother me." Alex raised an eyebrow, Schroeder looked annoyed, but his voice was laced with affection. He must have a really good relationship with his mother. Which was _really weird_ , considering he was adamant about not telling her he was gay. This curly haired, blonde cutie was becoming quite the enigma, but that just added to appeal.

"Is that a bad thing?" Alex asked as he got out of the car, making sure to grab Schroeder's stuff. An instrument case and a book bag that weighed a ton. Hmm, Schroeder carried this stuff with ease. Well, normally, today he could barely move. Alex caught his mind wondering how much muscle was hidden in Schroeder's skinny form.

" _Alex? ** _Hell_ ~o?"** _Alex jumped as he realized that Schroeder was waving his hand in his face, Alex's faced flushed.

" _Yeah_?" Alex smiled awkwardly.

"You didn't hear _anything_ I said, did you?"

" **Nope."**

" _Really?_ Well, come on then. Chauffeur my stuff this way," Schroeder said as he rolled his eyes and headed for the door. Then he pulled out his phone and a house key magically appeared. Once the door was open he gestured for Alex to go inside, he did so. Schroeder shut the door and squeezed past him. Alex followed.

What lay before him was surprising. The house was remarkably white, but it was really homey. There was a music booth in the far corner of the living room, a couch and a coffee table, and a TV stand that had more pictures on it than it had movies. Well, the entire room was covered in pictures.

"This is my house," Schroeder declared with a sweeping gesture. Alex laughed.

"I'm hoping so. It would be _weird_ if it weren't considering all the pictures of you." Alex joked, and Schroeder snort laughed.

" _Jeesh_ , You're going to be the death of me," Schroeder beckoned him, "Come on." Alex followed him into a small dining room and up a stairwell. The upstairs looked like it only had two rooms, a bathroom and what Alex assumed was Schroeder's room. Which he was proven correct on. "Here's my room. I just need to put my stuff up, which you have."

"Can't have you saying I'm not a gentleman," Alex teased as he followed Schroeder. The room was in disarray. It looked like his closet politely thrown up. Schroeder's face turned really red.

"I forgot," he picked at his beanie,"The other day I was going through my closet looking for my old baseball stuff and it fell apart. I'm still reorganizing." Schroeder took his backpack and hung it up and took the cases and put them up too.

"No big deal." Then something caught Alex's eyes, Hockey gear, lots of it. It seemed out of place, and he picked up a stick, " ** _You play hockey?"_ ** Schroeder smiled and took the stick from him.

 _"Yup,"_ Schroeder said popping the 'p,' "I love it, and I'm a **goalie** ," he looked so pleased with himself. Alex was dumbfounded. This stick figure, music nerd not only played hockey but was a goalie. Alex must have been gaping, because Schroeder shrugged, "I know it may be _hard to believe_ , a _twink_ like me can play hockey, but I bench a little _over 400 pounds_." The smugness in Schroeder's tone could be cut with a knife.

"I don't believe you. _That's impossible_ , I need proof," Alex said, crossing his arms. He played football and had a lot more muscle than Schroeder and could only bench 700 pounds. Schroeder walked over the disastrous closet and dug around for a minute and then tossed Alex a T-shirt. The shirt declared loudly **'400 LBS CLUB SPARKYVILLE HIGH SCHOOL.'** Alex had three of these shirts of his own declaring he was in the 500, 600, and 700 clubs. "Well, hell."

"Proof enough?" Schroeder said, smug grin still plastered on his face.

"Yeah, but _how_? You can't weigh more than 130," Alex was baffled, as the unbidden thought of how well toned Schroeder was returned.

"166," Schroeder shrugged, "I have a lot of pent up anger. Another reason I'm so good at hockey." Alex was getting more question than answers, as he certainly did not miss the anger comment. Panic attacks, anger issues, and soft hearted. _Hmm?_

"166. _Damn_ , I weigh 220. I _need_ to see you play hockey," Alex sighed, and Schroeder blushed. Schroeder started to twirl the hockey stick in one hand.

"You'll have to wait until November when practices start. Games, on the other hand, don't start until January," Schroeder smiled as he left the implications of that statement open.

" **Schroeder Fennon!** _What have I said about playing with your hockey equipment in the house!_ " A female voice sounded from behind them. Schroeder's eyes widened like saucers, and he quickly put the stick back where he got it in a swift throw. **_"Schroeder!"_ ** Alex turned around to see a surprisingly short, older female version of Schroeder with green eyes.

"Hey, momma," Schroeder said as he smiled and picked at his beanie, "This is Alex Montgomery, he's who gave me a ride home. Alex this is my Mom, Amelia Linton."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Alex smiled and reached his hand out, she shook it. Alex marveled at how much Schroeder looked his mother. Same curly blonde hair, same pale white skin, same high cheekbones.

"Hello, nice to meet you too. Thank you for giving Schroeder a ride home," She smiled, wow, even their smiles were almost the same. "I really appreciate it. Come on let's head downstairs this room is a mess." She pointed a glare at her son, and Alex had to stifle a laugh.

Once they were all downstairs, Alex decided he needed to head out. It was a little after five and he needed to be home by his normal time. Alex was going to tell them he was going to leave, but he realized he was completely alone in the living room. _**Huh**. When did that happen?_ So Alex went with the second best option, _Snoop_. Or politely look around.

The pictures were what caught his attention the most, almost all of them had Schroeder in them one way or another. All the rest were of his mother or of Schroeder's friends. The only picture Alex noticed that had a grown man in it was on the top of the TV stand in an old family photo. It was of a much younger looking Amelia holding a blonde toddler, sitting in front of a very tall man with bright blue eyes, dark skin, and black hair. Hmm?

"Whatcha doing?" Schroeder asked from somewhere behind him. Alex jumped.

"Looking at photos of you."

"I'm going to have to get used to your bluntness." Alex chuckled and turned around to see Schroeder hovering around the archway to the living room.

"Well, that is one of my more noticeable traits," Alex pointedly looked at a clock, "Hey Schroeder, I need to head on home. Okay?"

"Well, I'll tell Mom you denied her invite to dinner," Schroeder seemed amused by that idea. Just then Amelia yelled from the other side of the house, Schroeder rolled his eyes, ** _"Good grief!"_ ** Schroeder muttered loudly and walked over to Alex and gave him a quick hug, "See you tomorrow. Sneak out before she sees you, once she pulls you into a conversation, it will not stop. _**Ever**_. She hasn't shut up since I was _born_." Alex let out a hearty laugh, and Schroeder smiled warmly at him. Alex couldn't resist the urge, and he reached out and ruffled his hair. Schroeder huffed.

"You're a pain. Drive safe," Schroeder said and took his beanie off.

"I know. I will and see you tomorrow," Alex said laughing, "If you ever need anything remember I'm here to help."

"I know. I would walk you out, but..." Schroeder was cut off by Amelia yelling for him again, then he shrugged apologetically. Well, that did give his reason well enough.

"It's all good, buh bye," Alex waved as he walked out the door. Once he was in his car on the way home, Alex mulled over all the things he needed to learn about Schroeder.


	20. It's Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED VERSION!

Charlie Brown couldn't help the weird prickly feeling in his stomach as he walked to the bus. He shook his head. Maybe he was still a little bothered by the fact Schroeder had punched Linus. He still couldn't get rid of the shock, and that was four days ago. In all honesty, he shouldn't have been surprised considering all the times Schroeder's lost it before. Still, all those incidents have been on the ice. Plus having Schroeder tell him he wasn't all too willing to forgive Linus was making everything that much worse. Charlie didn't know what to do. Schroeder was such a great guy and for all his support while Linus had ditched. Linus, on the other hand, was his best friend and best friends forgave each other, without violence.

"Hey! Charlie Brown!" Linus said from somewhere behind him. Charlie turned around to see him waving; he let him catch up.

"Hey, Linus. How ya doing?" Charlie asked as they started walking towards their bus together.

"I'm good. Today was _really_ long, though," Linus sighed, "Schroeder still isn't talking to me." Then it was Charlie's turn to sigh. He already felt like he was being pulled into their squabble. He'd never admit it aloud, but he secretly believed Linus deserved it. If only a little.

"Well, Schroeder _does_ have the tendency to be extremely stubborn. We all know that," Charlie Brown rambled as he squeezed through the bus to their seat. Linus snorted.

"Boy isn't that the truth. I've heard about his stubborn, sarcastic ass since I was a _toddler_ ," Linus cracked his knuckles, " _I really want to kick his ass_." He growled with annoyance. He was acting like he was angry beyond repair, but his eyes gave him away. He was taking this pretty hard. Then despite all the deadly intent Charlie Brown chuckled lightly. A fight, a real fight, between Linus and Schroeder would be both terrible and hilarious. The outcome was inevitable, though.

"Linus, If I tell you the truth. Schroeder would probably end up kicking _your_ ass." Linus looked seriously offended, his olive green eyes shining with hurt.

" _ **Hmph!"**_ Linus crossed his arms, " _I doubt that_. I work out more than him."

"Maybe, maybe not. But you're not the one with the punching bag in your room. Plus, hockey builds more strength than running," Charlie lightly replied as he remembered all the times Schroeder took his anger out on that poor punching bag or the other hockey team's players. Linus' face twisted up into a sharp glare. " _What_? Have you _seen_ Schroeder angry? ** _He's terrifying_**." Linus looked down and sighed.

"I miss the _old_ Schroeder," Linus muttered. Charlie was flabbergasted. What?

"What do you mean by that?"

"You know. How he was before, his dad disappeared." Linus said scratching the back of his head. Charlie just stared wide-eyed at him, no one talked about that. Sadly, Linus was right. Schroeder had changed after his dad walked out.

"You would've changed too if that happened to you."

" _Really?_ My dad's never home anyway," Linus sneered, and Charlie flinched. He'd forgotten how much Linus' parents weren't home. Linus let out a calming breath then continued, "I just miss the Schroeder didn't have so many issues, wasn't gay, _or dating the_ _ **fucking**_ _quarterback._ He's a dumbass not to mention the fact that he **_punched_** me the other day! _I wish he would just swallow up his own goddamned emotions for five minutes and think about other people!"_ Linus sounded so cruel, and it actually pissed Charlie Brown off _. Something_ that was truly hard to do.

"When did you become _so bitter_? Schroeder punched you because of what _you_ did to _me_. Not to mention, _when has Schroeder_ _ **ever**_ _put himself out there?_ He's spent a good part of his life locked up in his room, or drowning himself in music, or beating it out on the ice or his punching bag! _You should be happy for him! He's_ _ **NEVER**_ _put himself first!"_ Charlie Brown yelled, actually yelled. That was out of character for him by a long shot, and that showed on Linus' face. People on the bus started to notice the commotion. Charlie felt their eyes burning into his skull, but he wasn't going to give ground.

" _ **What the fuck**_ _Charlie Brown!? Since when do you_ _ **care**_ _so much? You should be on my side not to mention Lucy's!_ " Linus screamed right back. Charlie Brown felt the tears forming in his eyes. Emotions were not something he dealt with well at all, especially emotions this raw.

" ** _OH_** **! So that's what this is about!"** Charlie Brown stood up, " _You're just pissed off because Lucy is dating Jackson!_ " Linus flinched, so he was right. _Selfish asshole_. " _ **You know what! Fuck you! Schroeder told me even though he has absolutely no feelings for Lucy he was probably going to date her to make her happy! But according to you, he's just a selfish prick who never thinks of anyone but himself!**_ " The tears had started running freely down his face. Why was he so upset? He never gets this angry. This fight was going to regress to blows at this rate. Linus stood up and opened his mouth to scream again.

" _ **BOYS**_ _ **!"**_ The bus driver screamed and the bus stopped suddenly. Both boys tumbled around. The bus driver must have had enough because she was out of her seat. " **Linus come sit here!"** She pointed to the empty seat next to Rerun, **"Charlie Brown sit down!"** Linus walked away and shot daggers at Charlie the whole way. This was bad, they had just made up too.

The rest of the bus ride was strained. No one talked above a whisper and Charlie knew they were talking about him. It was terrible. He'd never been happier to see his house in his life. He practically ran off of the bus, but he didn't go fast enough to miss Linus' sharp glare. _**Great**_ _! How long was this going to take to sort out?_

Charlie was fighting the tears as he walked down the steps to his house. He paused briefly before the house and tossed a wistfully look out to the old, faded red dog house. Letting out a sigh, Charlie opened the door and walked past the threshold. Sally, a step behind him, until she tapped on his shoulder.

"Charlie, _big brother?_ What happened? Are you okay?" He turned around to see a look so soft and compassionate. She looked a little out of character. He felt the tears about to give way. Then he reconsidered being upset, Linus was completely in the wrong. He was angry, not sad.

"Me and Linus got into a fight, and I'm completely fine. He's been a **little bitch** recently," Charlie bit out. Sally blinked her eyes slowly as if she really didn't understand what he had just said.

"Well, I guess so. You do seem angry," She said looking down. She was acting different, something was up. Heaven forbid he ask, she'd flip out on him. Not to mention it wasn't his place.

"I was, still kinda am," He shrugged, "I'm going to my room now. _See you later!"_ He said with a little too much fake brightness. She didn't say anything, just looked at him with her big, blue, and hurt eyes. He just ran, like he did with all his problems. He snorted, he wasn't the only one who runs from their problems. Linus does it in the figurative and literal sense.

Charlie made it to his room and slammed the door and locked it behind him and he slid to the floor burying his face into his arms. This is the shit that drove him to cut. The raw, unstoppable emotions and the feeling of complete and _utter uselessness_. He couldn't handle it, he couldn't cope. He got up and headed to his bedside table and pulled out the drawer. Looking at the books that hid his darkest, kind of secret lay there. He pulled out the razor blade and began to play with it. He hated this stupid thing, his Dad had given it to him as bribery, not as an actual gift.

Charlie rolled his left sleeve up. That fucking barber shop, the fucking bright colors of something his Dad was always _shoving_ down his throat. _Fucking_ Linus and his emotional impairments. The fact that Charlie cared way _too_ much. Emotion flared and so did the pain, and by the time he calmed down, there were three new cuts on his wrist. He just stared at the blood pooling and streaking down his arm. He let it bleed for a couple minutes before he pulled out his cleaning kit and took care of the new features marring his skin. He hadn't cut in over a week, but here he is relapsing back into it, again. After everything was taken care of he pulled out his iPhone and put his headphones and in and started reading on that book he wanted to finish.

Charlie was in peace for about two hours until he heard someone banging on his door. He jerked out his headphones and locked his phone. He got up and unlocked his door and on the other side was Samuel Brown. He had a stupidly big grin on, and that only meant trouble...

" _Hey, Charlie!_ **God** , you need a haircut, _but I have some exciting news!_ Debra is going to be gone this weekend, and I can't find a replacement for her!" His dad was way too happy about this and Charlie knew why. He had just been volunteered to be Brown's Barbers front desk manager this weekend. **_Fuck_**. He ran his hand through his too long hair, but in all honesty, his hair was probably a little too long considering when he didn't have gel in it fell, messily past his ears. Long hair meant freedom for Charlie Brown because he finally told his dad no to the constant buzz cuts when he was 13.

"Does this mean I get to work the shop this weekend?" Charlie said faking a smile.

" **Yes!"** His dad did a little dance.

"Well as long as I'm just doing desk work."

"What? _Why?_ You used to love helping wash hair!" His dad was distressed, but that was nothing new. He was a drama king, this is where Sally gets her drama from. Mom was mellow like Charlie.

"You know how I feel about barber shop work," He was on autopilot, they had this conversation too many times.

"But I need someone to take over the shop! It _has_ to be you!"

"No, it _doesn't_!" Charlie ran his hand down his face, "You know that I want to coach baseball! I do not want to be a barber!"

"Charlie. _You are impossible_ ," His dad muttered as he mimicked Charlie's gesture of running his hand down his face.

"Pot calling the kettle black," Charlie sneered as he pushed past his dad. He'd had enough of this conversation. Considering that they've had it a hundred times at least. He just wasn't in the mood. He pulled out his phone checking the time and completely ignored whatever his dad was saying. It was almost six, that should be good.

"Charlie! Where are you going?" His dad called out giving up on the barber conversation for now.

"Schroeder's."

"Okay. _Fine_. You are going to work this weekend, though, right?" His dad asked lightly.

"Yes, _Dad_. I will." That ended that conversation as Charlie headed out the front door. He was grumbling under his breath as he walked the short distance to Schroeder's. His dad was infuriating, but Charlie really did love him. He was just really eccentric and persistent. His worst fault was constantly demeaning Charlie's one dream of becoming a baseball coach and a teacher. His dad said it was a waste of time, Charlie strongly disagreed. He killed that train of thought as he arrived at Schroeder's house. He knocked on the door and a moment or two later Amelia answered the door. She's home early.

"Hello, Charlie Brown. Come in for a minute," She smiled, but she looked tired. More so than normal.

"Hey, Miss. Amelia. How are you today?"

"I'm okay," She answered as she shut the door behind her, "Schroeder's asleep." Charlie paused and looked at her.

" _Asleep?_ It only like six thirty, is he okay?" Charlie asked concern seeping into being.

"He's okay now. I guess," Amelia nibbled on her nails a habit so juvenile for someone her age, "He had a panic attack today at school. He gave me the rundown of what happened, but not much else. A senior brought him home from school." **_Oh, no._** Schroeder hadn't had a flare in up in a while he wondered what happened.

" **Oh**. That's awful. Do you mind if I go see him?"

"Sure. Will you take some medicine up to him for me? Tell him to take it about an hour."

"Sure thing, Miss Amelia," Charlie followed her as he gave him a bottle of water and a white pill. He thanked her and headed up the stairs. He opened Schroeder's door, and he was asleep. Charlie debated on how to wake him up, he didn't want to get punched. He decided on flashing the light on and off.

" _What do you want Momma?_ You're the one that insisted I take a nap," Schroeder muttered pulling the blankets over his face. Charlie chuckled.

"But _sweetie_! **YOUR PILLS**!" Charlie said in an over exaggerated fake women voice. Schroeder shot up straight in bed and shot a glare in his direction.

" _ **Damn CB**_ _. What the frick?"_ Schroeder said.

" _ **The pills!"**_ Charlie said exasperated as if it explained everything.

"Turn off the light and bring me meh pills," Schroeder said smiling. Charlie obeyed, and as he walked closer, he noticed Schroeder looked like complete shit. His eyes were red and puffy, and he looked exhausted. Schroeder scooted over, and Charlie took a seat next to him on the bed. He put the bottle of water and the pill on the nightstand.

"Your mom said to take it in about an hour. Now you need to tell me what the hell happened to you," Charlie asked softly. Then the heated conversation Linus and he had returned to his mind with a renewed force. This made Linus even more of ass. Schroeder deflated and let out a sigh.

"I had a panic attack," Schroeder said as he looked off into the distance.

"What happened to cause it?" Charlie asked as he placed a reassuring hand on Schroeder's shoulder. Schroeder jumped and glanced at the hand and then looked Charlie in the face.

"Joe and his posse of bullies."

" _Huh?_ I thought they were scared of you since that time you slapped Joe with a hockey stick in middle school," Charlie asked as serious as he could. Schroeder chuckled, probably recalling the memory.

"I thought so too, but today they targeted me. _It was crazy_ , and I really could've walked away or scared them off, but I didn't. _I engaged them_ , kinda. It was really weird and terrible," Schroeder paused and fidgeted for a moment, "I should start from the beginning. Okay, so I was walking to the band room, and I heard someone wolf whistle at me. I had already noticed Joe and his goons, so I knew it was one of them. I turned around, and they started attacking me about my **_publicly unknown sexuality_**. I was fine until and it was almost entertaining when Joe knocked my books out of hand. It was when he pushed me a couple times, and they cornered me when I lost it. Mr. Hayden was the one who pulled me out of it." Schroeder finished in a rush, he looked really upset, but at the same time, he just looked **done**. Charlie had to process what was going on. He was attacked and pulled because they thought he was gay. He was, but that wasn't common knowledge, not yet at least.

"Oh, that's _awful_ ," Charlie said the best he could do. He sucked at comfort, but it was enough for Schroeder who smiled at him and then sighed again.

" _Apparently, you could hear me screaming from all the way on the other side if the gym."_

"Oh damn. _That sucks._ I hope it doesn't get around. You don't need that crap," Charlie sighed, "I suck at this comforting thing." Schroeder smiled.

"Verbally, yes, but you care, and that's what matters. You being here makes me feel better," Schroeder paused, "Why are you here?"

"Avoiding my dad while he's on one of his barber shop raves. I have to work this weekend. Plus, I needed to talk to you about Linus." Charlie said awkwardly, all of the subjects he just mentioned, were raw with Schroeder.

"Well that's normal with your dad, but what about Linus?" Schroeder said while rubbing his eyes. He probably thought Charlie was here to lecture him into forgiveness. That was not the case.

"He's a _prick_."

" _Yes_?" Schroeder's face was flat lined.

"We got into a fight today on the bus, and I got super pissed and screamed at him. The fight was about you, _actually_." Schroeder raised an eyebrow, he looked perturbed. "He deserved it, he kept slamming your life decisions. He even had the nerve to, _uh_ , bring up unreasonable topics. I just got _so pissed_. It was his fault we fought, not mine. Plus, to tell you the truth I think he deserved that punch." Schroeder chortled.

"Well, that's different. So how long do you think this fights going to last?"

"Until he apologizes to me, last time that was a week."

"Okay, then," Schroeder said as he yawned. Charlie remembered suddenly what Amelia had said.

"Hey, Schroed. Your mom said a senior brought you home. Was that Alex?" Charlie asked into the comfortable silence.

"Yeah, he ditched practice to bring me home. Mom came home and ran into him. _He was just the good Samaritan_ ," Schroeder said in that voice that he only got when he talked about three things, music, hockey, and Alex.

"Why don't you tell your mom your gay? I don't feel liked she'd care, you guys are _so close,_ " Charlie asked the question that had been bugging him for a while now. Schroeder stiffened and looked annoyed.

"I have my reasons," Was his quite response.

"Well _, I still feel like you should tell her._ It's only fair," Charlie huffed.

" **I have my reasons** ," Schroeder bit out harshly this time. Charlie blanched, what the hell?

"Are they _good_ reasons? I _know_ she won't care." Charlie said crossing his arms, Schroeder's face turned a little red as it twisted up in rage. **_Oh, no_** Charlie knew that face. That was his blow up face.

" ** _SHE WILL!"_** Schroeder shouted, there it was, but Charlie still flinched. Schroeder looked like his heart was shattering. This wasn't adding up.

" **Really?** _Your mother will care that you like guys?_ _ **Why's that?**_ She not religious by any stretch of the imagination," Charlie said grabbing Schroeder's shoulder, forcing him to look at him. He looked like he was going to cry. _"Oh?"_

" _ **You don't understand,**_ _it has nothing to do with religion. It is something_ _ **a lot**_ _worse!"_ Schroeder growled jerking out of Charlie's grip. His eyes were shiny, and his face red, " _ **SHE**_ _won't understand_!"

"Tell **_me_** then. _ **I**_ _want to understand_ ," Charlie cooed as he let his hand fall into his lap. Schroeder's unshed tears slipped out and slid down his cheeks. He looked torn, this must be something _awful_.

" _Promise you won't say anything_ ," Schroeder said, his tone pleading the effect increased by the tears. Charlie nodded. " _You_ _ **really**_ _can't say anything_. My mom won't believe I'm really gay _because_." He let out a choked sob and covered his mouth, he pulled it back after smearing his tears around, _"She'd think I'm just_ _ **confused**_ _and that it's not_ _ **my**_ _fault!"_ Schroeder hissed out through his tears. Charlie was shelled shocked by the sudden outburst of tears and negative words.

"Why would _she_ say that?" Charlie asked as he grabbed his friend's hand. Schroeder started and looked at Charlie's hand holding his own. He looked up and gave a small, broken smile. His face was red and smeared with tears and a little bit of snot. Then the smile quickly faltered, and his head fell forward, and he looked at his lap. Charlie felt fear shoot through his whole being, seeing Schroeder like this was horrendous. This situation was horrendous. Schroeder wiped at his nose and sobbed aloud. Schroeder's ears were red, but Charlie knew it was from shame. Schroeder looked so small and broken. He didn't look up when he finally answered Charlie's question.

_"My father molested me for years."_


	21. The Truth Never Known

There was a _silence_ that followed Schroeder's words, but that was to be expected. Schroeder himself couldn't believe he had just told that secret to his best friend. His face was hot from the shame, the tears, and the reality. The dam broke and all the emotions, the memories that he had stored away for _so long_. The worst thing he felt was the consuming rage. Charlie Brown reached for him, and Schroeder _flinched_ , he was so inside his head, the flashes of black hair, dark skin, and _pain_. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He was just somewhere else somewhere so much worse. That was the thing about shoving emotions and memories inside a glass bottle. _That bottle will eventually break._ Schroeder's safety net from all those memories he'd long hidden from even himself shattered like that bottle.

" _Schroeder_ ," Charlie Brown cooed as he splashed water onto Schroeder's face, " _Breathe_ , it's okay it's just _good ol' Charlie Brown_ , you're fine. I _promise_." Schroeder sputtered like he was drowning and then blinked feeling more tears being pushed from his eyes. His vision cleared as he focused on ash blonde hair. Reality slammed back to him. He just had another panic attack, _fuck_. He just told Charlie his darkest secret, **_fuck!_**

" _ **Oh God**_ ," Schroeder said pulling at his hair. He couldn't even mention his dad without losing his fraying hold on his sanity. Schroeder _hated the fucker_. He hated that he had _hurt_ him, _scarred_ him and that he still had any _power_ over him.

" _Schroeder?_ Are you okay enough to tell me what you're talking about?" CB asked in that calming voice of his. The one that Schroeder had said would help make him an excellent teacher. He knew it was time to tell someone other than that therapist. Schroeder didn't trust anyone more than he did Charlie Brown, but he couldn't tell him. He couldn't _even_ let CB _begin_ to imagine the terrible things Schroeder had to have live through. Charlie had seen enough on his _own_ , and he didn't need Schroeder's sob story burdening him.

"Yeah, as I'll ever be," Schroeder paused and sighed, "Sorry, I shouldn't have dumped this on you, it is just my problem and…" The look that he got from Charlie shut him up quick, it was a mix of surprise, hurt, and utter disbelief. _He looked like he was going to cry._

" _Really?"_ That was what CB whispered, and then tears started to fall from his eyes. He did something Schroeder hadn't seen him do in _years_. He began to take off his hoodie. It was one of the most meaningful things Schroeder had ever seen, Charlie struggling out of that hoodie. He handed Schroeder his hoodie, the inside of his arms facing upwards.

Schroeder took the hoodie from him, biting his lip as he seen the scars went all the way up to _Charlie's armpits_. He was even wearing a yellow t-shirt, "I've trusted you with _everything_ I've hidden from the whole world, **_please_** , trust me enough to tell me what happened. _I care about you_ , nothing you can say will burden me or make me think less of you. It's impossible. _You're my best friend_." Schroeder bit his lip again, holding back a sob. He squeezed CB's hoodie in his hands and knew it was the time he told someone. He looked at Charlie's scars and knew everything was going to be okay.

"My father molested me for years," Schroeder whispered again, cementing the statement. Charlie waited quietly for Schroeder to continue, so he did, "It all started when I was eight-ish. Everything was still the same, _until Mom got her new job_ ," The memory of that day was just behind his eyes, "Then all the sudden she was _gone all the time_. It was a difficult transition. Erik was grouchy all the time and grumbled about being _lonely,_ _all the time_. He still had his job but didn't work anywhere near as often as she did. Then one day..." He paused. The terrible memory assaulting him, and Schroeder wiped at his face trying to make it through this. Charlie just gave him a broken sympathetic smile.

" _What happened?"_ CB questioned urging the continuation of the story. Schroeder shook his head forcing the pain away. He needed to be strong. _It had been over_ _ **seven years ago.**_

" _Okay._ Dad was complaining about Mom not being home, **again**. Then I decided I needed to open my **_big mouth_** , and I said to him, ' _Dad, Mom's not home, but I am. Why don't you spend time with me?'_ **Worst mistake of my life.** ** _Oh,_** _he spent time with me alright_ , **just like how a** ** _married man_** **would spend with his** ** _wife_** **!** I was eight years old when my father **_raped_** me for the first time. _Who does that CB?"_ Schroeder fingers were digging into the fabric of CB's hoodie. Angry tears pouring down his cheeks.

Schroeder was shaking, fury coursing through his veins. Images of how his father walked up grabbed his arm and dragged him into that master bedroom. Schroeder curiously asking what they were going to do, his father _chuckling_ never answering the question. Schroeder assumed they were going to play a game. Maybe hide and seek? _**Oh**_ _, how wrong he was!_ Schroeder was mostly okay when his father started to remove his clothes, but it when his dad began to take off clothes, that was when Schroeder began to feel uncomfortable. To make things worse after everything was said and done his father _tended_ to him. Gave him a bath, took care of the bloody mess, and sent him to his room. Schroeder just cried a lot. He couldn't _even sit_ down on his piano bench, so he laid on the floor and willed the pain to go away.

"I don't know what to say, Schroeder," Charlie looked awful, his face was red, snot and tears flowed down his face, but his eyes were so big and caring. There was no judgment in those brown eyes. " _Anything else you have to say?"_ Schroeder snorted, he had four years of abuse to catalog.

"It happened like that for _four years._ _ **Four years**_ _, Charlie Brown_... Usually, it was only once a week sometimes _more_ , sometimes _less_. I was _so angry_ all the time," A memory not related to his father flashed through his mind, not any less awful, but still a subject change. "Remember that time when I was ten when I punched Lucy in the face?" Charlie snorted in shock, which caused him to start choking on his snot. Schroeder couldn't help but laugh as he reached over and whacked him on the back a couple of times. They quickly calmed down after Charlie could breathe again.

"Yeah, I remember, We had just finished playing a game of baseball, that we had won, Lucy went over to you and gave you a hug and she wouldn't _... Let go… and… you_ _ **punched**_ _her…You screamed at her... and ran away_ " Charlie said slowing his speech down like he had a fat lip. You could see the puzzle pieces falling into place.

"Yeah. Lucy gave me a hug. A hug that was _way too low on my waist_. I asked her to let go a couple of times and she _just wouldn't_. I felt _helpless_ for a moment, and then I realized I could _overpower_ her. I could _make_ her stop. ** _So I punched her in the face._** Seeing her fall made me feel _like I wasn't powerless_ , It made me _happy_ for a moment. I had felt helpless for a long time and in that moment I wasn't. Then she started crying then I realized I was a _monster_ **_just like my father_**. I ran."

"I remember that Mr. and Mrs. Van Pelt went to your house, and there was a _big_ fight over it."

"I cried a lot and said I was sorry _at least_ a million times. I had explained that I didn't like how she would never respect anything I ever asked of her. My mom had Lucy banned from the house for around three months," Schroeder stated. Charlie might not understand the significance if that event, but it changed him forever. It was the moment Schroeder decided he would never abuse people, or let people be abused. Schroeder tried his hardest to live for that. He's only slipped up and couple times, usually while playing hockey. Hockey always brought out the _absolute_ worst in him.

" _So_ ," Charlie said, rubbing the back of his head. Those scars, so many of them. Okay, subject change, "I don't know if this pushing it or anything but I have a question." Thank you, CB.

"Go ahead."

"Well, _umm_ , okay. Was it the sexual abuse what caused your parents to get divorced?" Charlie asked, acting like he was kicking a puppy. That was an easy question to answer.

"Yes, **definitely**. My parents were madly in love until the moment my mother found out what my father had been doing to me," Schroeder sneered, "She did find out in the worst possible way."

"Oh. She _umm_... _Did she?"_ Charlie stuttered.

" _Yeah_. Mom came home from work early one day, I was twelve at that time, and went to go put her stuff down in the bedroom and found my dad _assaulting_ me. It was one of the worst and best days of my life. I was _mortified_ , _she was never supposed to know._ That had been ground into my head since the first time four years before. I remember very little of that time if I'm telling the truth. I remember the screaming, my mom taking me away. _That was the last time I saw my dad._ We went and lived with my grandparents for a couple of weeks. I didn't go to school the whole time. There was a man who visited in a suit a lot. He was later known to me as my mother's divorce lawyer. Then I had to see a therapist, and she was friendly enough. She is one of the only people who knows the full extent of the abuse. I haven't even told my mother as much as I told Dr. Bredonal. I still see her occasionally," Schroeder paused. "Ya know for my _PTSD_." He honestly wanted to take a break from talking. The emotional turmoil of the conversation was pretty much gone. Charlie was still sniffing, but his tears were dried up. Schroeder felt completely drained, he just wanted to sleep.

"I remember those couple weeks you were gone. This one time, I was taking Snoopy for a walk during that period, and ** _I saw Erik throw a chair out the front door,_** and it shattered. He cussed the whole time too. That was the last time I saw him too. _**Fuck**_ , _I really hate him now,_ _**oh my god!**_ To a kid, he always seemed _so cool_. He looked like he was right out of a spy movie!" Charlie spat, he was shaking.

"I always looked up to him, until I was around nine. I always hoped that I would look like him. Now I wish I looked like neither of my parents. Poor me, I look like a happy combination of the two, but mostly like my mom. You know what kills me the most?"

"What's that?"

" _Every time I look in the mirror I see my father's eyes staring back at me."_

" _Damn_... How do you respond to something like that?" CB said as he rubbed at his scars. "Now that you've told me what happened to you, I can't believe _I never noticed_. All the _bruises_ and how you _hated_ to be _touched_. The limping. How did we not notice?" He looked pissed, and he ran a hand through his hair. He was still shaking as he wrung his hands together.

"CB, _we were kids._ We weren't supposed to know what _sex_ was or how to spot abuse. All those bruises just like I told everyone else were from playing rough things like baseball and hockey, even though they weren't. Everyone believed me because they had no reason not to." Schroeder explained as he looked down at Charlie's hoodie again. He didn't want CB to blame himself or anyone else for that matter. The only person at fault was **Erik Fennon**. Charlie ran a hand through his hair.

" _How did our parents not notice?"_ Charlie muttered, and Schroeder slumped over. He'd asked himself that question many times. He knew the answer, he hid it well. So well, in fact, his mother never even noticed, the most important person in his life.

" _I didn't want them to, so they didn't._ Remember everything is supposed to be _perfect_ and unless someone has a reason to think differently they don't. I never gave anyone _that reason_ ," Schroeder reached out and grabbed Charlie's shoulder's and shook him playfully. Schroeder couldn't deal with this gloomy atmosphere any longer, " **Hey! Look on the bright side everything worked out in the end!** Momma found out and now my dad can never hurt me again. Plus, that was almost three years ago, I'm getting better and will continue to do so. Sure, the trauma is always going to be there, and I'm always going to have PTSD, but there are worse things." Schroeder had survived this long on optimism, he wasn't going to stop now. The tension from the conversation was mostly dispelled when Schroeder waved his arms around wildly to prove his point. CB raised an eyebrow and then smirked and shook his head. He had the look of someone who had seen it all.

" _Schroeder Fennon._ You look and sound like someone who needs _sleep_. Plus it's about time for you take **_your pills_** ," Charlie chuckled and reached for the bottle and medicine on the nightstand. Schroeder grabbed them, chugging a lot more water than necessary. Schroeder confirmed CB's statement by yawning.

"You wanna see if you can stay the night?" Schroeder suggested as he handed Charlie his hoodie back.

"That sounds like a very good idea. I'll call my parents and proceed to use bribery. Then if they agree, which they will, we need to go to my house and get my stuff." CB smirked.

" _Sounds fantastic,"_ Schroeder paused and just as Charlie pulled out his phone that Schroeder reached out and grabbed CB's wrist halting his efforts. CB's eyes widened, and he looked up, question showing in all his features. " _Hey_ , I know this has been _a lot_ to take in, but please don't treat me like I'm a china doll now, _okay?_ I'm still the same as I always was." There it was the only thing Schroeder really cared about.

" _Of course, Schroed. You're anything_ _ **but**_ ," He chuckled, "Honestly the idea of you _ever_ being _breakable_ has become even more unimaginable. **Man** , I've seen you play hockey, _you won't_... **_can't break_**. Plus, like you said before it has been three years all I can do for you now is to help you heal." Ah, good ol' Charlie Brown. _What would Schroeder do without him?_

" _You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown,"_ Schroeder drew out, smirk clear on his face. Just as expected, Charlie slapped him in the face with his hoodie.

"Why can't that joke just _die_!" Charlie covered his face, but not before Schroeder seen him roll his eyes.

"Because it is Sparkyville's best-running joke."

"I know, but it doesn't mean I don't want it to _die_ ," Charlie said as he dialed his parents. He rolled off the bed and went to have his conversation elsewhere. He was pulling on his hoodie at the same time. He looked like a complete buffoon.

Schroeder looked down at his hand and seen that his hands were shaking. He sighed and placed the bottle back onto his nightstand. _He hasn't been this exhausted in years, but could you blame him?_ He'd had two panic attacks, had the Alex thing with his mom, and told Charlie the story about his dad, There was only so much a person could handle in one day, and Schroeder _had far surpassed that limit_. He laid back down on the bed, and his eyes were heavy, and they _hurt_. He rubbed at them with the palm of his hands and yawned again.

"Hey, Schoed? Dad and Miss Amelia said it was okay that I stay," Charlie rattled off as he waved his phone around. Then his gaze settled on Schroeder, "You stay here while I go get my stuff. I'll be right back."

"Okay see you in a few minutes," Schroeder muttered. It wasn't five minutes later, and he was fast asleep. He barely registered when Charlie returned a little while later. Schroeder remembered hearing the piano. Schroeder remembered that it was nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay that was all the edited chapters!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @stujet9


	22. Rumors

Linus wasn't one to listen to idle gossip, but today it caught his attention. Class hadn't even started yet and the whispers started as soon as the teenagers were together. It might have been the sheer amount of it, the bitter mood he was in, or the mentions of Schroeder. Either way, he here was leaning his ears into the direction of the group of girls to his left.

" _Yeah!_ I know, _right?"_ One of the girls giggled. Linus ground his teeth. Had he missed what he wanted to hear?

"I couldn't believe it either, but it certainly _seems_ that way!" Another of the girls gushed. Another snorted in disbelief. Linus glanced and noticed it was Frieda. All the girls visibly paled.

 **"I don't believe it!"** Frieda crossed her arms, **"I** ** _won't_** **believe it!"** Linus had to hold back a chuckle. She looked ridiculous with her bottom lip sticking out and arms crossed across below her breasts. Her attitude barely fit into her slightly chubby figure.

 _"But Frieda!_ You've heard the rumors!" The girl who had spoken first drew out. Frieda's frown deepened, and her pouting increased.

"That the _thing_! They're _just_ rumors!" Frieda waved her hands around dramatically, "Schroeder _can't_ be gay!" Linus actually snorted out loud, and them the attention of all five of the girls turned towards him. His face turned a little red. "What's so funny, _**Linus**_?" He couldn't help but laugh again. Frieda was one that was hard to take seriously. Everything she did was so over the top and dramatic. That part of her had only gotten worse as she got older.

"Well, I just happened to overhear what you guys were saying about Schroeder. And it caught me as funny," Linus sad shrugging leaning his chair back onto two legs.

"And why's that?" Girl number two asked. Linus' face twisted up in confusion. What story was he going to go with? Was he going to tell them because Schroeder was _actually_ gay? Was he going to cover for Schroeder? He really wanted to get back at Schroeder. _That was for sure_. Linus still had a bruise from the punch he received five days ago. Then the perfect idea hit him. He grinned cheekily at the girls. He was going to add _so much_ fuel to the _wrong_ fire.

"Because Schroeder never caught me as the gay type, because be definitely _isn't_ gay. That's for sure. He's an _undying ladies man_ ," Linus sighed. The girls seemed very interested in what he was saying. Schroeder has always been popular among the girls. Too bad for them it seemed. Linus felt evil and rightly so. Frieda snorted again.

 _"_ _ **Really?**_ _A ladies man?_ That's a _hoot_! Schroeder never talks to girls and declines all of them!" Frieda flung her hair over her right shoulder. Linus' made his eyes soften like he really meant what he was saying.

"Well, that's cause Schroeder's actually shy and _super_ awkward. He might try to act like he's not interested but he just loves the attention. You know the hard to get and all? If he gives in he loses the attention," Linus had to pause to make sure he didn't start laughing. He was lying through his teeth. This conversation had two outcomes, and both were _hilarious_. "He's been kind down recently since Lucy started dating Jackson. I bet _he's lonely_." The girls either gasped or giggled, but Frieda, true to her nature, snorted.

"Really? What about _Alex_ then? They look joined at the hip," Frieda flipped her hair again, "And we **ALL** know Alex is gay." The girls nodded. Linus had to think for a moment. How could he throw a wrench into this? _**Aha!**_ He had to let out a chuckle.

"You guys are looking into to this _way too much._ Alex and Schroeder are like training partners. Like Alex is Schroeder's mentor kinda thing." Linus said as he let his chair fall forward. The girls were eating his words up like candy. _They believed him._ Hopefully, this was going to throw that wrench into Schroeder's revised life. The girls gushed and giggled. Frieda just smirked before she opened her mouth again.

"That _actually_ makes sense," she popped her gum, and her smiled widened, "I'm gonna have _fun_ with this since Lucy's outta the way. _Right_ , _girls_?" They all continued to gush. Linus was smiling, this was going to be entertaining. The bell rang, and everyone went to their seats and waited for the teacher. Linus felt someone tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Cole. Cole was the guy he met on the first day of school who said he was going to beat him in a race. Linus quickly realized he wasn't that much competition, but he became a good friend. Linus enjoyed Cole's company since most of his friends were older.

" _What are you doing? I know that was all_ _ **bullshit**_ _!"_ Cole complained. Linus smiled while looking at him upside down, leaning his chair back again. Cole looked pretty upset for catching Linus gossiping.

" _What_? Am I not allowed to shit stir?"

"You just told a gaggle of giggling girls to go shower someone with affection! Someone who clearly doesn't want it! That kinda makes you asshole," Cole hissed and then grumbled under his breath. He didn't get the genius of it, it seemed. Linus kept smiling. Time for more rumors.

"Well, maybe if he wasn't being such a _dick_. I wouldn't be spreading faulty information. He's being selfish and it _pisses me off,"_ Linus sat back up in his seat as the teacher entered. Cole chewed on his lip and looked torn. That wasn't a look Linus had seen on Cole before.

"You don't know what happened to Schroeder yesterday, _do you?"_ Cole finally whispered. Linus raised an eyebrow, all he knew happened to Schroeder was that Charlie had spent the night at his house. He found that out when they had gotten on the bus together. Schroeder sat in the seat he shared with Alex and Charlie had gone and sat with Lucy. Linus overheard the conversation between Lucy and Charlie and heard that Charlie had stayed at Schroeder's. Linus figured that wasn't it though.

"I don't think so? What was it and why should I care?" Linus whispered back as the teacher started to call the roll. Cole glanced around nervously again. He opened his mouth, but just as he did, the teacher called his name.

"Here!" Cole sat up straight and raised his hand, then went back to leaning towards Linus, "I thought you guys were friends?" Linus rolled his eyes.

" _'_ _Were'_ being the key word here," Linus snorted, then the teacher called his name, "Here!... _What happened?"_ Cole scratched the back of his head and leaned in closer.

"Well, he had a panic attack near the gym," Linus blinked a couple of times, processing the information. Cole continued, "I've heard it was _really bad_ it and that it lasted like _ten minutes_ before Mr. Haylen was finally able to calm him down." Linus frowned. That did sound pretty awful, but Linus has seen several of Schroeder's panic attacks. Though they usually didn't last that long. Linus wondered what could have caused the flare up, but why Cole cared so much was a more pressing question.

"That's sucks, but those are normal for him. Do you know what caused it?" Linus inquired. Cole shrugged.

 _"I heard that Joe hit him,_ " Cole whispered. Now _that_ didn't sound right. Joe been scared of Schroeder since the  hockey incident.

 **"What?"** Linus said a little louder than he should have.

" _Linus!_ Anything interesting you need to share with the class?" The teacher called out. Everybody in the class turned towards Linus, and his face turned red.

"No ma'am. I don't, I'm sorry." That ended the chance for any more conversation as Linus sunk into his desk. Great.

The rest of class went by pretty quietly, except for the occasional giggle to his left. Those girls were never going to quit, but Linus couldn't wait to see what havoc they were going to wreak. Frieda especially considering she was a spitfire. He didn't have to wait two seconds after the end of class before she was gone like a lighting bolt. He actually had to make an effort to keep up with her without being _obvious_.

Frieda found Schroeder easily and walked right up to him. Schroeder didn't look like he had an escape route. The pair was _very_ noticeable. Apart the two were _striking_ , together they _commanded attention_. Schroeder with his yellow blonde curly hair, dark purple t-shirt shirt, bright blue eyes, and his lanky almost six feet tall body. Frieda with her fiery red curly hair, big freckles, bright green sweater, black skirt, shiny green eyes, and the full well-endowed figure of not quite five feet tall. She knew she was attractive and you could tell. She intruded on Schroeder's personal space. She bounced on her toes with her hands clasped behind her back. It would be hard not to notice the way Schroeder seemed _very uncomfortable_ , but for someone who didn't know any better would probably say he looked _flustered_.

Linus smiled as he turned his back on the scene and headed to his next class. He briefly looked for Cole, since they hadn't been able to finish their conversation. Instead, Linus found someone else who was hard to miss. A tall, tan figure was scowling at the display in front of him. _Alex couldn't be missed._ Linus didn't miss the way Alex quickly turned around and vacated the area. Linus also didn't miss the look of distraught written on the senior's face.

Linus smiled as he watched the back of Alex's orange shirt disappear around the corner. It took less than two hours for Linus' plan to fall into motion. After not being able to find Cole he headed to his next class. That devilish smile plastered on his face.

"You have _that_ look," Linus jumped as Sally Brown spoke from behind him. He turned around and smiled innocently at her as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"What _look?"_ Linus asked innocently. Sally raised her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side.

"The look you get when you're up to no good," She said as she walked past him into their next class.

"What? _Me?_ I can do no wrong!" He chuckled walking next to her, faking hurt.

" ** _Mhmm_** , _and my hair is green."_ Linus laughed, a real one this time. They took their seats and Sally continued talking, " _Really._ Linus. What was _that_ look for? You had a grin that could rival  The Grinch's." Linus mimicked that smile and caused Sally to giggle. Then she sobered up and continued to wait for an answer. Linus sighed.

"Just been doing a little bit of gossiping today. Some interesting topics running around." _There_ , that wouldn't count as a lie. Sally looked sad for a moment, but it quickly passed. Linus raised an eyebrow. She was hiding something. There was still a slightly vacant look in her eyes that just wouldn't leave. _Had that always been there?_ No, it hadn't been, it was _definitely_ new. He wondered about it, but he wasn't going to press. They didn't have _that_ kind of relationship anymore. Linus wondered just whose fault that was. His? Her's? Both of them? It didn't matter anymore anyway. That bridge was _long_ burnt. The bell rang, and he thought that ended the conversation, but he didn't miss her whisper.

" _There's always gossip..."_


	23. Never Giving Any Ground

The school day was almost over, and Linus was taking his appointed study time to read a fantasy novel. His mind wasn't really focusing on the Wizards he was reading about. He kept thinking back to the events of the day. He had _definitely_ stirred shit and caused several problems. At first, it seemed like it would only cause his targets annoyance, but it looked like it was turning out a lot worse. He had gotten several nasty looks from Charlie. _Who looked strange mean mugging_. Linus didn't understand how to deal with Charlie being pissed off. It never seemed to happen. He was usually a water off a duck's back kind of guy, but not recently. This was the _second_ conflict within the last month. Linus wanted to patch things up with Charlie, but that meant giving ground to Schroeder and his problems. The sheer idea of doing that made Linus' skin crawl.

Linus mind wandered to the couple of times that he had seen Schroeder throughout the day. The first time was when Frieda had very obviously flirted with him. That situation was entertaining enough. Even with the side effect of Alex seeing the mess. The next time was before fourth period, and Schroeder looked antsy. He had his satchel gripped to his chest and was tapping his fingers, playing his imaginary piano. Not to mention he was glancing around nervously. Linus figured that it was Schroeder's normal anxiety with the added effect of watching out for the newly crazed girls. Then Linus wasn't so sure, not after the most recent encounter with Schroeder. Schroeder's face was a little red, and he was looking down. In his hands was his beloved beanie and it was being twisted and untwisted. _Were his hands shaking?_ He looked devastated and a little cross. _Maybe Linus had gone a bit too far._ He wrinkled his eyebrows, no that was **impossible**. Shaking his head he forced himself to continue reading.

Linus was actually starting to get back into his book as he heard a muffled thud. He looked up to see that Cole had just dropped his bookbag onto the table Linus was occupying.

"Linus, I found you!" Cole announced. Linus chuckled as Cole messily pulled out a chair and plopped down.

"Skipping study?" Linus remarked as Cole took out a folder and started to work on some worksheet.

" _Nah_ , I just wanted somewhere quieter to work. The library works just fine," Cole mumbled. Linus rolled his eyes. Cole was just dead set on being rebellious. It was fun if Linus was being honest with himself. He was so tired of always living by the book. He had always been so concerned with rules and morality. _What had he got for all those years of being a good little boy?_ **Not much.** He cut off his mental rant and turned his attention back to Cole.

" _Sure you were,"_ Linus drew out, "You need something." It wasn't a question. Cole's face twisted up into a Cheshire cat grin. Linus knew he was right with that very obvious indication.

"Yeah. I want you to stop by my house around four. I have something for you." Cole kept smiling that evil smile. Linus immediately became curious. Though Cole might have a habit of being ridiculous, but he was never dull to be around. Linus grinned, but then he realized a fatal flaw in the plan.

"I don't know where you live," Linus replied. Cole face palmed and then dragged his hand down his face. He then waved his hands around like bird wings. _Drama king._

**"Really?** I ride your bus. I mean I always sit with my little brother, but _come on!_ You've never noticed me?" Cole was waving his hands around, "I mean how do you miss my mess of carrot red hair?" Linus frowned feeling embarrassed. _Cole rode his bus?_

"Really? I never really look towards the front of the bus. You get on before or after me?" Linus rubbed the back of his neck.

"After. Along with two others. Oh, my _God_. You are _so_ oblivious!" Cole was snickering into his hand. Linus rolled his eyes.

"I've been told that a lot. So where do live?" Linus asked, not wanting to mess with a guessing game. Cole fiddled with his bangs and rubbed on my face. He then pulled together somber expression.

"What's my last name?" _What kind of question was that?_ Linus shrugged as he recalled the information.

" _Montgomery?"_ Linus drew out. Cole rolled his eyes and gestured for Linus to continue. Then it hit Linus like a train, and he slammed his head into his book. "You're **_Alex's_** **brother?"** He muttered into the pages. He peeked up to see Cole doing jazz hands. They really didn't look much alike. Well, they do seem to have the same amber eyes and skin tone.

" _ **Ding, ding, ding!**_ We have a winner!" Cole's smiled faltered for a moment, but it was quickly back in full force. "I know we don't look that much alike, but _fuck_ we have the same last name. Sometimes I wonder if you're as smart as you say." Cole muttered to himself and went back to the paper he was working on. Ignoring Linus and pretending to be hurt, but his suppressed smirk gave him away. Linus felt guilty as recalled some information that made the fact that Cole and Alex were brothers very apparent. _Self-absorbed much?_

"I really am stupid. Don't know why you'd think I was smart." They stared at each other for a moment then both of them started to laugh. Cole looked like he was going to say something but someone cleared their throat. Both boys froze.

"Need I remind you, _gentlemen_ , that this is a library? Please, quiet it down or I'm going to separate you two," The librarian hissed out as she shuffled her books around. Both boys respected her wishes until she was out of earshot.

"So show up your house around four?" Linus smiled, ready for even more trouble. His regrets from the day forgotten.

"Yeah," Cole grinned and then snuck back to where ever he had ditched from. Linus returned to his wonderful world of wizards until school ended.

When Linus got onto the bus, he made sure to pay extra attention to the Montgomerys' actions. Alex was nowhere to be seen. He was probably at football practice or something. Cole, on the other hand, was sitting next to a boy about the same age as Rerun. Most likely the little brother he had mentioned. The little boy had brown hair like Alex's but had bright blue eyes. That wasn't even the most surprising physical trait. He was pale. Alex and Cole were both pretty tan, but the smaller one's skin was a milky white. _Hmm?_ The young boy was probably a half brother.

Linus sighed as he got off the bus at his house. He still had around twenty minutes before he needed to leave. He walked towards the front door, but he didn't make it. A hard object whacked the back of his head. He narrowed his eyes as he seen the object bounce. _A fucking basketball_. Linus whipped around and noticed his little brother smirking.

"Hey! Linus come play some basketball with me!" Rerun hollered as he ran to retrieve the offending object. Linus narrowed his eyes. He hated basketball and Rerun knew he was the reason. Linus sighed and popped his neck as he turned around.

"No, Rerun you know I really don't like you playing the sport. So I'm not encouraging you." Linus replied flatly. Rerun rolled his eyes and bounced the ball a couple times on the driveway.

"If this about what I think it is. You need to just get over it already," Rerun turned his head and pointed at the angry scar on his left cheek. Linus blanched as Rerun continued, _"It been over a year!_ _ **Grow up."**_ Linus felt his heart sting inside his chest. _How could he be so casual about something that was just so terrible?_ The memories of that event had resurfaced, and Linus was not in the right mentality to deal with them right now.

" _You almost died_ , _**Liam!"**_ Linus cried out. He shook angrily as he ripped the basketball from his little brother's hands. Rage showed upon Rerun's face. Linus wasn't sure if it was from the use of Rerun's real name or the fact that Linus had taken his basketball. Presumably both.

"Well, _I didn't!"_ Rerun reached for basketball, but Linus pulled it away. Rerun angrily crossed his arms, "Plus, you know better than to call me **_Liam_**."

"Well, **_Liam!_** You're only alive because of what I did for you! And you don't care about any of my feelings about the matter. _Sorry_ , I'm not ready to get over the fact that I had to take my profusely bleeding and _almost dead_ little brother to the ER, because of some stupid game of basketball!" Linus was still shaking as he threw the basketball back to Liam "Rerun" Van Pelt.

Linus was removing himself from his situation. Hoping the Cole wouldn't mind his company a little early. He was already heading in the other direction when Rerun started calling for him.

"Linus!" Nope, Linus wasn't going back. He was not subjecting himself to another one of Liam's self-righteous rampages about that fucking scar. " _Linus!"_ Keep walking. That was he kept telling himself as he traveled to Cole's house. Linus only stopped to text Cole that he was on his way.

Cole was fine with the early arrival as he greeted Linus at the front door of a mid-sized town house.

"Hey, Linus!" Cole exclaimed as he pulled Linus past the threshold. He closed the door behind them with extra care not to make any noise. "Okay! So I need to warn you about the dogs, but we shouldn't see much of them inside the gazebo." Linus raised an eyebrow, "They are English Mastiffs, so they are _huge_!"

"Well, I like dogs so that shouldn't be a problem," Linus grinned as he remembered Snoopy. Cole smiled back and whistled and then there was a thunderous sound and then running into the breezeway were two, enormous, brown dogs. They jumped up and were taller than Cole as the dog seemed to hug him. He pushed the dog down and talked to them in... Spanish? They vacated the room, seeming to not have even noticed Linus.

"See? They are huge. _Now let's go!"_ Cole said as he walked back out the front door. Linus followed as the walked to a gated fence. After Cole fiddled with the gate and it opened they walked into a very family centered back yard. There was playground equipment and everything else but Cole was walking to a screened in gazebo.

"What is all this about?" Linus asked as Cole opened the door to the gazebo.

"Something I think you need in your life," Cole replied with another Cheshire cat grin. Linus raised an eyebrow then plopped down in one of the chairs. Cole started to fiddle around a kitchenette, seemingly without an intention.

"And what might _that_ be?" Linus asked as he stretched out in the surprisingly comfortable chair. Cole smiled over his shoulder as popped open a fridge and pulled out a bottle. He displayed it proudly over his head.

_"Whiskey."_

_**"Oh,"**_ Linus thought about it for only a second before he made his mind up, " _Sounds great_."


	24. Boy Drama Sucks

Peppermint Patty had no idea what was wrong with the world anymore. _Everything_ had gone sideways, and she had no idea why or how, for that matter. Her gallery of friends was usually pretty chill, but nothing was chill anymore, everything was topsy-turvy.

It took less than two weeks for Peppermint Patty to lose all understanding of normality. The first day of school was hectic and filled with sulking, so she didn't have a chance to see her friends until day two. Now that was the last _real normal_ day before the beginning of the topsy-turvy. Well, normal except for the gay quarterback flirting with Schroeder. That wasn't _as_ surprising as it could have been, though. She'd always had her suspicions of Schroeder's probable homosexuality. Not that she'd ever say anything, he wasn't the only one in the closet, but that was beside the point. Truly enough the genuine crazy began with Linus, of all people, but that wasn't surprising either. He had always been an egotistical buttfuck. Now, he had taken being an asshole to a **whole new level**. Charlie Brown and he had been fighting like cats and dogs with Schroeder as a rageful side note. She'd never seen CB be so salty. _He wasn't even supposed to be salty!_ Everything was completely changing, and she didn't like it one bit.

Walking through the hallways of this school had never been what Peppermint Patty had wanted them to be. That had gotten worse recently as events would insinuate. She was tired of the mean mugging, tired of everyone being bitter, and tired of _not knowing why!_ She wanted to scream at everyone or at least someone. Innocent bystander or not. She wanted to know **what the fuck**. She wanted to feel important again, maybe even loved again. _Why had everything gone south so quickly?_ She just wanted to know the truth, so that was her mission as she was patrolling the bright and nauseating hallways.

Today she couldn't find the truth, at least not yet. After she had given up on her pursuit of catching one of her friends in the hallway before lunch. So she was now sulking towards the cafeteria. _Wasn't it supposed to be the girls who caused the drama? Well, when was her life_ _ **ever**_ _normal?_

Walking through the doors to the cafeteria, Peppermint Patty walked straight to the table they had claimed as their own. She plopped into her seat between Charlie Brown and Schroeder. It took her a moment to realize that something was very awry. Looking up she noticed that Alex was missing from the table and Schroeder looked thoroughly pissed off. Lucy was acting nervous, and Jackson was also missing. Well, awkward wasn't really her style.

**_"CB!"_** She hollered and grabbed onto CB's arm and shook him. He jumped along with several others at the table, **_"Guess what?!"_**

"What?" Charlie Brown sighed.

**"Marcie is coming up this weekend!"**

"Oh," CB's eyes widened, and he smiled like a goon, "That sounds awesome. I can't wait." He stopped talking suddenly, frowned, and then slammed his face onto the table. She raised an eyebrow as she looked at her hooded friend.

_"Boi,"_ Peppermint Patty said she gestured towards CB. He rolled his head, so he was looking at her.

"I have to work this weekend at the shop," He whined. "I won't be able to see her."

"Well, you're fucked." She smirked at him, as he gave her a dirty look, "What? That sounds like _a you_ problem."

"You're a dick."

"Yes, yes I am." The paused as stared at each other until they both couldn't deal with it anymore and they both broke down laughing. It was nice to see him smile. They were just starting to calm down from their stupor. Then Peppermint Patty heard someone snort and she immediately went serious and turned to the source of that _infuriating_ noise. Her initial instinct was correct, as none other than fat-ass fucking _Frieda_ was now sitting next to Schroeder. She looked at him her predatory green eyes and was smiling what could have been mistaken as a warm smile. Schroeder was half smiling, half sneering at her, at least trying to be civil. He was uncomfortable that was incredibly obvious, and Peppermint Patty wasn't going to sit around and let _Frieda_ stay. Schroeder shouldn't have to be subjected to her unwanted advances any longer. _Damn bitch_. No one ever said that Peppermint Patty had any self-control. She slammed her hand on the table causing everyone to jump and look at her. Charlie lifted his head up and turned to where she was staring instead of looking at her.

Frieda smiled her awful smile as she looked up Peppermint Patty's arm to her face, "What Minty? You're funny, am I not allowed to laugh?" Frieda sneered. Everyone had gone silent as the two girls continued to stare each other down. People knew that these two girls hated each other, but no one knew why. Peppermint Patty intended to keep it that way, but if _that bitch_ was going to come here and act like that, she wasn't going to be subtle.

"No _, you little slut_. You're not even supposed to be here," Patty hissed. Lucy gasped in the background. Frieda blinked slowly and smiled as she leaned towards Schroeder. He leaned away from her like the opposite ends of magnets.

"I _do_ remember being wanted here," Freida said voice dripping in honey, eyes wide and innocent. Peppermint Patty opened her mouth to give her snide remark, but she was cut off by a sudden burst of motion. Schroeder was on his feet, and there was a thunk as his chair fell behind him. Freida jumped as Schroeder's eyes had turned hostile. He opened his mouth to speak, but his face dropped, and he turned and simply walked away. Everyone at the table paused, and Frieda's face turned red, and miraculously she didn't have anything to say.

Everything seemed surreal as Schroeder walked out the cafeteria, everyone was quiet, and the only sound was the sound of him forcing the door open and it slamming shut behind him. The final slam was like pressing a play button and everything broke back into motion as people began to talk and eat again. Many of the whispers where about Schroeder, but Peppermint Patty ignored them.

"What's wrong with _him?"_ Frieda said trying to cover her nerves in mild sarcasm. Patty stared at her for a moment and was deciding whether, or not, to punch her in her fucking freckled face. Then CB stood up and started gathering up his things and then she decided Schroeder was more important and followed suit. She glared at Frieda and finally headed towards the door, walking on CB's heels.

_"Well,_ _ **that**_ _was perfect!"_ Peppermint Patty grumped as she drug her hand down her face.

"Yeah, it was. What has gotten into everyone?" CB growled, "We just need to find Schroeder. Think he went to the band room?"

"Nah. There is a class right now. He won't go and interrupt," She mused allowed, "Where else would he go?" CB shrugged. **"OH!"**

_"What?"_

**"I know where he is!** Follow me," She grabbed his hand and started in the direction of the ice rink. The only other place Schroeder goes when he's angry.

When they arrived on the other side of the school, Peppermint Patty forced open the heavy doors to the chilly lobby of the ice rink. With a quick glance to the ice, her theory was confirmed because Schroeder was speeding across the ice.

"Called it," She smirked as she threw her thumb over her back to the mess of blonde hair in the rink. They started in the direction of the audience entrance.

"Yeah, you did Minty," CB sighed, "He's going to have another mental break at this rate. I'm worried about him." A nervous laugh escaped him, and he fiddled with strings on his hoodie, "I _really_ thought he was going to slap Frieda or at the very least throw the chair at her." Minty snorted. She knew he'd _never_ hit a girl, or guy, but he sure in hell would think about it.

"He's always been a loose cannon, but you know how he is about hitting people. He would _never_ , off the ice, hit someone. No matter how much they deserve it." CB nodded and then they took their seats and watched Schroeder glide across the ice. They sat in silence for a moment which wasn't quite deafening since there was the sound of skates echo in the too big space. Minty knew they needed to talk to him, but neither of them was allowed near the ice. _Then again when did rules stop Peppermint Patty?_ Not very often.

"I'm going to talk to him. Stay here for a moment?"

"Sure. Be reasonable will you?" He half smiled, " and try not to get caught."

_"Of course."_ With that, Peppermint Patty got up from her seat and started towards the gate. As she got closer, she took a moment to appreciate Schroeder, in an athletic standpoint **of course.** It was hard to believe how fit he was considering how stupidly scrawny his body looked in street clothes, but in an athletic tank top and low hanging sweat pants it's wasn't easy to be fooled. She still found it hilarious that even though hockey was this school's most popular sport, no one seemed to remember that Schroeder was a goalie. A great one at that. When she was finally leaning on that wall, Schroeder hadn't seemed to notice her. So she did the most logical, and funniest, thing she could think of and let off a low whistle. Schroeder then started and caught his blade on himself and crashed spectacularly onto the ice. He cussed the whole way down and the two rolls he did. Minty did worry about him for a minute, but the speed that he got up and was charging her at didn't give her the time to be worried. Instead, _she was giggling,_ she really shouldn't have been considering she was already playing with fire. Schroeder cussing was **never** a good sign. Then he was in front of her towering over her, eyes dark, and his mouth twisted up into a sneer. Her giggling stopped, and she actually had to try to not feel intimated.

_"What the_ _ **fuck**_ _was that?"_ Schroeder barked, gloved hand slicing the air, **_"Were you trying to kill me?!_** _ **You**_ _of all people stood know not to sneak up on an_ _ **ice skater!"**_ He hissed air out through his teeth, and angrily pulled off his purple ear mitts. He did an angry spin on the ice and then placed his hands on the rail. He took a couple deep breaths. He really was worked up, him and his damn temper.

"What got you so worked up? It's not just Frieda being her normal slutty self - that's for sure," Minty finally asked after a couple more moments. Schroeder raised an eyebrow and put the ear muffs around his neck.

"The normal bullshit that comes with life, just in a higher than normal dosage," Schroeder stretched while he talked and Minty noted in greater detail the light bags under Schroeder's eyes.

"Sounds like more than normal bullshit to me, sounds like it's several things on top of each other. Am I right?"

"More or less," he replied casually. Well, he's not going to budge she just going to push him. It's not like she's already got his biggest problem figured out.

"It's about Alex, _isn't it?"_ Minty asked bluntly. Schroeder sputtered at her outburst, his eyes wide.

"How do _you_ know?" He asked his voice still holding onto some snark. She shrugged.

"It was obvious, and I have a pretty solid gaydar," she smiled at his reaction, then waved her hand in a no motion, "But that's beside the point. Why wasn't he at lunch today?"

"A pretty good gaydar? _Really?"_ Schroeder asked ignoring her question. He was fiddling with his gloves in an attempt to be casual. She rolled her eyes, and her blunt attitude got the best of her.

"Yeah, usually comes with being **gay** , or at least part way gay," Peppermint Patty said not giving Schroeder a second to think continued, _"You avoided my question."_ Schroeder froze.

Schroeder was shell shocked as he blinked, "Wait. _Wait_ _ **. Wait.**_ **_You're gay_** ** _?"_** Schroeder was smarter than this.

"Bisexual. Now tell me what the hell happened with Alex."

**"Good Grief,"** He grumbled as he reached for the gate, "It's _cold_. I want out." She moved aside as he walked off the ice and walked over to a bench and clicked on his skate guards and motioned her to follow him. He was muttering under his breath as he headed for the locker room. "Give me a moment." He said as he opened the door before he disappeared behind it. Minty waited for a moment.

"He didn't look too happy," CB said from where he now stood beside her.

"He doesn't seem to be, I cornered him about Alex."

"You what?" CB gasped. He genuinely looked surprised.

"It was kinda obvious his absence was the problem. If they're trying to hide that they have something going on their not doing a very good job. Why does everyone always think _I'm_ oblivious?" CB opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Because you act as you are," Schroeder snarked into the conversation, easily filling in the gap Charlie left. "It's easy to hide how smart you _actually_ are when you _act_ stupid most of the time."

"Yeah. I know, it's why I do it. See not stupid," Minty replied, "now you gonna tell us what's going on?"

"Yes, I'm getting to it. _Good Grief,_ first we need to get you two out of here." Schroeder beckoned them to follow him out of the rink. He kept quiet for a moment then sighed once they were in the lobby, "We had a fight. About me not being public. It's not a big deal, but he's annoyed with me at the moment. Frieda is just complicating things, _so_."

"Thanks for telling us, but if it's causing problems why don't you guys go public?" Peppermint Patty asked as if the answer was obvious.

**_"_** ** _No!_** ** _"_** Her answer came from Charlie and Schroeder _both_. Minty threw her hands up in surrender then Schroeder continued alone, "Well, I have my reasons, and they are good ones, so that's out of the picture at least for the time being."

"Well, _okay then_. You guys are some of the most confusing people I have ever meet. Seriously, think about what is most important to you. These _reasons_ or _Alex_." The boys were silent for several heartbeats. CB looked at Minty as if she'd grown a second head and Schroeder just looked conflicted like he was being pulled in two directions. Then the bell rang shattering the cold silence. Just like that, the emotions on the boys' faces were mostly neutral. She shook her head and started for the door without a word. Neither of them said anything even though she could hear them following suit. Something much worse was going on than she initially thought. Whatever it was she was going to find out _sooner or later._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @Stujet


	25. Lilies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Happy Yule everyone. Ready for some tooth-rotting stuff?

Peppermint Patty spent the rest of the school day festering. The boys didn't seem too tore up about anything after she told them how it was. Maybe for once in their lives they would listen to her, but she highly doubted it.  Her friends were all stupidly stubborn.

 

Minty was looking for Schroeder, and he seemed to have disappeared since she couldn't find him. In the process, she ran into Linus who looked like complete shit.

 

"Hey, Linus. You look like you got hit by a car," Minty snarked at him. He slowly raised his eyebrow and it seemed like was hurting him. _Huh?_

 

_"Really?_ I feel great," Linus replied with a goofy smile. Minty couldn't believe her ears or eyes. This is the most Linus had acted like himself in a while, even though he looked like complete shit.

 

"Well, feelings don't always reflect in looks," Minty replied, hoping for playful banter.

 

"Isn't that the truth," He laughed, "If we looked how we really felt there would be some beautiful people in this world who would be fucked over!" He kept chuckling to himself, but Peppermint Patty was left stunned. That was pretty dark to be laughing at, but whatever. Suddenly, flashes of her father crossed her mind, and she cringed. Linus never had much of a filter when it came to the philosophical.

 

"Well. I guess that would true. So what you doing this weekend?" Minty asked as they were walking towards the buses.

 

"I'm going to spend some time with my new friend, Cole," Linus chirped.

 

" _Ooo_. Sounds like fun. I'm going to take Marcie on a date," Minty happily declared. She'd been wanting to tell Linus for a while, he'd always been so cool with it. He's always been the one to tell her that she was beautiful and deserved all the love in the world. He was the first person to learn about how she felt about Marcie after her crush on Charlie fell through. They had been great friends for a really long time.

 

" ** _Really?_** _It's about time!_ I really hope it goes well!" Linus beamed and gave her a friendly punch on the arm. She returned it happily, and he was the one left rubbing on the point of contact.

 

" **Gee** _, thanks_. I'm going to go full out, and it's going to be _great_ ," She smiled raising her fist triumphantly in the air. Linus smiled at her as crooked and goofy as it was it warmed her heart.

 

"No problem. Well, I got to go and so do you so see you later," He waved his goodbyes and was on his way to his bus, and she was walking towards hers. She took her seat and smiled her crooked smile so wide it might split her lip. Her confidence was at all time high as she pulled out her phone to pass the time.

 

All of her bravo and confidence went out the window by Saturday afternoon as she was walking up to where they were supposed to meet. A park, located in the middle of several places they could walk to like the ice cream parlor or the small diner. She'd put _so much_ thought into this. She'd even dressed up, wearing a solid green shirt, a green flannel over shirt, khakis, and closed toe shoes. She was pulling at her collar as the nerves were threating to overtake her. It had taken her years to build up the courage to do this, and she still didn't even know if Marcie could actually like her _that_ way. It was too late to turn and run now as she glanced at the bouquet of assorted lilies in her hands. She was currently repressing the urge to ring the flower stems in her nervous, sweaty hands. _Why was she doing this?_ Bile was rising in the back of her throat. She sighed, calming herself, she knew she would regret it the rest of her life if she didn't do this no matter the result.

 

"Peppermint, _Sir_?" A slightly nasally sing-song voice came from behind Minty. Her heart stopped, and she quickly spun around seeing Marcie standing with her arms crossed behind her back and her torso leaning slightly forward. Her eyes were squinting behind her glasses, maybe not believing what she was seeing. **_Shit!_** Marcie was _so_ freaking pretty. Her hair was grown out to her mid back, and it curled out at the ends, her bangs waving around her face. She was wearing a red shirt with black sleeves and a pair of blue jeans. " _Hey?_ Earth to Patty," Marcie waved at her. Minty jumped straight up in the air and stumbled at little on her feet. Marcie chuckled.

 

**_"Hey!_** **Marcie**. _How are you today?"_ Minty squeaked, _actually squeaked,_ her voice cracking _three_ times. Marcie pushed her glasses up her nose as she straightened her back up and walked towards Minty.

 

"I'm good. So what's with the flowers?" Marcie asked with some concern hidden in her tone.

 

" **OH!** _What?_ **_These?_** " Minty paused as she felt her entire face turn red, she totally had lost all her confidence. **_"They're for you!"_** She basically yelled as she unceremoniously shoved the flowers in Marcie's direction. She was looking at the ground with her arms stretched out. "I know you like lilies, but who doesn't? They are the best. I really wanted to get you some because they are pretty... _Just like you."_ The words poured out of her mouth. **_Oh God,_** _what kind of confession was that?_ Minty waited for something, anything. There was a slight shift as Marcie moved to grab onto the bouquet. That's when Minty finally got the nerve to look up. Marcie was also red in the face, her glasses were slightly askew, and she had a small, sweet smile gracing her perfect face. She didn't say anything as she smiled widened and then a tear slipped down her face. _What?_ **No!** _This wasn't supposed to happen! What could she have done wrong?_ She watched in horror as more tears slid down Marcie's blushing cheeks. Minty scrambled to her feet and grabbed Marcie's face in both hands and started to wipe at the tears.

 

_"Marcie?_ _Are you okay?!_ I'm _so_ sorry I didn't want to make you cry! _Oh, my God_. I'm sorry," Minty pleaded as she continued to wipe at tears, but that's when she noticed that Marcie was still smiling and then she reached up and grabbed on to Minty's left hand and leaned into the touch. Her eyes were shining behind her glasses.

 

"Don't be sorry, sir. This is the nicest thing, I adore these flowers, and you even dressed up for me. I had never imagined that you'd feel this way about me. _I'm so happy."_ Marcie giggled as she pulled Peppermint Petty into a hug, you could her the flowers being crushed between them.

 

"So, you like me too. _Oh_ , **_wow_**. _Thank you_ ," Minty whispered, next to Marcie's ear as they embraced. Her heart was beating out of control, and she felt the tears start to well up too and she just held on tighter.

 

They probably stood there for a good couple of minutes just crying tears of joy in each other's arms. When they finally separated, the lilies were a mangled mess.

 

" _Oh_. It looks like we killed them, sir. I'm sorry, I just really wanted to hug you," Marcie murmured as she rubbed the back of her head and chuckled nervously. Minty just smiled as she wiped her face one last time as she looked at the crushed bouquet, but one flower caught her eye. It was the only flower that didn't seem completely destroyed. An idea called her name as she plucked the flower from its brothers.

 

"Don't worry about it. Nothing could have been better than that hug," Minty paused as her blush started crawling down her neck and up to her ears, "This one seems just fine, but it would look perfect here." She pushed Marcie's hair back behind her right ear and placed the flower beneath the stem of her glasses. Marcie smiled as she looked over the rim of her glasses at Minty. She just looked so happy. This was by far more perfect than anything that Minty had dreamed up over the last couple of years. "Hey?"

 

"Yes, sir?" Marcie responded. Peppermint Patty had long since given up on getting rid of that pet name. It had grown endearing over the years.

 

"Wanna go out for some ice cream, my treat?"

 

"That sounds wonderful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I died writing this. I've been wanting to write this chapter for a long time. I hoped you enjoyed it!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr. Stujet9


	26. A Week Till Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! This fic is officially a year old! Happy birthday to my brain child! Thank you for the great time, all the kind words, and the kudos!
> 
> But guys! I'm going to be having a big celebration thing on my tumblr. I'll be posting art, comics, playlists, and character bios. Some include awesome sneak peeks and fun insight and a tumblr only one-shot. Please go check it out. You won't regret it! This event will last until Friday! Though the content will always be on tumblr.
> 
> stujet9

Charlie Brown just watched Peppermint Patty leave. She wasn't one to be easily reasoned with. Everyone knew that and respected her for it. He was aware that the sight of Frieda could set her off, but she seemed more irritated than usual. Believe it or not, she was usually pretty reasonable. He let it slide and shook his head as he looked at Schroeder, who looked worn and done for the day. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his red and gray hockey team jacket, and his head was slouching forward. Schroeder appeared to notice him staring and reflexively straightened up. He looked awkward for a moment as his mouth slacked as if looking for something to say. He finally found some words, words Charlie definitely wasn't expecting.

"Did you know that Patricia was bi?" Schroeder finally managed to say. _What the hell had those two talked about?_ Charlie scrunched his face up in confusion.

" _Well,_ yeah," CB scratched the back of his head, "She's talked about asking Marcie out for a while now." He paused and clicked his tongue, " _Maybe she's only told me that?_ She's never been too closed about it since she came out in middle school; But I guess she doesn't go out of her way to tell people, either." Schroeder's face scrunched up. His hands seemed to be lost as they wondered to fiddle with his nonexistent beanie. He sighed as he shoved his hands back into his pockets. He shrugged.

"Probably, she seemed comfortable with talking about it. But I'm just glad she gave me a reason to get away from Frieda." Schroeder let out a quiet laugh, "Alex thought I _... because she..._ and it seemed to have worked." He mumbled under his breath, so Charlie only caught half of what he had said, **"** ** _Beethoven!_** _We're going to be late!_ _ **Bye!"**_ Schroeder yelped. Then, not even dropping a beat was running down the hallway.

_"What the fuck?"_ Charlie asked the empty hallway. He hesitated for only a moment longer then he took off towards his own class. Arriving with around thirty seconds to spare. People confused the hell out of him. _What had Schroeder said about Alex and what did it have to do with Frieda?_ He'll have to ask him later. It's whatever. He has class, and Schroeder would probably elaborate later when he asks about it.

The rest of the day went by slowly every moment seeming to go by in slow motion. Then when the school day finally ended, Charlie went looking for Schroeder. Charlie found him heading for the ice rink. They talked for a moment, but when he asked about Alex, Schroeder wasn't willing to elaborate. Charlie pushed the subject, and Schroeder got annoyed. He hid behind the fact that he didn't want Charlie to miss the bus. Schroeder finally conceded and said that everything was _fine_ and that Charlie had nothing to worry about. CB grudgingly let it go. Well, Schroeder could be a stubborn ass, and he'd probably get his way anyway. No point in pissing him off in the process. Still, Charlie worried even after he got off the bus, but only periodically. He had other things to occupy himself with.

The next day in school everything seemed to go back to normal. Well, as normal as things had been recently. Alex was back at the table, and Frieda thankfully didn't make any appearances. Jackson still hadn't returned, though, and amazingly the person taking his seat was none other than Matthew. He looked awkward as hell, trying not to touch anything, but keeping up some conversation. Charlie was happy to see him and gladly talked to him. Though Matthew never did eat any of the food in front of him. It turned out that Lucy had decided that Matthew should start eating with friends instead of hiding all the time. Charlie felt sympathy for Matt. It was common knowledge that he was an OCD germaphobe. He shouldn't have to put in these uncomfortable situations. Grievously, Lucy was impossible to argue with, and most always got her way. Now the question was why had Lucy drug him here. She was an unreasonable person so she might not even have a reason. Regardless he did seem to enjoy himself, besides being ridiculously awkward and uncomfortable.

Nothing else of significance happened after lunch, and for the first time in a while, there was an uneventful end to the day. Charlie even got some reading in before he had to go to sleep. His dad didn't even flip out about the weekend.

The next school day seemed to fly by, much to Charlie's dismay. He didn't want the school week to end because that meant he had to deal with his dad screaming about him working the next day. Once again school and friend drama seemed to be avoided, well except for Linus still not talking to anyone. Well, everyone being Schroeder and him, everyone else Linus appeared to be just fine with. _When will this petty quarrel end?_ Charlie guiltily admitted to himself that he really wasn't helping the situation either. He sighed as the last bell rang for the day and he headed to the hallway. He noted several things, but nothing seemed out of place and for some weird reason that itself seemed off-putting.

Charlie dragged himself onto that bus and put his headphones in and turned on his music. He was out of it by the time he got to his stop, but not enough to notice that Linus didn't get off the bus. He was sitting in the front of the bus with a tan, red-headed boy and a younger boy with brown hair and blue eyes. _What the hell?_ Charlie couldn't calm his curiosity as he watched the bus drive away.

**"Lucy!"** Charlie yelled as he turned around and immediately started running towards the stunned girl.

" **What** _Charlie Brown?_ Here to waste my time?" Lucy sassed as she placed a hand on her hip as she let out a breath. He must've scared her, and she was trying to play it off. _Oops_ , but that was funny enough in itself. He rolled his eyes and decided returned her sass. He had become mostly immune to her over the years. Now instead of hurtful words, it was more like playful banter. _What can he say?_ He has thick skin.

"Waste _your_ time? Like you have anything better to do than talking to good ol' Charlie Brown," He chirped as he gave her a big, stupid grin. She laughed and quickly hid it behind her hand and returned the eye roll to cover it.

"What do you want? Get to _the point_ ," she hardened her tone to remain collected.

"Okay, fine. Always so serious, lighten up a bit," Charlie laughed a little more before he became serious, ignoring his own advice. "Why did Linus end up staying on the bus?"

"Oh, he's staying at a friend's house this weekend. _Cole?_ I think his name was."

"Okay. I was wondering. Was he the really tan kid with the orange hair?"

"Yeah. I think so. I've never met him personally, but Linus does tend to ramble about him occasionally. Why? _You jealous?"_ Lucy sneered. She was trying to be playful, but it just rubbed Charlie the wrong way. He felt anger crawl up his spine. He'd care when Linus wasn't acting like a jackass. He had to play it off, though. He wasn't sure just how much Lucy knew of what was going on. She did tend to self-absorbed and therefore oblivious.

_"No?_ I was just wondering. It surprised me when he didn't get off the bus. Well, that was all I needed, so I'm going to head home. See ya," Charlie smiled as he waved them off.

**"Hey, wait,"** Lucy called. Charlie stopped his retreat.

"Yeah?" Curiosity pricking Charlie's interest.

"Why don't you come on over and we can play some video games?" Lucy suggested with a half smirk that just reeked challenge.

_"Oh?_ That sounds fun. I'm going kick your ass at whatever we play."

_"Really?_ I doubt that." Lucy rolled her eyes as the both retreated into the Van Pelt residence. Charlie sent a quick message to his mom letting her know that he was going to be a little bit. He entered the house, and it smelled faintly of coffee and cleaner. The house looked expensive, it always had. They always had the nicest things, but the Van Pelts' paid the price for it in more ways than one. Their kids pretty much hated them for never being home and for always putting their careers first. Linus and Lucy both have mentioned in contempt their hate for their absent parents. Rerun never says anything about how he feels about his parents, but the scar on his face speaks volumes. Charlie shook his head chasing away his stray thoughts.

_"_ _So?_ Lucy, ready to get your ass kicked?" CB yelled as he jumped over the back of the couch landing with a satisfying bounce. He smirked over the back of the couch while grabbing a controller.

_"_ _Not in even in your dreams, CB!"_ Lucy challenged as she launched herself onto the couch and grabbed the other controller.

They yelled, cussed, and taunted each other for at least a couple of hours before anything in the house stirred. Rerun had long since returned from his basketball practice and disappeared into his room. Then the front door opened and behold it was the mysterious Lawrence Van Pelt. The room seemed to freeze as he was taking off his shoes. He looked up and finally noticed the teens in his home.

"Hello, children. Nice to see you, Charlie," Lawrence said in his professional, monotone, Minnesotan voice. Charlie and Lucy both called out their greetings. "Samuel told me you were working tomorrow. Finally give into that old, windbag?" Lawrence chortled.

Charlie rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, I guess I did. He put me in a corner like he always does." Lawrence's face twisted into a fond grin. As much as they were complete opposites, they were best friends. A weird sense of guilt pooled into Charlie's stomach as he thought that he and Linus were proud of the fact that they were second generation friends. Then the world was back in motion with no time for guilt.

"Well, I should be in there tomorrow, need my beard shaped back up," Lawrence said as he rubbed at his offending beard. Charlie smiled at the man from his place on the coach. Lawrence continued to dress down, and he asked out of the blue. "Oi, Lucy? Ever figure out your boy problems?"

"Not yet. It's complicated, but that's nothing new," Lucy slowly said as if she was tasting each one of her words. Lawrence seemed satisfied with the answer as he nodded thoughtfully and headed into his bedroom with a raised finger.

"Boy drama?" CB asked. Lucy rubbed at her face and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Not really, but dad thinks it's drama. I just broke up with Jackson," Lucy explained herself.

"Oh, okay. Didn't know that. Well, wanna keep playing games or do you want me to head home?" CB asked he wasn't in the mood for the change that overtook the house after Lawrence came home.

"You can head home if you want to, it is almost eight, and you have _work_ tomorrow," Lucy responded. Her smile seemed quite a bit more strained than it had been just a few minutes ago. She wasn't tense enough to not make a jab at her friend.

"Then I guess I'm heading home then," CB said, smiling back. He reached out and ruffled her hair. She swatted him away playfully, and he jumped over the couch and kept fighting her for a few more moments and then he was out the door. God, he was happy to be out of that house when Lawrence was there because for all his good qualities he has two bad ones. He has known the man his whole life, and he was only tolerable when he was with CB's dad, Samuel.

Charlie used to be resentful of the way Lucy acted, but that was before he understood what her home life was like. Lawrence was one of the most cynical, emotionless people he'd ever met. Even when he was happy and having fun, a dark air seemed to follow him around like he could never truly let go. All his emotions sealed away in the drum of his soul. Well, not that Charlie fully blamed Lawrence he did live with his wife, Heather. That woman was hell. Charlie used to think Lucy was horrid. Heather Van Pelt was a woman with power and gave zero fucks about anything including her family. It seemed that she only had her children out of some sort of obligation. Lucy and Linus spent their childhood in nursery schools and with babysitters. Charlie still wonders why she even had Rerun. She did try harder with her youngest, but she still took the back seat in raising her own children.

Charlie mind wondered unbiddenly to the day everything with the Van Pelts' fell apart and Lucy changed. It happened well over a year ago. It was the day Rerun fell into that broken glass bottle. He was playing basketball in an old abandoned basketball court on the bad side of town. He had snuck out with some of his friends. The after doing some stupid stuff that Charlie still didn't know the full story of. The two friends were dragging, and profusely bleeding Rerun down the sidewalk. Linus was the only one around. He ended up having to take Rerun to the ER. At the time, no one knew whether, or not, he had gouged his eye out because the blood had sealed it shut. Linus tried his best to kept things together. He finally lost it when Lucy showed up. She didn't show any emotion and blamed everything on Rerun and said something long the lines of _You couldn't do anything to cure stupid_. Then Linus screamed and screamed saying that Lucy was an emotionless bitch just like their mother. Lucy wasn't quite the same after that day, but neither were Linus or Rerun.

Charlie sighed as he pushed the oppressive memories away as he finally pulled open the door to his house.

**_"Welcome back!"_** Charlie screeched as he jumped out of his skin because just past the threshold was his father. Charlie honestly should have been expecting that. He scolded himself as he clutched his chest. Samuel smiled his trademark shit-eating grin. "I _know_ you were avoiding me. ** _Well!_** _You can't wait anymore!_ Let's go pick out your outfit for tomorrow and then get you in bed!" The Charlie's giant of a father gloriously skipped down the hallway. Charlie shook his head as he followed the over-eager adult. Besides his intimidating stature, and gruff voice Samuel Brown was nothing more than an excitable teddy bear. Once the door was flung open to Charlie's bedroom door, all bets were off, and Samuel was eagerly looking through CB's closet. _Did this man ever learn?_ Charlie rubbed at his temples as he tries not to sass off too much. Samuel already knew that CB didn't want to have anything to do with the damn family barber shop.

_"_ _Dad?_ Why can't I just wear my normal clothes?" Charlie drug out trying to keep the bite out of his tone. Samuel spun around on his heels. _Seriously, how does a man that big do that?_

"Because you must look presentable. Also, you need to ditch that _weird gel_ _thing_ you have going on with your undercut," Samuel narrowed his eyes as he scrutinized CB's choice of hair styling.

_"_ _Dad…"_ Charlie groaned because he knew where this was going.

**"** **No,** I'm not going to harass you about cutting it. I just want you to put it up in a ponytail," Samuel said with a severe sense of finality. Charlie sighed. Then Samuel pulled out a white, long sleeved button up. "This is what I want you to wear. I don't really care about the pants as long as they're not ripped."

"Sounds fine, but do I _have_ to wear my hair up? I only do that when I need to. Like when I play baseball."

"Well, I'm saying you have to. Your hair doesn't always have to look like you have eggs smeared in it," Samuel teased, but Charlie was pretty sure he was serious. "Here you go. Well, get some sleep I'll get you up around five."

"Why five? It's Saturday, I have earned my extra sleep." CB drug his hand down his face. _Why had he ever agreed to do this?_

"Son. I've run on military time since before you were born. Get over it," Samuel said in his most serious tone, which was actually intimidating. Not that Charlie cared, he'd been raised by the man and could make the same face. Then he did. Then just like that, Samuel was all chipper again. _"See you tomorrow!"_ Then Charlie was alone with his thoughts. He threw off his clothes and slid on his nighttime hoodie and plopped onto his bed. Tomorrow as going to be a long day.


	27. Typical Work Day

**"CHARLIE BROWN!"**

 

**_"AUUGH!"_** Charlie jumped straight out of his bed, and as he was trying to calm his racing heart down, he saw his dad in the doorway. _"Dad!"_ Charlie's face immediately turned red as he realized he was standing there in his underwear. He pulled down on the hem of his sweater, _"Get out!_ I don't enough have clothes on!" Samuel laughed as he turned on his heel. Charlie let out a breath as he rubbed at his face. _This_ was why he slept in this stupidly oversized sweater. His family consisted of some of the most unpredictable people.

 

Charlie looked through his fingers at the clock on his nightstand. **5:03** the red letters glared back at him. He once again asked himself why he was doing this again. _When was his dad going to accept that Charlie Brown was going to be a teacher and a baseball coach, not a barber?_ Then again, his dad meant the world to him, no matter how _infuriating_ he was. So here he was again, going to the shop for another day.

 

Charlie reluctantly threw on a pair of PJ pants and headed to the bathroom. He had to be ready by six, or his dad would be late to open. He took a slow shower because, honestly, _it was_ _too early for this shit._ After he finished his shower, he put on the shirt that his dad picked for him. He liked this one because he could slip his thumb through a hole between the cuff buttons and the shirt couldn't ride up. He wouldn't need his hoodie today. Which was an unnatural thought, he _always_ wore it. _He had to._

 

Charlie glared into the mirror. His hair reached his chin in a wet mess. He sighed because today he'd have to put it in a ponytail. Which after one more good rubbing with a towel he did. He made faces at the mirror as he put in some gel to keep the fly-a-ways down. If he was honest, he put the in gel out of spite. Charlie only ever recalled being _this_ petty when his dad was involved. He disregarded that thought as he continued to examine himself. He genuinely wasn't sure how he felt about his undercut like this, it looked like those annoying twenty-somethings you see with man buns. Though he never regretted getting the hairstyle, for him it was a semblance of freedom. He finally said **_enough_** to the constant buzz cuts, and now he kept his hair long. _Well,_ chin length is considered long when you never had hair longer than a centimeter.

                                                                                       

After fiddling his hair for a few moments longer and then Charlie decided he had stalled enough. Then finally left the bathroom and entered the kitchen. His mother didn't appear to be awake yet, but his dad was sitting at the table. Charlie sighed at the familiarity of this. His dad was nothing if not a man of habit. Years in the military did that to a man.

 

"Hey, Dad. Ready to go?" Charlie said to the large man drinking coffee while staring at his cell phone.

 

"Yeah. Just give me second. Go ahead and get in the car," Samuel commanded with a wave of his hand. Charlie did as he was told and a few minutes later they were on the road. They rode the couple minute drive in what felt like comfortable silence. _Brown Barbershop_ was in the most clique location, the town square. It even had barber pole out front. _Gross._

 

Once they arrived, Charlie watched in disdain as his dad unlocked the shop and turned on the lights and the open sign and the barber pole began to spin. Charlie ignored most of what his dad was doing and plopped down at the desk and got to his work. This wasn't the first time he wondered if his dad simply gave Debra the day off and claimed that she couldn't work.

 

"Hey, you got your first appointment in 30 minutes," CB called out starting the cycle of the day. Honestly, he couldn't complain much about the desk work. He genuinely enjoyed it, at least a little bit. It didn't directly involve working with hair so he could deal with it. What really bothered Charlie was the idea that if he worked that he'd take over the shop one day. If only his dad would figure out that if he’d chill out, Charlie would work more.

 

The monotonous routine of sitting, doing paperwork, and talking to customers began when the first person walked through the door. People always seem extremely pleased to see Charlie sitting at the register station. Everyone wanted to talk his ear off, and Charlie polity kept up conversations. The responses were as generic as the questions.

 

_Charlie! How are you?_

_I'm good, thank you._

_How's school going?_

_The year just started, but it's going well._

_Did you get a girlfriend?_

_No, not yet._

_Are you still friends with those boys, Linus and Schroeder?_

_Of course._

_Are you ever going to cut your hair?_

_Eventually._

 

The rambling was annoying at times, and Charlie had to remind himself of the law of business conversations. Never talk about religion, politics, or sex and believe it or not, each one of these conversations was brought up at least once. _Why are old people so weird?_ He's **fifteen,** he doesn't even have a sex life, and that fact doesn't bother him in the slightest. _What bothered him was people asking him about it, especially the older men._ The worst part was when Charlie didn't answer, and they'd jump into a story from their youth. Then he'd end up having to grin and bear it through some _crazy_ , sometimes a _too detailed_ story. _Why was he so polite?_ All he'd have to do is ask them to stop and they would.

 

After several hours of suffering later, Lawrence walked through the door just like he, and the schedule, said he would.

 

"Hello, Mr. Van Pelt. Here for your 12 o'clock?" Charlie rattled off.

 

"Yes, I am." Lawrence nodded and took the seat closest to the desk. He sat silently for a moment then he spoke, "I like your hair like that, it actually looks nice." Charlie blinked, dumbfounded. _That_ wasn't something he heard very often.

 

_"T-thank you,"_ Charlie felt a blush crawling up his neck, "You should try to convince Dad that."

 

Lawrence chuckled, "That stubborn bastard doesn't listen to me, but I'll pass the word along." Then they sat in comfortable silence for another couple minutes, until Charlie's tablet computer signaled his dad was ready for the next patron.

 

"The stubborn bastard's ready for you," Charlie said with a flourish of his hand. Lawrence nodded, hiding a grin, as he headed to the chair.

 

Charlie leaned back in his chair. There wasn't another appointment for another 45 minutes, probably scheduled that way on purpose. Those two gossip _a lot_ , which Charlie decided to listen to. They always had interesting things to say.

 

"So you think Lucy's going through a phase about boys, _huh?"_ Samuel's bass voice rang out.

 

"Yeah. Figured she'd never get over Schroeder, but I think something happened between them. She hasn't visited him in almost two weeks, or so Liam has told me." Lawrence voice seemed concerned.

 

"That is _weird_. The only time she ever avoids Schroeder is when Amelia is one of her _moods_. Do you think that's it?"

 

"No. She's _dating_ now. Something happened, but I'll find out soon enough."

 

"Probably. Think it has something to do with Schroeder or do you think it was Lucy?"

 

"Honestly? I believe it was both of them. Lucy probably had enough of his evasions and he finally said the right, wrong thing to get her to leave."

 

"Wouldn't blame her. Schroeder's always been a little off. Maybe she finally figured that out," Samuel laughed, "Or it was that she finally noticed that other guys _actually_ exist.”

 

"I really don't know, Sam." There was a pause, "Speaking of Schroeder; you'll never guess who I saw at the courthouse."

 

_"That_ sounds foreboding. _Who?"_

 

_"Eric."_ Charlie felt his heart stop _. What the fuck?_

 

_"Eric_ _as in Amelia's ex-husband? Schroeder's_ _dad?"_ Samuel sounded flabbergasted. Larry must have nodded or something because Samuel continued talking ** _.  "Holy hell._** _That's crazy._ What do you think he was doing _here?"_

 

"I don't know. Probably has something to do with Schroeder. I doubt he's here to talk to Amelia considering how bad the divorce went." Charlie heard one of them snort. It was probably Samuel.

 

"Ya know, Larry. I still don't know why those two got divorced in the first place."

 

"Neither do I."

 

Charlie was staring blankly at the screen in front of him. He could feel his heart hammering in his throat, with each pound caused his vision to sway a tad. He wasn't really attached to reality anymore. His mind was racing away gone with terrible thoughts. It couldn't have possibly been Eric Fennon that Lawrence had actually seen. He _had_ to be mistaken. Schroeder had a restraining order against him. Then again it was at the court house. Maybe he was pulling judicial power to get the order removed, or worse, get custody rights to Schroeder. Charlie, to put it lightly, was terrified and it looked like no one else was even slightly concerned.

 

_"Charlie?"_ Lawrence’s voice pulled Charlie out of his trance. He looked up with wide eyes to the older, newly trimmed, man. _How long had he been staring at that screen?_ "You okay?" Charlie forced a smile willing his heart rate to calm down.

 

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why ya ask?" Charlie lied through his teeth, but he was a fantastic liar. Lawrence didn't believe him, and Charlie _knew_ it. Charlie couldn't have possibly missed the slight narrowing of green eyes and the minuscule, downward twitch of lips.

 

"You just look like you've seen a ghost," Lawrence brightened his smile, but to Charlie's eyes it stayed the same because it was fake, "Hate working here that much?"

 

"You know me. I'm the rebellious child who doesn't want the family business handed to him." Lawrence seemed satisfied with that answer, though he didn't convince.

 

"Well, not much I can say about that one, huh?" Lawrence paused and glanced towards the door then at his watch. _Was that convincing enough excuse to run away, **eh,** Larry?_ "I need to head out, Charlie. Hope you learn to tolerate this place a little more." Charlie snorted lightly, "See you soon." He waved then was out the door seconds later. If Charlie told a stranger that man was the father of three, no one would believe him. Charlie was still staring at the door as the next person walked through the door and the bell chimed signaling it was time to work again. Though with pushing the thoughts of Lawrence into the back of his mind. One thing slammed into his full attention. Eric Fennon possibly being here in Sparkyville.


	28. Actions and Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this 7000+ word chapter makes up for my absence!

It was only Wednesday. _How could things have turned around so quickly in_ _ **just**_ _ **one day?**_ Schroeder was sitting at the band room's piano glowering down at his bruised hands. The school day hadn't even started yet, and it already sucked. His knuckles had received the abuse yesterday at the mercy of the locker room wall and his punching bag. They were already showing the dark purples and reds of a severe bruise, _but_ _ **oh well!**_ It wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last. He flexed his hands which caused them to quiver from the pain. That's when he finally decided it was time just to get the fuck away from a piano he couldn't play. He vacated the band room and thought about how he was going to fix what was going wrong in his life. Honestly, he had no idea. He really had fucked things up royally.

Schroeder wandered around waiting for class to start. His mind deciding to revisit the events of yesterday. All this grief in his life started with someone almost unexpected.

"Hey, Schroeder!" Schroeder jumped at the sound of the sultry female voice. He inwardly groaned as he turned around to see Frieda leaning against the wall. _Why was she talking to him?_

"Hey, Frieda. _What do you want?"_ Schroeder bit out.

"Nothing much. I just wanted to say _hi_ and ask how you're doing. _Ya know_ since Lucy got a boyfriend and all that jazz," Frieda rambled, her voice trying to come off as sweet and caring. Schroeder knew her well enough that this was her _I'm trying to get something I want_ voice. Schroeder raised an eyebrow at the mention of Lucy. _What did that have to do with anything?_ Frieda made it sound like it was something to be sad about.

"I'm fine? What does Lucy getting a boyfriend have to do with me anyway?" Schroeder scowled as a look of sympathy flashed across Frieda's features. He had never liked Lucy as more than just a friend. _Why couldn't people just accept that?_ It was completely platonic on his part, and he always made that  crystal clear.

"Oh, _honey,"_ She smiled and stepped into Schroeder's personal space, his lungs seized in panic, and he felt his face heat up as it tended to do when he was uncomfortable. "I know, you're always playing hard to get, but it looks like Lucy took your games too seriously, and she moved on. _Aren't you lonely?"_ Frieda was making not a shred of sense. _Hard to get?_ _When had he ever played hard to get?_ He felt his breath quicken a little as his brain continued to panic at the sudden wave of confusion.

"Honestly, Frieda, I'm fine. Not to mention I have _never_ liked Lucy as more than just a friend and I have always made that clear to her and everybody else. Frankly, I'm happy she finally got over herself and moved on. Plus, I'm not lonely," Schroeder stated as calmly as he could, even though anyone could tell his voice's pitch had increased. She probably thought he was lying by the way she cocked her head to the side and placed a hand on a jutted-out hip. To any typical guy, she would appear striking, but to Schroeder, she just looked like some sort of predator. Eyeing him like she was looking for some weakness.

"Not lonely? I find that unlikely," Frieda's smiled widened as her voice dropped a little, she made a move to get closer to Schroeder again, and that was it. He didn't even stay for another second. He was bolting down the hallway. Maybe she yelled for him, but he couldn't hear over the rushing in his ears. It wasn't very often he gave into the inner urge to run, but she was going to corner him and trap him. She had a reputation for taking what she wanted.

Schroeder knew that was irrational, but he didn't know what else to do. The entire time Frieda was taking to him, he felt the way she was looking at him and the way she was getting way too close. He felt the panic boiling all the way from the pit of his stomach all the way up his spine. He was sick with that fear by the time she said such detestable things. He had to run away, or he was going to break down right there in the hallway. His mind and body absolutely couldn't deal with three panic attacks in a 24-hour period. He turned around a corner and leaned up against a wall and counted his breathing. He was able to calm himself down and headed to his next class. He thanked his lucky stars.

Though Schroeder's lucky stars didn't seem too fond of him, things had only gotten worse. It all started up again when he was leaving the band room.

"Schroeder, wait up!" Schroeder smiled as he stopped walking and turned around. Alex was smiling, but it looked oddly strained.

"Hey, Alex. How are you doing?" Schroeder grinned, it had become a habit for Alex to show up after band and walk with him. It was funny enough when Schroeder had found out that Alex had Advanced Art Class. They even had these classes at the same time. It was a pleasant surprise. Alex smiled and reached over and ruffled Schroeder's hair.

"I'm good, but I do have something I want to talk to you about," Alex finally let his fake smile fall way. Though, the happy light in his eyes didn't leave. Schroeder felt his heart jump.

_"_ _Oh?"_ Schroeder asked timidly.

"Have you heard what's being said about you today?" Alex inquired.

_"_ _No?"_ Schroeder groaned as he tossed ideas around as what it could be, none of them were good. Though, he only voiced the most glaring ones.

"Did it have something to do with my panic attack yesterday? Or does it have to do with us?" Alex shook his head in the negative. _Oh?_

"Actually. It has to with you being some kind of man-whore." Schroeder burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity of the statement and the awkward tone lacing Alex's voice. Alex's freckled face turned crimson.

**"** **You're kidding!** **_That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"_** Schroeder kept chuckling to himself as he waited for Alex to process the situation. Alex rubbed at his face as if try to wipe his blush off.

"No?" Alex rushed out, "I've heard it rumbling around that you've always like keeping girls at a distance to play with their hearts and stuff like that," Alex fidgeted with his fingers. The action looked odd, yet endearing on someone so large.

"That's ridiculous. I've never outwardly shown any interest in anyone, like ever. Except you," Schroeder rolled his eyes as he wondered if Lucy had started this. Though that didn't sound like her, she wasn't that cruel, _anymore_. "Huh." Maybe this rumor had something to do with Frieda. That would make her weird behavior make some sense.

"Well, the rumor makes you sound like some sort of an asshole," Alex muttered. Schroeder fiddled with his beanie. An asshole was something he was used to being called. Though he didn't like hearing it from Alex, indirectly or not. It hurt in a way it hadn't hurt before.

"That's unfortunate, but I really am an asshole. So that's nothing new, but the rest is just a rumor." Schroeder confirmed. They were silent for a moment. Then Alex spoke.

"Ya know, a lot of your girl problems would go away if you came out." Schroeder sputtered, and it wasn't because the statement was false, it was the absurdity of it. Schroeder already told him he couldn't do that.

"You _know_ I can't do _that_ ," Schroeder said waving his hands for emphasis.

"It was just a suggestion," Alex looked away, he seemed distant, "Why does it matter so much? It's just your mom, the way you talk about her, she seems to love you enough that it won't matter, _at least_ in the long run." Alex looked back to Schroeder just in time to see the distressed look on his face. Schroeder had been asked this by both Charlie and Alex now, but unlike Charlie, he wasn't ready to tell Alex the whole truth. _Hell,_ at the time, he wasn't ready to tell Charlie. Frustration rose to the surface quicker than it should have.

_"I can't!_ My mom is all I have. I don't want her to hate or berate me. I don't want to live in an even more empty house with the only family I have not believing in my validity," Schroeder was surprised at exactly how honest his words were. The bite they had was icy, though Schroeder could feel the words unspoken in the air. No one was ready for the truth, not yet. Alex looked at Schroeder with wide eyes, that just showed confusion, nothing more, nothing less.

"Your mom can't be all you have? There's no one else?" Alex asked his tone laced with disbelief. Schroeder raised an eyebrow. That's the question he decided to ask. _Why that?_

_"Yeah?"_ Schroeder drew the word out.

_"How?"_ Alex countered, tone still confused. _Why wasn't Alex getting this?_ Schroeder bit his lip, other than introducing his mother. He'd never giving any indication that he came from a broken home. A broken family with no hope of repairing anything ever again.

"Well, I'm an only child and so is my mom. Not to mention, I haven't spoken to my Dad, or his family is almost three years. A nasty divorce and all that," Schroeder elaborated awkwardly, hoping that was the answer that he was looking for. It wasn't a lie. Tt was just a half truth.

"Wow, that's _crazy."_ Schroeder felt his chest puff out. He wasn't the only teenager in the world who was subjected to his family falling apart. Maybe the only one where it was his fault. "I'm so sorry. I just have a rather large family. So, it's kind of hard to imagine a life like that, even though I know it's a thing. I'm so sorry that how it is." Alex rubbed the back of his neck, he looked like he regretted something, "I have four siblings and both my parents. So you really don't have anyone else?" Schroeder felt his feathers ruffle even more. Even though Alex was trying to back pedal, Schroeder wasn't losing any of his aggression. _Was this jealousy?_ Then unbidden images of Alex with children younger than him was a weird one. A loving family, a not house that wasn't stone cold quite all the time. That's so different than what Schroeder knew. It finally made Alex's confusion make sense, but it didn't help solve his own. It was just fuel on the fire.

"Well, _congratulations?_ Must be phenomenal not having your entire family on the line for major life decisions," Schroeder snarled. _Where had that come from?_ Alex looked distressed as he threw his hands up. Then just as quickly it shifted to anger as he balled his hands into fists. Schroeder didn't blame him, that outburst was extremely uncalled for.

_"Hey,"_ Alex's tone became defensive, though it resembled how people talk to injured animals. "Regardless of numbers, it's still a hard to come out. I'm not blaming you for that, _I won't. But,_ if you're going to make this a petty competition I had more to lose." Schroeder narrowed his eyes, and too many emotions were churning in his gut. His eyes narrowed as he noticed Alex processing what had just left his mouth. _"Wait,_ I didn't mean that. More versus everything. I don't think they really can compare. Sorry." Schroeder was too wound up to find Alex's attempts at reconciliation endearing or worthy. They just pissed him off more.

"Well, excuse me for my family falling apart under my feet!" Schroeder growled as he flipped Alex off and turned around. Alex said something, but Schroeder just kept walking.

_"Hey!_ _ **Wait!"**_ Alex yelled from behind him. Schroeder ignored him in favor of just going to class. Neither of them needed any more excuses to keep making that conversation worse. "Schroeder, _please!"_ The pleas fell on deaf ears, though it made his chest hurt. As he was walking around the corner people started to look toward Schroeder and the now formless words coming from Alex. Then people started to stare, they were no longer in the confines of the art hallways. There were people here, people who seemed very interested in the chaos. Schroeder froze as his eyes locked with Joe's. Joe smiled and winked at him, Schroeder felt his chest constrict. The world started to swirl as the whispers blurred. For all Schroeder knew they weren't even about him, but he didn't care. He squeezed his satchel to his chest and tried to urge his feet to move. Then like an electric shock, he felt Alex's hand on his shoulder. He jerked his shoulder free and then tossed wide-eyed look around the room then into Alex's eyes. The bright blue begging Alex, _not here!_ Alex pulled his hand back and looked lost for a moment. Then he pulled himself together and then there was that blinding smirk he tossed around in casual conversation, but never to Schroeder. Not this one it was forced and lacked any warmth. It was fake.

"Hey, Schroed. Just wanted to check if you were still going to do weight training with me and the guys sometime this week?" Alex said with a glance to the left. Schroeder was supposed to follow along.

"Yeah, I'm up for that. I almost forgot about that. Thanks, _bro._ Get back to later I got to get to class," Schroeder said in his hockey voice.

"Talk to you later then," Alex's smile finally fell as he turned away, disappearing into the sea of students.

_"Thank you, anxiety that went well!"_ Schroeder muttered to himself as he continued to clutch his bag to his chest and played an imaginary tune. The whispers kept tangling themselves into his imaginary tune.

As time passed, Schroeder more and more regretted his actions. The image of Alex walking away after his vivid acting seemed to have some sort of finality to it. _Was losing Alex worth his pride?_ The answer was obvious when he wasn't faced with admitting the truth. _The_ _ **whole**_ _truth_. Not just his fear of losing his mother, the _darker_ more predominate fear. The newer fear that was rubbing his psyche raw. The fact that he was only gay because of trauma. That fact that everything he was feeling was fake, a fabrication to deal with pain not completely dealt with. The fact that it could very well be a _phase_. An _experiment_ that he was dragging Alex through the mud for. Then when he was done he was going to feel the need to throw Alex away with a _Sorry! This wasn't real, and I was using you!_ His mom no longer loving him wasn't even the main reason anymore. Alex was right about one thing, in the long run, she would accept him. It wasn't forever that scared him. It was the reaction he _knew_ she would have at first. He just didn't want her to voice his own deepest fears with an **Oh, honey!** _It's not real you only think you like him because of what your father did to you!_

"Schroeder?" Schroeder jumped and swallowed around his inner turmoil as he turned around and looked at Franklin. There was a look in the other's face that said he was concerned. Schroeder wondered what he was outwardly doing while his mind tumbled.

"Hey, Franklin. Need something?" Schroeder smiled through the fact that his voice was strained, but that could be coined up to his whispering. He leaned onto his arm on the back of his chair to look casual.

"No? I was going to ask if you're okay, you look like you're going to vomit," Franklin whispered.

"Oh, yeah. My stomach hurts. Think I'm just hungry, I skipped breakfast," Schroeder lied, but Franklin smiled sympathetically, and that was the end of that. Honestly, Schroeder was thankful for the interruption as instead of thinking he started doodling.

After a while, though, Schroeder went back to thinking as his doodles had covered the page in front of him. Alex was at the forefront. He really didn't want something as petty as a rumor ruin his first romance. He really did like Alex, and he decided to throw caution to the wind. It was time to apologize and promise to work towards coming out. Alex would give him time, Schroeder knew that in his heart.

When the bell rang signaling last lunch had started, Schroeder jumped up with renewed determination. He had to pause because he got dizzy and had to sway on his feet for a moment. Franklin caught his elbow.

"You really need to be careful," Franklin said as Schroeder's head had a moment to stop spinning, "You good now?" Schroeder nodded.

"Thanks. That caught me off guard. I'm going to head to lunch now. I really need to get something to eat. Thanks again!" Franklin nodded as they walked out the door to the hallway. Then they both walked in different directions. Franklin toward the lunchroom and Schroeder towards where he figured Alex would be.

He didn't quite make it before Miss Naturally Curly Haircut him off. He narrowed his eyes at her. He really didn't have time for this right now. He looked at her face and started to seethe because she was probably the source of the stupid rumor that started this argument between him and Alex.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" Frieda asked eyes wide. Schroeder glared at her. He didn't have time for this. He _had_ to catch Alex before he got to the cafeteria.

"Somewhere that _you_ aren't," Schroeder snarked his tone dripping in honey. Frieda's eyes showed her surprise ever so slightly.

_"Aww!_ Why'd you go and say that?" Her tone had challenge laced in, and Schroeder took it as so. _Time for some mind games._ He put a smile on that bordered on a sneer put his hand on the wall behind her and leaned in close.

"Do you _really_ wanna know?" His tone quiet and mocking. She nodded slowly, unsure. "Because I don't like you. I never have, never will. You're not good enough for me, nor are you even close to my type. _So quit stalking me_ , **Curly."** He didn't exactly regret his words, but he was surprised at their harshness. She didn't respond, and Schroeder kept staring her down then raised an eyebrow in expectation. Then she opened her mouth, but then someone cleared their throat. Schroeder straightened up slowly and turned to the source of the sound. All the color left his face. _It was Alex._ That's the moment he noticed how incriminating this looked. He was full on leaning over a pretty girl with their faces close together. Then all the color rushed back to his cheeks and then some. Good thing Schroeder was a fantastic actor and he was happy Alex opened _that_ door earlier.

"Alex! Hey, man! I was just about to go looking for you," Schroeder smiled and gave a backward glare to Frieda, "It was a pleasure." The bite in his tone was subtle. Frieda's face showed panicked, but she hid it well. _Damn, bitch._

"Same to you. See you soon," Frieda said as she retreated, tail between her legs. Schroeder sneered at her in satisfaction, that took care of _that_ problem. Now he just needs to apologize to his wonderful boyfriend. He turned around with a smile, and it immediately dropped off. Alex had a look like Schroeder just shot his puppy with an AK-47.

_"Alex?"_

_"Do you even like me or are you just leading me on?"_ Alex whispered.

_"What?"_ Schroeder gasped, he took a step towards Alex, and Alex took a step back. The hallway was mostly empty, but even if that weren't the case, he wouldn't have cared. He just wanted to comfort his boyfriend. Then Alex narrowed his eyes stopping Schroeder in his tracks. His chest restricted.

"Let me elaborate. Are you even gay or am I just some sort of experiment?" This time there was more bite in Alex's tone. Schroeder couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't _want_ to hear this. He didn't _need_ to hear this. "Maybe all those rumors about you are true, _huh?"_ Alex threw out, the words toxic, the implication terrible. Schroeder couldn't say anything around the lump in his throat. He felt the beginnings of tears sting his eyes. He reached forward and then stopped his hand dropped to his side and looked down at his purple converse. Maybe Alex was right and with that Schroeder turned away and for the first time, Alex said nothing. Schroeder couldn't do anything right then. He didn't want to cry. Hell, he didn't even want to feel anymore.

Schroeder bit his lip hard enough that it started to bleed, and a couple of tears slipped down his cheeks. He wiped them away angrily. _He was going to apologize! He was going to make everything better!_ **Good** ** _fucking_** **grief!** _What did he do to be dealt this the shitty hand he called life?_ He took a lap to calm himself down then he went to lunch. He really did need something to eat.

He was sitting down, and thankfully no one seemed to notice the air of bleakness around him. For a few minutes, Lucy was vividly talking about something to a noncommittal CB. Then out of nowhere, Patricia sat down loudly. She was joking and laughing with CB. Then there was a soft noise next to Schroeder. He had to blink to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Sitting there in Alex's seat was Frieda. **_What. The. Fuck?_** He was beyond pissed. This girl potentially just ruined his relationship! She just sat there, seeming unsure, she looked _almost_ sorry. Schroeder didn't care. Honestly, had every urge just to punch the red head in the face. Then to cover her awkwardness, she burst out laughing at first it covered up by the combination of the rest of the laughter then she snorted. Then Patricia looked like she was ready to kill as he whipped around to face their direction. Schroeder just wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Frieda looked slowly up Patricia's face, and then her grin turned sour.

"What Minty? You're funny, am I not allowed to laugh?" _Sweet Beethoven._

"No, you little slut. You're not even supposed to be here," _Sweet fucking Beethoven._ _ **Please, stop!**_

"I do remember being wanted here," Frieda said her voice laced with same honey Schroeder had used on her earlier. Then that was it. _How dare she!?_ He stood up with the fierceness of his anger, knocking over his chair. He balled his fists with the intention of taking his frustrations out on her freckled face. Then he looked at her face. Her eyes were wide with dread. Horror filled him and then a terrible sadness. He uncurled his hands and felt them tingle. He couldn't stay here anymore. He needed to get out of here. _Now!_ He wanted to apologize, he really did. He had enough though, and honestly, he just wanted to scream that he was gay. Then he realized all the eyes on him and how eerie the quite was. He stepped back and stormed out. _He didn't need this._ People were already spreading rumors about him. Everyone remained quiet as he walked away, the only sound was the door slamming behind him. He froze for a minute unsure of what to do. There wasn't a lot one to do to escape in this high school. Then the desire to remove the excess energy hit him. He turned towards the ice rink. The walk was quiet, too quiet for Schroeder because somewhere on the way tears started rolling down his face. He was so pissed and upset his emotions were just seeping out. His stomach was tight and his lungs tighter. All he wanted out of life was to be happy and not to hurt anymore. To finally not be so completely broken anymore. He wanted to have a pleasant home life and didn't want to be lonely. To tell the truth, he would be content with just one or _maybe_ two of those things. Now he had none of them. **_Nothing!_** With that thought came with a splintering pain up his arm. He blinked a couple of times and noticed several things at once: his hand was smashed against a locker, he was in the rink locker room, and his face and shirt were both wet from tears. He slowly pulled his throbbing hand to his chest, the locker he had punched now had a notable dent in it. _Fuck._ He shook his hand out and went to his locker and got his skates out. He needed to clear his head, and then after he stretched, he was on the ice.

He was focused on the ice in front of him when he heard a low, woof whistle. He panicked because he couldn't deal with anyone else right now. His blade caught and he was falling.

_"Fuck!_ _ **Shit!**_ _Mother fucking ass_ _ **bitch!**_ _Goddamn it!"_ Schroeder let all the vulgarities flow out of his mouth as he rolled across the ice. When he was back on his feet, he was ready to fight. He'd had enough, and that was the last straw. He noticed who was the source of the obscene sound, none other than Patricia. _The asshole was laughing at him!_ He charged her at full speed, not even trying to hide his anger. He slammed into the railing with a thud. She cowered, and it didn't qualm his anger.

_"What the_ _ **fuck**_ _was that?"_ Schroeder screamed, hands slicing the air with violence. ** _"Were you trying to kill me?!_** **_You_** _of all people should know not to sneak up on an_ _ **ice skater!"**_ She was silent for a few moments and looked at the ceiling before she finally spoke.

"What got you so worked up? It's not just Frieda being her normal slutty self - _that's_ for sure," Patricia asked, her tone was soft. Schroeder knew she cared, but he absolutely was not ready to talk about the events of today. He took his ear muffs off, mainly to fidget.

"The normal bullshit that comes with life, just in a higher than normal dosage," Schroeder replied with a casual tone as he stretched his arms above his head. His back popped and it was pleasant.

"Sounds like more than normal bullshit to me, sounds like it's several things on top of each other. Am I right?" Patricia wasn't one to be serious. She must know more than she's letting on. He was too tired, to have any more emotions right now. So he was going to keep this short and simple.

"More or less."

"It's about Alex, _isn't it?"_ Patricia stated. Schroeder choked on the air in his lungs and looked at Patricia like she had grown a second head.

"How do _you_ know?" Schroeder hissed.

"It was obvious, and I have a pretty solid gaydar." His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. Honestly, that wasn't what he was expecting at all. He figured she was going to launch into some melodramatic explanation. "But that's beside the point. Why wasn't he at lunch today?"

"A pretty good gaydar? _Really?"_ Schroeder voiced his surprise, while still avoiding the Alex conversation.

"Yeah, usually comes with being **gay,** or at least part way gay." _Sweet Beethoven, what is happening? "You avoided my question."_ Schroeder stiffened, he wasn't going to talk plus what the hell?

"Wait. _Wait._ _ **Wait. You're gay?"**_ Schroeder's brain was not ready to process information of this caliber.

"Bisexual. Now tell me what the hell happened with Alex."

**"Good Grief,"** Schroeder groaned, he just wanted to be left alone to deal with his pain. "It's cold. I want out." He walked off the ice to where he left his guards and slipped them over the blades and motioned her to follow him. Once he was in front of the door, he gave Patricia a backward glance, "Give me a moment." He disappeared inside and heaved a sigh. He ripped off his skates and chucked them into his locker and laced his converse and threw on his team jacket, too drained to change clothes again. He left the locker room and noticed Patricia was now joined by a distressed looking Charlie Brown.

"It was kinda obvious his absence was the problem. If they're trying to hide that they have something going on their not doing a very good job. Why does everyone always think I'm oblivious?" Schroeder rolled his eyes. Patricia had never fooled him. This girl wasn't anything close to stupid, let alone oblivious. I didn't even surprise him at the implications of her last statement.

"Because you act as you are. It's easy to hide how smart you _actually_ are when you _act_ stupid most of the time."

"Yeah. I know, it's why I do it. See not stupid," Patricia gestured toward CB, "Now you gonna tell us what's going on?" _Sweet Beethoven. Where was this girl's chill?_

"Yes, I'm getting to it. _Good Grief,_ first we need to get you two out of here," He sighed as he walked towards the exit beckoning the other to follow. Though, this was just an extra couple of moments for him to come up with a response that wasn't quite a lie. He finally began, the short, not completely incriminating version of his story. "We had a fight. About me not being public. It's not a big deal, but he's annoyed with me at the moment. Frieda is just complicating things, _so."_ It was only silent for a moment after his words.

"Thanks for telling us, but if it's causing problems why don't you guys go public?" Patricia said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. Not to mention she didn't know that there might even be a them anymore.

**_"No!"_** Schroeder said harshly. He noted that CB did the same thing, he glanced at his best friend. Then Minty threw her hands up in surrender.

"Well, I have my reasons, and they are good ones, so that's out of the picture at least for the time being." Or forever. Schroeder responded alone.

"Well, okay then. You guys are some of the most confusing people I have ever meet. Seriously, think about what is most important to you. These reasons or Alex." With that, she waved and turned on her heel and was gone. Schroeder deflated, he'd already asked himself that same question, but now it looked it didn't matter. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. His lack of energy was making it hard to even stand up at this point. HE briefly considered calling his mother for her to take him home. That idea was disregarded quickly. He looked over to Charlie over a couple of moments of silence. Charlie was looking at him with wide eyes. Schroeder started at grasping at straws for a conversation that didn't involve Alex. He honestly wanted to pour his heart out, and those compassionate, brown eyes weren't helping.

"Did you know that Patricia was bi?" _Thank you brain._

_"Well,_ yeah," CB scratched his head, "She's talked about asking Marcie out for a while now." Schroeder should have been more surprised, but Patricia never gave off the straight girl vibe. Maybe that was why they got along so well? Charlie clicked his tongue in thought then continued, _"Maybe she's only told me that?_ She's never been too closed about it since she came out in middle school; But I guess she doesn't go out of her way to tell people, either." Made sense, now if only it were that easy. Schroeder looked away then at his hands _. How had he fucked up so quickly?_ Patricia's words rattled around in his head. _What truly was more important? Did it even_ _ **matter**_ _anymore?_ Charlie was still waiting for something from him. He supplied a shrug.

"Probably, she seemed comfortable with talking about it. But I'm just glad she gave me a reason to get away from Frieda." Schroeder released a broken laugh. He wished he'd never have to see that red head again. "Alex thought I was cheating on him, hell, even _using_ him, _because she wouldn't leave me alone and I backlashed,_ and it seemed to have worked." He barely spoke above a whisper the words more for himself than Charlie. Schroeder needed to get away, to be alone with his thoughts again. Schroeder needs to run, he needed an out, and his brain supplied one. **_"Beethoven!_** _We're going to be late!_ _ **Bye!"**_

Schroeder did make it class on time but barely. While trying to listen to his science teacher, the unbidden image of Alex's betrayed face kept reappearing. He didn't even want to be awake anymore. Even nightmares would be better than _this._ Schroeder just wanted to sleep away the tightness in his chest that wouldn't leave. He wouldn't get that luxury for several more hours. He still had two class, study hall, and marching band left before he would go home. Schroeder sighed and scratched at his neck, Alex was his ride home today. To top off this shit day, he was going to be walking home. _Then again, was that truly the worst of his problems?_ **_Nope,_** _not even close._ Schroeder forced his thoughts away because he was going to have plenty of time for them later. When he was pretending to sleep.

After that class, Schroeder's anxiety was making his skin itch and prickle. He was wringing his beanie in his hands, not knowing what else to do to reduce the shaking. The bell rang signaling the beginning of his next class, but he ignored it. He was going to the nurse's office. He couldn't handle any more stress today, though the universe already had something else in mind for him.

**_"Hey!"_** Someone yelled from behind him. Schroeder stopped, and an anxious hiccup escaped him before he turned around. He forced his best _I'm not currently breaking apart_ face. The first thing Schroeder noticed was course, carrot orange hair. He'd never seen this boy before in his life, and he was on a mission. His face was turned up into a scowl and he was marching closer. Probably some busybody. Schroeder rolled his eyes. He couldn't handle this right now, but walking away would be rude.

"Can I help you?" Schroeder asked, making himself seem uninterested, by not looking at the other teen. Schroeder wondered if this kid could see his shaking.

"As a matter of fact, _you can,"_ The boy said, voice laced with venom. That made Schroeder's prickly skin twitch even more. _Not now, please!_ Schroeder forced himself to meet the boy's eyes for him to see his pleading. Then Schroeder couldn't contain the gasp that escaped him. This boy had the exact same amber eyes as Alex. **_Oh, no._** _Could this be one of Alex's brothers?_ _Why exactly was_ _ **he**_ _here?_ Schroeder waited because he couldn't bring himself to speak. Then the boy's eyes narrowed, _"Who the_ _ **hell**_ _do you think you are?"_ Schroeder received a finger jab to his chest, and he took a step backward. Schroeder panicked, this boy was out for blood and Schroeder was probably going to give it to him. He didn't have the will to fight. **_"Come on!_** _I know you have a voice._ _ **Talk!"**_ The boy shoved Schroeder, and he fell back without much resistance. _"Who do_ _ **you**_ _think you are?"_

"Schroeder Fennon?" His voice was squeaky and unsteady, "You?" That was poorly timed sarcasm if there was ever any. The boy's eyebrows quirked, maybe it was surprise or maybe it was a challenge. Schroeder really didn't care.

"Cole," A broad sneer appeared on _Cole's_ face as he decided to play along, "But since we're going with last names. I'm Cole _Montgomery."_ Schroeder's fear was confirmed, but oddly he couldn't blame Cole for being here. He must really care about Alex if he found about what was going on within a couple of hours. _It must be nice to have siblings._ Though this knowledge didn't quiet his fears. It made them worse. "You want to know why I'm here?" Cole took a couple of steps forward, and Schroeder was forced into a wall. He had to swallow around a lump forming in his throat.

"W-what can I h-help you with?" Schroeder's voice was trembling, just like the rest of his body. _Beethoven_ , he sounded pathetic.

"A lot, actually. First, an explanation would be great. Why are you leading my brother on? You know like every other person…?" Cole stopped talking, and the fierce mask on Cole's face seemed to melt away, "Oh my god, why are you _crying?"_ _What?_ Schroeder touched his cheek and lo and behold tears were running down his face. _Shit._ Schroeder immediately wiped them away. "I guess I don't know the whole story, huh?" Cole asked, the venom gone. Schroeder shook his head, his newly acknowledged tears flowing with renewed vigor.

"It must be nice having siblings to care about y-you," Schroeder hiccup laughed, the sound self-deprecating. He smeared his sleeve across his face. "Yup. I fucked up. Honestly this all one big misunderstanding… Nice to meet you, Cole." Cole stood still for a moment, then he reached out and patted Schroeder's shoulder.

"Nice to meet you too. Sorry I made you cry." Cole paused and squeezed Schroeder's Shoulder slightly, the motion awkward, "Though you still owe me an explanation." Schroeder smiled weakly. he couldn't disagree.

"That's fair. What would you like to know?"

"First off, what's going on with you and my brother?" Cole got right to the point. He wasn't much like Alex it seemed. The differences were glaring, but not in a bad way.

"I think that he's still my boyfriend? Hopefully." Schroeder shrugged, indirectly causing Cole to move his hand.

"Ah. Okay? So I'm assuming you aren't leading him on. Then what exactly is happening then?"

"Well, I'm new to this whole dating thing. Plus, I have a horrible habit of fucking things up. How much do you know about what's going on?"

"Okay. So I got some texts from Alex complaining about how he saw you with some girl, and it looked bad. Not mention the rumors have really bothered him. Personally, I know rumors shouldn't bother anyone. They're normally not true. Alex is pretty interested in you, but he doesn't want to get hurt, and it really sounded legit."

"Okay. Just to get this on the records. _I am not a cheater_. Hell, I barely have the capacity to date, one person. I like Alex a lot. That girl he saw me with I was telling off. She wouldn't leave me alone, so I made her, and it backfired. I just want things to be okay again." Schroeder explained, "Could you just tell him I'm sorry, and that I'd like a chance to explain myself and that it wasn't what it looked like?"

"Sure. I'll try." Cole's eyes reignited the flame, "Don't let me regret this. Or _you'll_ end up regretting this, and I won't be the only one after you if you hurt him." Schroeder swallowed, he knew for a fact that Cole wasn't bluffing.

"You won't. I promise."

"Good. Now I have somewhere to be, and you shouldn't be wandering the halls. See you later," Cole stated then turned around with a wave.

Schroeder stood shell shocked and finally released a breath he'd been holding. Then he finally made his way to the nurse's office. That's where he spent the rest of the school day. She didn't question his presence much because this wasn't the first time he spent time here. Then when the school bell rang, he headed out to marching band and smiled through it all. _What else did anyone expect him to do?_ He was able to sort out many of his thoughts while lost in the movement and the music. He knew at least one thing he had to do shortly.

The walk home felt like Schroeder was dragging his feet behind him. He didn't really remember much of it. He did remember finally seeing the blue roof of his house. A sigh escaped him as he opened the door and closed it behind him. With the click of the door echoing behind him, all his remaining energy left him. He slid down until he was sitting, head leaned back against the door. He silently marked this as one of his worst days. Look at the tally: one full on panic attack, three almost attacks, one nasty rumor, one _this isn't what it looks like,_ three confrontations, one maybe break-up, and finally one completely devastated Schroeder.

A broken laugh pulled its self out of his throat, as he realized even with that score, it was still ranked only in the double digits of worst days. Then when the laughing stopped the tears started, but these weren't his typical silent panicky tears. The silent streams quickly morphed into snot balling. It had been a long time since he was miserable enough to let it all out. He cried for a good several minutes and for that short amount of time he felt better letting it out. Then as the tears slowed and the gasping hiccups started, he was hit with a wave of helplessness. He was afraid. Then his hands started to shake as rage consumed him. _The_ _ **fuck**_ _is he doing sitting here indulging himself like this?_ He stood up forcefully, throwing his book bag across the room and roughly wiping at his face. When he couldn't stop the tears and the hiccups, he wanted to scream. _He wasn't helpless!_ He didn't _need_ to feel sorry for himself, even though everything hurt. He felt his stomach roil and his vision started to swim. He needed to get these negative emotions out. He stumbled up the stairs to his room. He found his punching bag and wiggled the already bruised fingers and balled them into fists and he punched it. Then he shrieked and punched it again and again for what seemed like hours. Hell, it could have been. At some point, he had collapsed in a mess of tears, sweat, and bit of blood. He had busted his knuckles and screamed until his throat was raw. After an unknown amount of time he dragged himself off the floor and wrapped his hands and fell onto his bed.


End file.
